| God's Story in Derek and Talitha Dear Family, Friends, and everyone else who may happen to read this story— May the Lord’s Name be hallowed, May His Kingdom come, May His will be done in your lives here on earth, just as it is in heaven, through this testimony of God’s goodness, greatness, sovereignty and love. Where do these amazing love stories begin? We believe it began in the heart of God Himself, conceived and planned in eternity—even before He created the heavens and the earth… …But in order to begin telling our story, we must find a point in time from which to start. ~Derek & Talitha Derek was the first child born to godly parents, residents of Nebraska. Later that same year, Talitha (also a first-born child) was born to another godly couple living over 1200 miles away in Southern California. Each set of parents were committed to raising up their children in the ways of the Lord, and from early on in Derek’s life and Talitha’s life, earnest prayers were being lifted up to the Lord on their behalf. One of the prayers that were prayed continually is that God would prepare a godly spouse for their child. Time passed on with neither family ever knowing the other. As Derek and Talitha continued to grow and be raised in the “fear and admonition of the Lord”, each was encouraged by their parents to begin praying for the future spouse of the Lord’s choosing. Sometimes there would be more constant prayer for the future spouse than at other times, but there grew more and more an inner conviction that God did indeed have “someone special out there who will be just right for me”. In 1998, tragedy struck Talitha's family. After struggling with Lupus for three years, Talitha’s mommy, died suddenly in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Grief and mourning swept over the family like a tidal wave, and yet God’s grace surrounded them like a rock of refuge. The Lord gave Talitha the strength, joy, and grace that only He could give—and she spent the next five years at home serving her family as the “sister-mommy”. At the time of her death, Talitha's parents had been married 20 years and had 5 children together-- Talitha was 18, and her 4 siblings ages ranged from 16 to 3 years old. In the summer of 1999, Dr. Jay Grimstead of COR (Coalition On Revival) invited Talitha's father to work with him as his administrator of the International Church Council Project. In December 1999, so that her father could work closely with Dr. Jay, the Clingman family moved to a small mountain community in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains in Northern California. After the move, Talitha began homeschooling her younger brothers. She continued to find joy and satisfaction (and trials and challenges) in serving and loving her family by being homemaker and homeschool teacher. She hardly realized how astonishing this was in the eyes of others—she just did what she knew God wanted her to do, finding His grace continually sufficient and His power made perfect in her weakness. In November of 2001, Talitha took a road trip with her daddy and three brothers. They traveled to Colorado Springs, Colorado to attend an ETS (Evangelical Theological Society) conference, and immediately afterwards to work with Dr. Jay at the PNAC (the Preliminary North American Council) conference of the International Church Council Project (ICCP). Derek’s parents also traveled from Nebraska to attend the same conferences. During the conference, his parents observed Talitha and how she took care of her brothers. They were very impressed and after coming home from the conference they mentioned her to their son, Derek. Since Derek was still in the midst of earning his Computer Science Engineering degree from LeTourneau University in Texas, he felt he wasn’t in any position to seek out any serious relationships at that point. Talitha traveled home, totally unaware of the impression she had made on Derek’s parents. (One other significant matter took place during the PNAC. Derek’s father helped Dr. Jay Grimstead become aware of some men who were promoting serious theological heresy and shouldn’t be allowed to be part of ICCP. Dr. Jay was extremely grateful for this and ever since considered Derek’s father one of his “ol’ theological buddies”.) Another three years passed, in which Derek’s and Talitha’s family did not have any relationship, connection or contact. In 2003, the Lord gave Talitha’s father a godly, virtuous wife (from the Philippines, and the family rejoiced in God’s blessing of a new wife and mommy! Talitha continued to live with her family and serve them—helping her new mother adjust to her new life in the U.S., and continuing to help with the homemaking duties and homeschooling her younger brothers. Derek continued to attend LeTourneau University—working, studying, taking a few short-term missions trips, and traveling to Nebraska to visit his family. During these years, Talitha began writing down what she believed the Lord was putting on her heart as to what she should look for in her future husband—his theological convictions and beliefs and his character. Several times different relatives or friends spoke with Talitha about considering the possibility of taking some college classes or going to a Bible college where she would have a greater chance of “finding someone.” It was easy to see that there weren’t any possibilities in Talitha’s small circle of life—home was located in a pretty isolated part of California, and there weren’t any possibilities at church either. “Why not go to a place where you could meet more young Christian men?” seemed to them a reasonable encouragement. But Talitha didn’t feel that leaving home was the Lord’s purpose for her. Her family still needed her help, and she had the conviction that the Lord knew exactly who the man was who would be her husband. She felt that the Lord could bring him into her life even though, from a human standpoint, her position isolated her from all opportunities of “meeting someone.” So she continued to trust the Lord, open her heart up to her daddy regarding these things, and wait for the Lord’s purpose and timing for marriage. During these years, Derek also had been making a list of what he believed the Lord had put on his heart as to what he should look for in his future wife. During his years at LeTourneau University, God provided Derek with several good sisters in Christ who had many admirable qualities. Because Derek practiced a courtship view of relationships, he believed he should be closer to being ready for marriage (spiritually, emotionally, economically, etc.) before getting into his first serious relationship. (Talitha also shared this conviction of courtship between families.) However, none of the girls he met during these years had all of the qualities God had led him to seek in a future wife. There was always something that couldn’t be reconciled with what God had put on his heart—he had to just keep waiting on God’s timing and praying because he hadn’t found her yet. After hearing what qualities and background Derek was looking for in a wife, some of his friends said jokingly, “You are not gonna find this girl this side of heaven. She’s too perfect and doesn’t exist.” After graduating from LeTourneau in 2004 with a Computer Science Engineering degree, Derek moved back in with his parents in Nebraska. Because the job he had been promised after college graduation fell through, he began job searching again. In October 2004, Dr. Jay Grimstead and Talitha’s brother, begin planning a trip to the Midwest. They wanted to help a homeschool political group with campaigning in South Dakota. Part of their plan was to stay a couple of nights in Derek’s family’s home in Nebraska. While talking with Dr. Jay on the phone, when Derek’s father heard that Talitha’s brother was going to be staying at his home he said to Dr. Jay, “I remember that family. And I remember their eldest daughter, Talitha. I was really impressed with her.” Dr. Jay thinks to himself, “Yeah. A lot of people were impressed with her. So what?” Then Derek’s dad added, “And I have a son…” He then asked, “Would you please ask Talitha’s father if he would be open to my son and his daughter getting to know each other and forming a friendship through email and phone?” Talitha: Daddy talked on the phone with Derek’s father and then with Derek. Daddy and I had had several conversations about the subject of marriage and what I was looking for in my future husband. I had even given him a copy of my list to keep on file so that he could screen any possible young men who came along. After conversing with Derek and his father, Daddy asked me if I’d be open to the possibility of forming a friendship with Derek through phone and email. At first I was very hesitant, but Daddy saw my fear and said gently but straightforwardly, “Talitha, you can’t expect to hide in a hole somewhere and have the Lord pick you up someday, set you in front of the altar, and say, ‘Okay, this is “the one”.’ In every relationship there is a risk of being hurt or disappointed. But every relationship begins with a friendship.” I knew he was right and agreed to begin a friendship through email and phone. Derek: After passing her dad’s extensive phone interview (which greatly impressed me), I sent my first email to Talitha on October 16, 2004. The first line read, “Hi Talitha, …So, what do you say when you first meet someone over email ??? I don’t know about you, but I’d have to say this is a first for me.” (Talitha: This made me laugh and helped “break the ice”.) Over the course of the next four months, Derek and Talitha emailed each other an average of once or twice a week (also sending digital pictures once in a while), and Derek called her only once a week. They asked each other lots of questions and had many theological discussions. They became pretty well acquainted with where each stood in their convictions and beliefs, and were at times challenged in their reasoning and position on various issues. Derek: I remember thinking that it was a slow-going process to get to know Talitha over phone and email and wished I could speed up the acquisition of information about her to make an informed decision (the engineer in me). What I didn’t realize was that this was just what she needed to warm up to me and gradually accept the idea that this might be from the Lord and she could learn to trust me. In February 2005, I decided it was time to meet Talitha and her family face-to-face for the first time and see where the Lord would lead from there. She had a lot of potential, but I still had some areas about her that I needed to get learn more about and wanted to see her with her family. I flew to California on March 1st, 2005 and stayed until early Friday morning, March 4th, 2005 on my way to a wedding of two college friends in Seattle, WA. Talitha: At first I didn’t know what to expect from Derek. I was pretty nervous and my heart was pounding. But during our first conversation together, Derek made it clear to me that he still viewed our relationship at a “friendship stage” at that point. He told me, “During the entire course of our relationship thus far, I’ve been talking with your Dad and working with him on what would help him with his role as the father in guarding your heart. I’ve been doing my best to help guard your heart, and I hope you are doing your best to guard your heart.” I was so grateful for his open communication and admired his honesty and integrity of character. My heart was definitely more rested after that, and I was able to relax and enjoy his time with my family and myself. When he left, some friends from church asked me if he had asked Daddy permission to court me and I replied that if he did, I wasn’t aware of it. Then I described Derek’s “friendship stage” conversation to them. Derek and Talitha continued their relationship, communicating by phone and email during the month of March and some of April. Derek: In April, I felt that God was putting Talitha on my heart more and more. The more I got to know her, the more I found that she met everything I was searching for in a companion. I knew that God was confirming in my heart that this relationship was moving into a courtship stage, towards marriage unless God made it obviously clear to either of us to change direction. I communicated this to Talitha’s father and then Talitha, which made her very glad. (Talitha: I remember when Derek shared this with me on the phone, “I tell those who know about you that you’re ‘the girl I’m courting’.” My heart leaped! He says ‘I’m the girl he’s courting’ now!) I talked with Talitha’s father about flying Talitha to Nebraska to visit me and my family in May, even potentially during the weekend of my brother’s wedding. He said that would be fine to ask her. Talitha: After talking with Daddy, Derek said to me, “Well, you could come and visit my family during a time when nothing is happening, or… you could come on the weekend of my brother’s wedding.” “Oh yeah, I’d love to come to your brother’s wedding!” was my exuberant reply. As the day of the trip gradually approached, our phone conversations made it more and more clear to me that marriage was on Derek’s mind; yet when my sister inquired, “So after this trip, where do you think you’re relationship will go from here?”, I had to say honestly, “I don’t know. Derek’s leading the relationship. I don’t know where we’ll go from here.” It seemed to me that he could possibly decide not to pursue marriage—Derek hadn’t made any kind of commitment and I purposed to not presume upon his thoughts, but wait and see what the Lord would do in my and Derek’s relationship. Derek set Talitha’s visit from Friday, May 13th to Tuesday, May 24th. Talitha: During the incredibly busy weekend of Derek’s brother’s wedding, I enjoyed myself immensely as I pitched in and helped with the wedding preparation activities. I met several of the family’s close friends and relatives and was warmly welcomed and blessed. I found, to my delight, that many of the family’s convictions and beliefs were exactly the same as mine and my family’s. “Wow!” I thought to myself, “I have a family here. I have friends here. I could really belong and be at home here with this family and their friends!” After that crazily busy weekend, in which I received what I call “an intensive course in Derek’s “Family Culture”, there was more time to relax and spend with Derek’s family during the day while he was at work and with Derek in the evenings. It became more and more apparent to me that Derek wanted to marry me, and I knew that I definitely wanted to be his wife. By the time Wednesday, May 18th , came around I was beyond any doubt that Derek would someday ask me to marry him, but I really had no idea when that would be. At first I was worried and anxious about when he would ask me, but then the Lord told me to give these anxieties to Him. When I did, my heart rested and became calm; I stopped worrying about “when” and rested in God’s timing and faithfulness. Derek: On Sunday evening, I took Talitha out to dinner and then to a favorite scenic location high upon one of the bluffs in Council Bluffs, where we had a panoramic view of downtown metropolis and the Missouri River spread out in front of us. I told her that I didn’t want to miss seeing the sunset together from that spot. Unbeknownst to her, I had another reason for bringing her there. We sat on a blanket and talked for a while, enjoying God’s creation and each others’ company. Just as the sun was almost finished setting, I told Talitha that I had a question I wanted to ask her, kneeled in front of her, took her hand in mine and asked Talitha to be my wife. We then sat there for a while talking and singing, until the full moon and stars came out. Talitha: As I was intently watching the sun sink into the horizon, Derek said, “I want to read something to you. ‘Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.’” [This passage is from the Bible, Proverbs 31.] Then he shared with me a special word picture that the Lord had given him—a word picture that described me and how the Lord entrusted me to Derek. He described me as a butterfly with beautiful colors on the inside of its wings and that God had placed this butterfly in his hand to protect. He finished by saying “… I was awed and humbled that the Lord had entrusted this beautiful butterfly, you, to me.” A moment’s silence passed. Then Derek said, “And… on that note …I have a question to ask you.” At this point, a huge grin spreads across his face. A grin that seemed to say, “I have a really, really great question to ask you!” I look at him and can’t help but giggle because all of a sudden, I KNOW what that question is! I turn my face away smothering my giggles and then look back at him, and he’s digging into his pocket and pulls out a black velvet jewelry box! Derek turns and faces me on one knee and says, “Talitha, I want to ask you to be my wife, to be my helper. I want to be your husband and to love you, protect you, and serve you. To have children together and raise a family together. To serve God together in His Kingdom. So…Talitha, will you be my wife?” “Yes, yes, yes!” was my earnest reply! (Derek: Talitha then read me Ruth 1:16-17 about “…where you go I will go…your people will be my people, and your God my God…may nothing but death separate us.”) This is only the beginning of our story… the prelude. God is so incredibly amazing! He is the author! We are overwhelmed by God’s goodness in bringing us together! Each of us has exceeded the other’s expectations! Remember that “future spouse” list that each of us had? Every single qualification was met and more!!! Our personalities, strengths, weaknesses, talents and skills complement each other so well! Our families each hold to a unique combination of convictions and beliefs, which we have rarely (if ever) seen in our lifetimes thus far—and these convictions and beliefs correspond exactly! Looking at the history of each of our lives, with myself (Derek) going to a Christian college in Texas and Talitha choosing to help her family in California over going to college, the mathematical probability that we would ever meet each other, form a relationship, and marry are absolutely inconceivable! Neither Talitha nor I ever dated or courted anyone, before God brought us together, but we trusted the Lord to bring our partner in his perfect timing. We are grateful to the Lord for preserving our hearts, emotions and purity from all others, until we could share these with each other. From different backgrounds, different walks of life, different homes across the country, God in His Providence, brought us together. Thank you Lord. Psalm 145 accurately describes how we feel about our story! Sola Deo Gloria!!! (To God alone be the glory!!!) If you find our story interesting or would like to get to know us, our contact information is below. Derek and Talitha: DerekDF@cox.net
|
