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| done freshman year. very weird. i miss doug already. im excited to see my friends however. but now i must unpack and sleepy. im very sleepy. hence the weird, short sentences. night all. | | |
| my heart is hammering in my chest and i can't seem to catch my breathe. i would love to say it was from running, or seeing something incredible, or from being happy...but it's simply from stress. i haven't eaten in days, and for the past 5 days i've been at the library for at least 10 hours. i'm so scared to fail. tomorrow is the climax i've been working for. my two hardest finals. i know some people think i should just relex, that they are just two grades. Not much considering i will be getting many more for the next 5 years of classes. But to me, they are why i worked in high school; to get into college, to do well in college. They also represent my self worth. If i can't work hard and accomplish something i am determined towards, then what good am i?
black bird fly. black bird fly. into the night. a dark black night.
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| Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I just wanted to put a message out there that you shouldn't get caught up in the commercialization of this holiday. Today should be about telling the people you care about that you love them. Today should be about spending time with those who mean something to you. Don't be sad if you don't have a significant other, or if you don't get chocolates from anyone. Spend the day making others feel good about themselves, and trust me, you'll feel good about yourself as well in the end.
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| I walked around the city for two hours last night, not caring about the cold. It was beautiful. I'm begining to feel like this place, this city, is my home. I walked along stone roads, passed cemetaries and churches, talked to strangers. I found an outdoors Holocaust memorial, it was beautiful as well. I wish Naomi was with me. Then I would have someone to cry with who would understand. Instead I just memorized how I got there, so I could go back. Next time I go I will bring something to leave for my ancestors, for my great Aunt Ellie. I want to walk around the city tonight again. I know I will find something else just as beautiful. I might find myself. I just have to pick another direction and walk.
I'm not scared.
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| god i'm confused. i hate that there's so much thinking and analyzing in relationships. i wish it was simple. i wish i could just call when i felt like it, without worrying that i was calling too much. i wish that i could just talk openly and freely about how i felt, without worrying that i will scare him off. i wish that i could just accept his compliment,s without worrying he didn't mean them and just said them to get something from me.
some days, i just wish i was home.
on another note...
i got a text message from my ex-boyfriend calling me fake today. i'm not sure how to respond to that. i'm obviously not going to respond to him, by respond i mean within myself. am i fake? do i deserve to be told that? again i'm confused. and again i wish i could be home.
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