The only reason why i am writing on xanga is because the blog on myspace isnt working right now..... Today was Johnny's wake....

   I got into the car.. and already i could feel the tears swell up in my eyes... I knew what i was going to see... I knew what it was going to be like.. I knew what to expect.....We got to the funeral home and already I could feel my face heating up.... I could feel the sting on my eyes from the tears.... We walked up to people... Some people I'd seen plenty of times... Some people i had only just met.... Crystal, Debbie, and Dawn where the people that I already knew.. and then i met John Jr... I dont remember ever meeting him... But still I gave him a kiss and told him i was sorry..... Then we walked into the funeral home...My heart was racing... Like i said before.. I knew what to expect..... A lifeless body.... But it was so much more then that to me... Here was my oldest friend... I mean this was the guy I'd known since i was a baby.... He's been in my life for the past 17 years..... As soon as i saw him i started to cry...He looked so lifeless..... so helpless..... This could not be the same Johnny Thomas that I grew up knowing.... The Johnny i knew was full of life and energetic no matter what... The Johnny I knew........ How badly i wanted him to wake up.... I wanted to believe that this was all a dream... a nightmare... and that i would wake up... and this would never have happened....God how i wanted him just to take a huge breath of air....just sit up and say thathe fell asleep or something....I wanted it to happen so bad that at one point.. I made myself thin that i saw him breathe in....Of course i knew he couldnt... But for that bief moment.. Life was normal again....I sat down in the back of the room....I just starred at him... How..... How could he be gone... He knew how much he ment to me and my family... He knew how much i cared for him.... He knew how much his family loved him.... How could he leave that all behind.... Even as i write this i am holding back the tears.... I cant cry here.... there are people here..... I have never come down to Conn. and never stopped in to see Johnny.... WHen my grandfather died I spent the entire week at Johnny's house and i spent every night there too.. and when my uncle died... i was always at Johnny's house.... Fuck... Part of me is so pissed off right now... Pissed off that he got taken away from us... from me...Pissed at how life can be so unpredictable.. so unsensitive...such a bitch.... My heart really feels like it was kicked right out of my chest.. and then stepped on... I dont know.. I just feel like.... Like.... I lost my best friend....

YAY

Poor Derrick... he got his wisdom teeth pulled... now he is in all kinds of pain.. and it makes me sad.... I hope he starts to feel better soon..... Hmm well last weekend on Friday i spent the night at Mel's house... we went to the movies and watched Shes the Man and The hills have eyes.... Shes the man was funny but the hills have eyes was pretty lame and gross.... and then me and Mel went home and started to watch some more movies but we didnt stay up to like watch ne of them..haha... hrmmm so what else.. and then when my mom came to get me.. We made a pit stop at Derricks house so I could see how he was doing... and then we came home and i did nothing all day.... SO now it is Sunday and my parents decided that they were going to go to PI to go shopping.... and I stayed home and talked to derrick.. but then he asked if i wanted to go over... so his mom came and got me and i went to his house.. and i was going to go to MR.CHS.. but i was having a lot of fun hanging out with Derrick so i stayed there instead.... We watched chicken little .. I love that movie.... It made me smile.... Fish was the best ... hmm so ne way i came home from Derricks house and then went to bed... sometime that night.. i dont remember what time.. and then i went to school yesterday... But Derrick was stil feeling like poo .... So he stayed home.... But thats okay.... I just want him to get better.... Today I went to school... Derrick came to school  but he was feeling really bad and his mouth hurt and he was tired.. and it made me .... And then i went to the Bridal Shop and they didnt have the dress i wanted.. so it made me even more ... But then we called up some people and found another dress that HOPEFULLY i will like ... yeah and i think it will be cheaper then the other one.. which is fine with me... and so yeah then i came home at around 4 and called derrick... i woke him up.... sorry.... but then i let him go back to sleep.. and i called him again like an hour and a half later and he was still sleeping... Poor thing... it breaks my heart to see him so tired and in pain...                                   

                 *100000000 kisses to derrick*

So yeah now I am home and not doing ne thing.. I dont think Derrick will call me tonight... thats okay tho... yeah so.. i am going to try and find something to do.....

     * Everytime we touch *

True Love

Oo ooo 
Mmmm 
Ye ye ye yea 
Oo ye ye yea 
Mmmmmmm 

6 years 5 months 
Thats how long we been having this thing 
We've got every moment hasnt been 
Perfect but still when its perfect it feels 
Like we're the only 2 people who have something real 
Now 3 years 2 weeks thats how long we been raising our family 
And I wouldn't go trading the love that we got 
So don't go changing I love you just the way you are 

It's true love when you say you need me like I need you 
And you can't be without me, like I can't be without you 
It's true love when we spend time talking on the phone 
Cause when we're not around each other we don't want to be alone 
It's true love, love, love, love 
Don't you know that it's good to be in love, love, love, love 
Just believe me truthfully cause love 
Is never ever making you cry 
Before I tell you a lie 
I'll give my life cause thats true love 

Now when the love's right 
Somehow you just know 
Cause you hold it tight 
And you don't wan't to let it go 
And its so deep inside of you that you just can't take it 
Cause it fills up your heart 
And you just you cant replace it 
Oh no 
Somebody's making love non-stop tonight 
And they can't make enough 
I know what it feels like 
Grab your lover by the hand 
Say that you understand 
How love really works 
So good that it hurts 

It's true love when you say you need me like I need you 
And you can't be without me, like i can't be without you 
It's true love when we spend time talking on the phone 
Cause when we're not around each other we don't want to be alone 
Its true love, love, love, love 
Don't you know that it's good to be in love, love, love, love 
Just believe me truthfully cause love 
Is never ever making you cry 
Before I tell you a lie 
I'll give my life cause thats true love 

Cause I don't need nobody but 
You in my life 
Oh baby 
Nooo no no oh 
Don't say you really understand what I'm sayin 
Say no more 
Cause I don't need nobody but 
You in my life 
Oh baby 
Nooo no no oh 
Don't say you really understand what I'm sayin 

It's true love when you say you need me like I need you 
And you can't be without me, like i can't be without you 
It's true love when we spend time talking on the phone 
Cause when we're not around each other we don't want to be alone 
Its true love, love, love, love 
Don't you know that it's good to be in love, love, love, love 
Just believe me truthfully cause love 
Is never ever making you cry 
Before I tell you a lie 
I'll give my life cause that's true love 

 I heart this song... Parts of it remind me of Derrick 

The truth is....