| Jenn, I hope you're reading this. 
30 THINGS GIRLZ SHOULD KNOW.
1) If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse
to answer.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down.
3) Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with
her.
4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer
you do not want to hear.
6) Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and UFC.
8) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way. So please don't use us as portable coathangers.
9) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
10) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
11) Crying is blackmail.
12) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to
come out.
13) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
14) No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
15) Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
16) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
17) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
18) Anything we said 6 months ago is unmentionable in an argument. In
fact, all comments become useless after 7 days.
19) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
20) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
21) Let us LOOK  . We are going to look anyways; it's genetic.
22) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done,
not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
23) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
24) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
25)Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear
Wonder bras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
26) Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank
range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
27) ALL GUYS see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
28) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
29) We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
30) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
I think this list speaks for all those poor and misunderstood
guys out there. I feel ya.
...and girls...don't deny that this list isn't true. |
