i realize that it has been forever and a day since i wrote anything on here. life is too complicated and I too busy to bother myself with xanga. i will however post something that i completed for my unit guys. i am indeed an ra at cedarville this year and due to extenuating circumstances, my guys have told me that they would like me to relinquish my RAship. i am unwilling to do so and I have refuted all four of their arguments in the following treatise which i have posted upon my door in true lutheresque style. i shall put it here for the whole e-world to read and judge as to whether i am guilty of the following four offenses or not. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ In response to the following allegations, grave assertions of:
“Jumping ship on [my] own brainchild”
Leaving [my] fellow unit mates in the dust Going to Michigan, as opposed to thrifting And Favoring the Boston Red Sox I plead in chronological order: To the count of “Jumping ship on [my] own brainchild,” not guilty. I am responsible for this brazen act of boat bounding as they say, but I take the following sentences to attempt to justify my act in your eyes. The choice was really not mine to make. I have thrown my deed upon the scales of justice and find that the lady who holds the weights finds nothing wanting in my decision. It is not out of a desire for selfish pleasure or personal gain that I have done the above said action, but rather to support and encourage one of our fellow unit mates whose house I seek as my domicile this weekend. Secondly and most importantly, it is my duty as RA to be father to the fatherless, brother to the brotherless and wingman to the wingmanless. Our good friend Master Foote has been placed in the sticky situation of traversing the miles twixt here and the mitt like land of Michigan, without the support of brotherhood sandwiched between the seduction and sorcery of two girls of the opposite sex. I would not, could not allow my friend and comrade to undergo such an endeavor when I knew that the only thing that held me back was the pursuit of my own enjoyment, and the extension of an already bulging bunch of thrifted bounty. To the contention of Leaving [my] fellow unit mates in the dust, I say not guilty. True I have indeed removed myself from the majority of the members of the brotherhood, but I estrange myself from the majority merely to make myself available to the minority. I reach out to the few so that the many may prosper. It is for the good of the entire brotherhood that I temporarily abandon you now, but I shall return and in due time we shall assail the bastions of prudent purchases to return in triumph with economically astounding acquisitions. To the charge of Going to Michigan, as opposed to thrifting I also say not guilty. Need I remind you clearly literate and knowledgeable members of the brotherhood, that we inhabit a hermitage situated upon a campus within a city, inside a state, existing within a country wherein are core concepts pertaining to the individual unalienable rights of all mankind. I am granted by the US Constitution which governs this land, the assumption of innocence until proven guilt. I cannot be guilty of going to Michigan as opposed to thrifting, for the possibility remains to go thrifting in Michigan. This charge must therefore be thrown out as it attacks the very foundation of my freedoms as a member of the being commonly referred to as human. If you have evidence which currently shows I did not thrift this upcoming weekend then we can reconvene on this assertion. Lastly, to the accusation of Favoring the Boston Red Sox I must say guilty as charged. And, if being a Red Sox fan makes me unfit to be an RA on this campus then I say not only rid me of my post, strike all record of me from the books, but pray, also obliterate the blight that this past 407 days has been upon my existence. However, there has been substantial confirmation that upon this campus are not only ra’s but also in a particular case familiar to many of you, an rd who loudly proclaims support for the team who must not be named. With this knowledge I humbly submit that I am completely justified in “favoring” a team as unbecoming to some as the Boston Red Sox. This team who must not be named will remain unnamed for obvious reasons, but need you question the identity of this disgrace; let it be known that their quarterback likens himself to a very tall individual with a laser rocket arm. They are clearly atheists as they have adopted the universal sign for luck as their banner. If such a retardation of justice can exist, then the “Favoring of the Boston Red Sox” must go unpunished. I have systematically observed and answered all your accusations. I fall before you know bequeathing you for understanding and perhaps in particular cases forgiveness. Wither I have sundered let me restore, if my deed hath offended let me amend, but thrust me not away and allow me to again assume the place of honor I once held in your eyes. Trust once lost is not easily regained. I am aware of this, but my word to you is redoubled efforts to make the brotherhood of 30/32 the place of glory and renown as spoken of in the elder days, the time when all units and halls went forth and thither with the knowledge that they shared a campus with their betters. With a good conscience my only sure reward, with history the final judge of my deeds, I will go forth to lead the unit I love... Your Friendly Neighborhood RA | 
