| sleepovers are fun. first time experiences are unforgettable. new experiences bring a thrill even before they begin. betrayal is depressing. false promises are even worse.
i think God doesnt want us to have anything to do with each other. Things were never easy from the start. Dont ask me how we made it through in the past, but in the end God will be victorious. Whatever, God wants will happen...and judging from the past this time we won't have a happy ending. =\
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| i hate how i always blame myself if anything goes wrong.
i hate how i go out of my way to make every friendship grow to it's potential.
i hate how bitter i act in an attempt to hide my anger.
=[
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| i feel so alone. yet im kind of doing it to myself. i'm not in the mood to speak to anyone but 1 person. i could be surrounded by many friends (as i was today), yet ill still feel alone because that person isnt with me. it's ridiculous and possibly exaggerated. i know im getting ahead of myself, jumping to conclusions..and my real worry isnt due to the circumstances between me and that person in the present, but how things will be in the future. the future always seems to be a greater worry for me then the present, i guess that's adult-like already.
well i know i dont have the right to complain. i have friends and family. several friends who i will keep in touch with in college, and a small but plentiful amount that i can picture staying in touch w/ for the rest of my life. i should cherish them now, not mope because i havent spoken to someone in a while. this is good for me in the long. this day was meant to come eventually. i need to stand on my own two feet.
group gathering today.
harry potter tomorrow.
=]
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| so i thought id write in here again. hmmm something happened recently that isnt too major but at the same time is. i feel independant and somewhat free [not that i was ever tied down]. i feel happy, i feel like i just got out of my shell. although at the same time i miss that person. yes it sounds crazy, how can missing someone lead you to feel independent? yet at the same time there is a comfort in the whole thing, that isnt there anymore. -sighs- just when things cant get anymore uncomfortable in my life, it has to start off with this. isnt college enough? and workstudy. not the best time to have a real job--in college. yet at the same time even this isnt a real job, it's workstudy. -shrugs-
well none of this made sense but then again none of my entries do. their only purpose is for me to make sense of my thoughts.
peacee
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