yennoe how it feels to dream day in and day out of something. and when you wake up, reality isnt great either. do you have any idea how it feels to hurt, without hurting, and to just be there for something you arent even sure will be there for you. You must not breathe the same air, because it seems that everyone else is feeling good, but you cant seem to figure out whats bothering you? how about watching all the families stand crying as they watch their dads/fathers go off departing, and knowing that your next. how it feels to have somebody knocking on your door, and just yell at you, and your mom, when really, things were left at a suttle tone the last time she stepped into my house. where you end up unprotected, and somewhat scared of somebody you know cant do anything to you. You know how that feels to just have the paperwork ready, but not sign it because your just not sure what happened. how about setting that bar SOO high to your parents, that when you mess it, its the let down of the century. how it feels to miss somebody like they've died, but their still alive, knowing they wont see you again. when you shun everybody away because you wish that you didnt wake up anymore, and you dont want to cause any harm to anybody else. how it feels to have this happen all at the same time. and lastly, do you know how it feels to wake up, wanting to press rewind, when there is no remote for life.

i do.

well i thought i`d update this thing again. hi people who still use xanga!  its joyceanne.

me and christine are now juniors, yes yes yo. and so far, through my perspective, its so lame. i started of this year kinda bored. and now things are getting just plain stupid. freshmens, teachers, classes, and all that imaginable. christine is kicked back with her classes so far, or so it seems. we actually have a class together this time, cooper for chemistry! but she's all the way across the room from me so i find that kinda blah. we're taking summer school this year i think? at VC i presume since we want to go to the mall and everywhere interesting instead of OC. hmm, tennis is tennis. hello varsity tennis! im not looking forward to much since it feels empty. we have some of the friendliest girls on the team tho which brightens up my day. amy got into cheerleading and i got to see her for the first time cheer. i`m a heavy supporter. christine's sister got into tennis with us. Cazzandra dropped out of the team too since she doesnt want to be stressed out this year, plus i think she'll be getting a job too. leslie is somewhat balancing, but i think things will be okay since her boss will switch her schedule to weekends soon. i am not making money again, but i feel super stable. but im looking into selling my layouts online. so i can buy more things online. life's definetly harder and faster this time. i cant help but think that i was in 8th grade thinking about how i`d turn out in high school and who'd be there with me. its amazing how far we've all reached. i do miss going to confirmation, and seeing all those kids from the other schools. i cant believe how fast things are going. here it comes, the school rush, by the time you know it, i`ll be carrying that diploma and looking like this picture. hahaha odd right? that's andrew's hat, not mine. anyways i think this school year will be amazing. im excited for the glow dance! since everyone is going. homecoming? not so much, everyone's going. but this year i think i`ll just stay home. i sense trouble in the date and money department. as for the rest of my year, prom? that's out of the question. haha if i could win homecoming princess, i think i should show up with a pretty dress with chucks. that'd be cool. anyways im losing focus again. thats about all i have for now. ohh me and christine have new screen names!

mines: joyssAHHHn
christine: christeeeny XD

okay i'm deciding to finally write in here!

summer has been busy and it looks like augest is a pretty busy month! serious! but its all fun and boring at times. feeling fatter each day at home. eat, computer, and watch tv all day. missing my friends is pretty much everyday! always wondering what their up to and how it can be boring when you dont know what to say because theirs not much thats really happening. =) i realize that youll spend more time with your family and have fun with them more than being with you friends or anything else, but you know that your family will never leave you! they'll always be there for you no matter what even if they can get on your biggest nerves! so i'm not going to the dinner. =/ i got plans on that weekend anyways. =) citywalk? what are the plans with that you guys? and how about pictures? yeeah, it seems that so many things are so busy this month that we don't know where to fit in the schedule that we were planning already. it will work out by the end. i was watching sex in the city. well not really, but she said something. it said something about forgiving people. even though they've done something, we usually forgive and never forget. so why do we forgive if we still havent forgotten? iuno? i changed the channel right after that cause it went on commercial. but it just makes me wonder. can it be true? or false also?

theirs just days were i feel tall and getting older! so freaky!

I= reality + dreams = life= beauty+ struggle= pain = endurance= stamina= gain= confidence = sociable=  friends + boys = emotion = love = complication = unexplainable sometimes = mood swings = undefinable.

therefore, I am undefinable.