How deaf children fool parents and what to expect

This is for hearing parents of young deaf children. Especially if you have a bright child. As a parent, you have the understandable mindset that your child is hearing because that is the only kind you know. Then you wonder, did he hear you? Even though by now you know he has a hearing impairment, hope still recurs.

You crank up the TV. Or sharply thump a toy drum. He begins to look around and then gives you a quizzical look. Ah, you think, he heard that!

Perhaps he has residual hearing and did hear that. Most likely, if he is profoundly deaf, he has already learned to pick up vibrations. Vibrotactile sensation is heightened in the deaf.

So, you think, put him on the shag carpet or on the bed and let 'er rip. He can't pick up vibes from the thickly padded floor.

Think again. Like a balloon held in the hands, his hollow, air-filled chest is resonating, picking up vibrations. So is anything he might be holding, such as a nesting box or a hollow ball.

You enter the room later, and he looks up. Did he hear you?  Probably not, he noticed a slight change of light, a shadow, a puff of air, a reflection in a shiny surface in the room, and alerted to your presence.

(How do you catch a unique child?  Unique up on him.)

Later on, his teacher might tell you excitedly, he heard and understood words spoken behind a card held in front of her face! He grins, noggin trussed in oversized earphones and festooned with wires like a Christmas tree, and nods. No, he isn't fooling you, he really thinks he has hit on a way to please his teacher, and you, too.  

He was watching the visible parts of his teacher's face and body. Perhaps her reflection in nearby mirrors or the shiny surface of the microphone. He sees her throat movements, the slight arching of an eyebrow, the rise and fall of her chest. And he guesses correctly, since the number of words is limited and the forms quite different from one another. "Blue" is seen with widened eyes, narrowing of the tops of her cheeks, and a fall of the chest beneath her blouse. "Green" is seen as a crinkling of her eyes and a smile behind the card.

You say, great! Your hope of a hearing child becomes a little more real. Your child might even be one of those trotted onto a table at the next convention, a poster child for the miracle of auditory training. But the show fails, because in the dim light of the meeting hall, there are fewer visible clues.  And nobody, including the child, knows why there are no pats on the head this time.

Most deaf adults can tell you of "gotcha" memories like this. Don't fall for these accidental markers of false success, instead be aware that your progeny is one of those rare, exciting people...a SEEING person. Seeing people can be uncannily observant, almost to the point of extrasensory perception. It is a joy to watch how they attend to their environment, carefully examining and experiencing their surroundings, mapping their brains to live in a visually rich world.

Raising a totally seeing child, when you have yourself grown up differently can be disconcerting. It isn't like raising a foreign-born child, neither is it like raising an alien from a different world. It is more like raising an artistic child in a family of blue-collar workers. 

Only when one appreciates the nature of his gift of seeing can one encourage him to grow to his potential. In raising an artistic child, you learn to see things in different ways, to search for and provide him with art materials, and seek out people who can tutor him in his talents. You will be richer for the experience and your child will be richer for being appreciated in just being himself.

Do not raise him to be like yourself, but to express himself in his own way. Give him all the visual tools you can to help him along and join in their use, even though you might feel spectacularly untalented in their use. Don't worry about it, just enjoy.