desenchantee_moi's Xanga Site

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Friday, March 18, 2005

and with each smile, laugh and sigh I hide behind the facade, little by little i die.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I think I feel your love tonight,
I think I need you, I think I see you.
I'm in the dark, I'm in the night,
I think I'm dreaming, my heart is screaming.
I think I feel your love tonight,
can't you hear me, I want you near me.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

In a way this is my confession of regretted actions that still haunt me to this day. Just the other night I cried my eyes out thinking of all the chances I had to get to know her better (my grandmother) but I didn’t and this is my fault for making the wrong choice. I didn’t go to her birthday party and she even asked me about that too eh. But no I went to that stupid cottage with my father and step mother. It’s my fault I am never there for anything when I need to be there the most. It’s my fault, it’s always my fault and there is nothing I can do to change that fact. To make matters worse I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye, a chance to say everything I was meaning to say to her. So why, why everything why death, pain remorse and sadness. This haunting and vicious cycle of eternally damning choices? Why life if death why life if nothing brings but pain and sorrow. Why must all good things come to bad just as bad things do? Why can’t the good things remain to linger longer and completely wipe out the negative feelings in the world? Why must we continue to suffer for actions that we continually regret? How do we move on? Where do we go from here, from the place we’re always dragged back to?

Saturday, March 20, 2004

I can't but feel so left behind sometimes. I mean the onlie way I can keep track of those left behind from my other life is through a xanga. How pretty pathetic... no one ever tells me anything directly anymore I'm like the last person to find out anything especially with my family. Sometimes I feel as though I don't exist in their minds because I'm not constantly there with them all the time. No I haven't been to all those parties you're reffering to no I wans't there at the time when all those funny things happend. Truth of the matter is that I;m not ever there to witness the good or bad and no one gives a damn to tell me about ne thing unless its bad. SIgh but iguess it was my fault after all that I dont know anything and no one informs me of anything back home because I chose to move out here. I guess its proof that you can't your cake adn eat it too. I thought that I could resume myself while I was bacck home but no I guess I cant

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

okay just breathe.............................

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH I WANNA FUCKIGN GET OUTTA HERE... I dont know why I'm here someone fucking remind me eh? argh see I dunt do shite to ne one I try my best to do whatever the fucking hell everyone wants me to do at home but no nothing seems to be good enough nothing seems to make a damn difference. Has it ever occured to ne one I'm not fucking perfect I cant do everything YOU WANT ME TO DO. and sure just kill me while yur at it. I HATE IT WHEN PPL FUCK AROUND WITH THE COMPUTER DELETING ESSENTIAL PROGRAMS. HELLO things are there for a reason. Okay if yu dunt kno what's going on I cant fucking change my fucking songs because a certain program was fucking deleted. Download it again yu say??? WELLL I CANT BE I"M JUST GONNA GET BITCH SLAPPED OKAY. Well whooperzes I think I'll just suffocate myself rite now bc my parents are doing it very slowly... sure enough I'll just choke one day but I guess that do wont come soon enough. Hahaha I dunt even kno what I'm typing rite now bc Im on a pathetic rant spazm ooh wonderful I dunt care who fucking reads this either bc yu all can go fuck yurselves. Okay noo sowwe my apologies I'm just spazzing out over one trivial thing that just keeps me sane day after day, after day, after day. SIGH I cant wait til I graduate I wont live with my parents I'll live by myself and do whatever the fuck I want but that day wont come soon enough. I guess I'm done. Kinda pathetic for a rant spazm but I dunt give a shite.