demonmuffin69's Xanga

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 20:30:13 GMT

Just sitting here and thinking. Had myself a good convo with Meg earlier. My air conditioner is broken and its so humid.

My current location: Panama City, FL.

Might have to evacuate because of the storm...it's awesome.

No work tomorrow.

I'm bored.

IM me or call or text.
702.578.3242

Friday, May 09, 2008

Fri, 09 May 2008 02:02:08 GMT

here i am resorting to a thing that is so high school. but i feel as if i need to vent. hopefully someone will read. not even have to understand what i have to say just know that i do have something to say in the end.

i sometimes question why things happened the way that they did. here i am. my life has taken a complete 180 degrees. i'm no longer the person that i used to be and yet i am.

omg i wish that i could just go on top of a mountain or something and scream out my lungs. when my mind is alone and free to think so many thoughts go running through my head.

i wish i could just pick up the phone and desperately tell you how much i miss you and i much i need you in my life once again. i'm keeping this promise, you'll always have a place in my heart.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 22:04:59 GMT

for the past 5 days i've been locked up in my room, driving myself mad with thoughts and old memories. i had the adenovirus and strep throat at the same time. it was completely horrible. i found it hard to fall asleep and my thoughts soon became my issue.

i've changed a lot since i've been here and i wish that i could say that i'm completely happy with the way that things are going but i'm pretty sure that's not the case. i'm still that darlene who is goofy and is just plain different but when it comes down to a personal level i'm not sure if that side even exists anymore. there is some depth to me but my days are filled with nothingness that i feel i'm slowly losing who i once was.

relationship wise i'm not sure if i'm going to be ready for a long time. i just find myself closing up. not wanting people to fully know who i am. i just so scared of getting hurt. of putting in so much trust in someone and then just having them ...POOF....and they're gone. but then the thought of not having one actually scares me. i'm not even sure who i can call my friends anymore. i'm more into my family which is a good thing, but eh....

i'm rambling. and no one is going to care.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 17:23:05 GMT

This isn't who I am. From confidence to self doubt. In 60 seconds. Storming stages and steroes from here to there. Trying to prove that I belong. Trying to win acceptance of people that I don't know....

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 01:14:39 GMT

i'm in mississippi now.

i'm in the air force.

my life has take a complete 180.

do you think you can keep up and handle my infinate nature?

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 18:36:12 GMT

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused...

I can't stop thinking about you.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 22:11:18 GMT

Party like a rockstar.

I dyed my hair black.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 03:49:45 GMT

Hi Liz.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 00:45:07 GMT

I may live on the other side of the country but no one could ever take away the feelings that I feel for hearing about Mr. Dreisbach.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 17:08:10 GMT

My high school years…

9th Grade-
I moved to Catty
Start of the antisocial life
School started
Met Catty people
Birth of Jimmy
English class was a blast
Brown
Dreisbach
Bydlon destroyed precious brain cells
Met the supposed love of my life
Footballs games
Joe’s party
Formal
Meghan/Heidi/C.J. drama
Getting Cory suspended, sorry Laura
Got in trouble for self mutilation
Best friends
Spirit week
Spirit day
Finals
Summer
---------
Sophomore year
School started
English class still amazing
Journals
Animal crackers
Friends with Anastasia
Saltines
Biology class, ha
Jessica
Slaughter House 5
Bomb threats every Mod. 4
Lunch with T.J.
Geometry
“The Little People that die as I laugh”
Still fighting that constant battle within myself
Mr.Angeline and Julian
Anastasia’s firm ass
The movie that we all made for cultures class
Chorus with Meghan
Me looking like a guy at the chorus concert, damn uniforms
Kris and I broke up but ended up getting back together
Bringing Vodka to the finals
Summer came
Anastasia threw my sweet 16
Summer sucked
-------------
11th Grade-
School started
Kris and I broke up, again but then got back together
Kris and I broke up for sure this time
Ah, life sucked
Cutting, drinking eh
Travis and I became closer then we started going out
Drinking became a problem but then life changed for the better
Step father tired to kill my family and was arrested
Meghan’s party
The downward spiral
Got some help with a psychologist
Life changed
Found out that I was moving
Grades slipped
Dreisbach and C.J. were my saviors
School wanted to put me in rehab, ha
Prom at Northampton
The Nob
Waking up on a mountain
My prom
After prom party, fucking kangaroos
Studied my ass off for finals
Finished 11th grade with Honors and 20th in my class
Had fun hanging out with my friends
Moved Las Vegas July 19th
Worked at KFC
Worked at Altanta Bread
-----------------
12th grade-
School started
Mom got kicked out
Had to make some friends
Realized that I had an amazing family
Fell in love with ROTC
Homecoming
Midway
Jeff drama
Didn't go to Sadies
Some other drama
Started driving
Saw The Beatles show
Fell in love with Lizz
Applying for college.

May 2007 bring so much.