| here i am resorting to a thing that is so high school. but i feel as if i need to vent. hopefully someone will read. not even have to understand what i have to say just know that i do have something to say in the end.
i sometimes question why things happened the way that they did. here i am. my life has taken a complete 180 degrees. i'm no longer the person that i used to be and yet i am.
omg i wish that i could just go on top of a mountain or something and scream out my lungs. when my mind is alone and free to think so many thoughts go running through my head.
i wish i could just pick up the phone and desperately tell you how much i miss you and i much i need you in my life once again. i'm keeping this promise, you'll always have a place in my heart.
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| for the past 5 days i've been locked up in my room, driving myself mad with thoughts and old memories. i had the adenovirus and strep throat at the same time. it was completely horrible. i found it hard to fall asleep and my thoughts soon became my issue.
i've changed a lot since i've been here and i wish that i could say that i'm completely happy with the way that things are going but i'm pretty sure that's not the case. i'm still that darlene who is goofy and is just plain different but when it comes down to a personal level i'm not sure if that side even exists anymore. there is some depth to me but my days are filled with nothingness that i feel i'm slowly losing who i once was.
relationship wise i'm not sure if i'm going to be ready for a long time. i just find myself closing up. not wanting people to fully know who i am. i just so scared of getting hurt. of putting in so much trust in someone and then just having them ...POOF....and they're gone. but then the thought of not having one actually scares me. i'm not even sure who i can call my friends anymore. i'm more into my family which is a good thing, but eh....
i'm rambling. and no one is going to care.
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| This isn't who I am. From confidence to self doubt. In 60 seconds. Storming stages and steroes from here to there. Trying to prove that I belong. Trying to win acceptance of people that I don't know.... |
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| i'm in mississippi now. i'm in the air force. my life has take a complete 180. do you think you can keep up and handle my infinate nature? |
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| I'm sorry for the pain I've caused... I can't stop thinking about you. |
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