desi_love89's Xanga

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 19:09:09 GMT

sleepovers are fun. first time experiences are unforgettable. new experiences bring a thrill even before they begin. betrayal is depressing. false promises are even worse.

i think God doesnt want us to have anything to do with each other. Things were never easy from the start. Dont ask me how we made it through in the past, but in the end God will be victorious. Whatever, God wants will happen...and judging from the past this time we won't have a happy ending. =\

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:00:32 GMT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
=[

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 17:20:40 GMT

i hate how i always blame myself if anything goes wrong.

i hate how i go out of my way to make every friendship grow to it's potential.

i hate how bitter i act in an attempt to hide my anger.

=[

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 05:07:37 GMT

i feel so alone. yet im kind of doing it to myself. i'm not in the mood to speak to anyone but 1 person. i could be surrounded by many friends (as i was today), yet ill still feel alone because that person isnt with me. it's ridiculous and possibly exaggerated. i know im getting ahead of myself, jumping to conclusions..and my real worry isnt due to the circumstances between me and that person in the present, but how things will be in the future. the future always seems to be a greater worry for me then the present, i guess that's adult-like already.

well i know i dont have the right to complain. i have friends and family. several friends who i will keep in touch with in college, and a small but plentiful amount that i can picture staying in touch w/ for the rest of my life. i should cherish them now, not mope because i havent spoken to someone in a while. this is good for me in the long. this day was meant to come eventually. i need to stand on my own two feet.

group gathering today.
harry potter tomorrow.
=]

Monday, July 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:53:16 GMT

so i thought id write in here again. hmmm something happened recently that isnt too major but at the same time is. i feel independant and somewhat free [not that i was ever tied down]. i feel happy, i feel like i just got out of my shell. although at the same time i miss that person. yes it sounds crazy, how can missing someone lead you to feel independent? yet at the same time there is a comfort in the whole thing, that isnt there anymore. -sighs- just when things cant get anymore uncomfortable in my life, it has to start off with this. isnt college enough? and workstudy. not the best time to have a real job--in college. yet at the same time even this isnt a real job, it's workstudy. -shrugs-

well none of this made sense but then again none of my entries do. their only purpose is for me to make sense of my thoughts.

peacee

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 05:37:44 GMT

keri 'inspired' me to write in here again. this is a time when ventin would be good.
damn my last entry is depressin. things are soo different now.

ummm yeahh so when i figure out wut i wanna say and im actually more awake ill write. till now, just comin back and gettin rid of the cobwebs.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 21:54:38 GMT

well i dont have much to say in here. just dont feel like doing homework. all i can say is some people are idiots. they deliberately say/do things to try to break 2 people apart for their own selfish intentions. there's no point in me getting all mad because i know that that person can do all they want but in the end it wont change anything. still, it upsets me. people need a reality check and need to stop hurting other people. esp. people they barely know.

other then that i have nothing to say. tomorrow's my last day of school then on friday i go to heaven. wooottt. =]

"a thousand miles seems pretty far
but they've got planes and trains and cars
i'd walk to you if i had no other way
our friends will all make fun of us
but we'll just laugh along because
we know that none of them have felt this way"

2 days

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 03:15:33 GMT

well im finally done with homework, yet i cant sleep. lately ive been so paranoid of the future. yeah sure, i think its common..im a senior about to enter college. but thats not even my worry. i know i wont be anything amazing. ill just be your average person..working at your average job..making your average salary. nothing unique. nothing spectacular. maybe an accountant or something. in any case, i guess that's good enough for me. what im more concerned about are the people that will be in my future. it seems that everyone that comes leaves, just when ive gotten closer with them. if they dont leave, they might as well..because theyre slowly taking steps away from me--which is torture and unusual punishment.

i wanna have that 1 person who i know will always be by my side. i want someone who i can picture talking to 50 years from now who i can talk to about taking a retiring vacation together. yes i know i mention this in every other entry but its really bugging me.

sounds crazy i know. but i cant help it, im an idealist. not that the current situations have helped. right now i have someone special in my life, those people that i thought only existed in fairy tales. so, if my fairy tale can come true..then why not this crazy daydream?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 02:36:35 GMT

im trying not to get too attached to anyone cuz in the end that's what fucks me over. but at the same time, it seems unavoidable. the only person that i know will be there for me always & forever is my mother. she's the one person i trust more then myself. but other then that i gotta stop thinking that people will always be there because in reality that's not the case. what a harsh truth to life.

"now it seems to me
that you know just what to say
but words are only words
can you show me something else
can you swear to me
that you'll always be this
show me how you feel
more then every baby"

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 23:31:10 GMT

eh its been a while. i want a job. i want to prove myself responsible..not to others but to myself. i want to feel like a young adult. i feel like everyone has grown up without me..even though these same people are my age. ehh ill see.

i dont need anyone who's just gunna bring me down. i dont need someone who wont be there for me. i dont need someone to step over me.

yet who am i to complain? i have 2 people that are my strengths that im grateful for more & more everyday.

"i wanted more then just a man
i needed a friend
someone i could talk to
someone who' really listen
when you touched my hand
the sun got brighter then.."

o8-o8
now thats sexy