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| One Year Later...I felt like blogging and blogger was fuckin' up so I decided to come back to Xanga for tonight. It's almost been a year since I last posted here, and reading the comment Tida left me made me realize how you never know how things are gonna turn out. Last year I was mad at Tida for not going to my show, but this year she went twice. And FAME is special for me so I really appreciate her going, especially twice, and that she wanted to go not just because I wanted her to. And we're hanging out atleast three times a week now.
Now, a year later, things are different again. Tida and I smoke weed a few times a week, at least with the other people we hang out with but let's not drop names. I don't care about anything anymore. Blunts and smoke are the things I look forward to. I couldn't care less if I got caught up kind of because my room smelled like some type of smoke, I couldn't care less about anything except when the next time to kick it is. I can't want for summer, I need a break from school and this routine.
I don't wanna run away as much anymore, but I just really don't feel like being at home. It's not where the heart is right now. I always wanna kick it. I don't want that Microsoft internship either. I don't care about the African American Museum. I don't care about Japanese class, and the teacher needs to stop thinking that I do, I'm not an IB robot like the rest of her students.
I'm happy with the choices I'm making these days though, besides the fact that I have a headache from smoking earlier today. Tihoot or whatever from MESA gets on my nerves I'm glad I was high at MESA today because I can't stand her for shit.
I feel like I don't really have friends except for the people that go to Tida's house... And I feel that that's all I need right now, at least until I get back to Franklin where I will try to get back on track. But right now I don't wanna cut down smoking anything and I'm gonna keep doin' what I do.
I am a different person now, and very few people know me anymore. That's ok, the ones that do know me are the ones that matter. There's nothing else to say.
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| StrawbArrYM1lk: ahh darren i dunno what i wouldve done with myself if it werent fer uStrawbArrYM1lk: u inspired me to do sooo many things its funnyStrawbArrYM1lk: never got the chance to thank youStrawbArrYM1lk: lolStrawbArrYM1lk: soStrawbArrYM1lk: thanks | | |
| you guys fucking piss me off i dont even know why i try.
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| 042806
525,600 minutes!
tonight was opening night for F.A.M.E.
the feeling after it was over was indescribable, and unforgettable.
everyone did a great job, and i felt really proud that we finally got it down.
i cant wait till tomorrow night.
thanks to the people who came out and saw me too!
it really means a lot to me, since i spent the past month in that auditorium.
props to ms. smith!
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| Usher - Burn - 04/24/05
I took the bus all the way home from Nedessa's house today. The WHOLE way, even the walking from the bus stop. While I was walking, "Burn" came on, and I decided to listen to just let it play. As it kept playing, I couldn't help but think of well... what do I always think of? Actually, now that I think about it, I think I take look back on middle school EVERYDAY since I left it. Heck, I even looked back before I left it. But that's besides the point.
VENISE talked to me on the phone while I rode the bus. It feels like she's the only friend I've kept over the years. I still can't describe our friendship. I shouldn't even try anymore, but I'd like to be able to tell people what the relationshp between us is. Bestfriend isn't the right word. It's something different. It's on a higher level than that. She's like a super-friend or something. If she were online, I wouldn't be blogging right now because my mind would be on something other than this. Or maybe I'd be talking to her about this, she'd tell me that she feels the same way... Funny how I'm not on her top eight huh? Oh well, I don't mind.
While walking, another person came into my mind. That person is Kathy Meas. Walking at night will always remind me of her now. I'm sure of that. I kept thinking about the late nights we would spend doing whatever we used to do. I can't even remember what we did. All I really remember is we walked. Everywhere. But what made those late night walks with her so enjoyable? Was it the conversations we had? Or maybe it was just that fact that I was in good company... Maybe even... just feeling like I belonged there with her. It was just a very comfortable feeling. Yeah, that's it. No matter how cold or rainy it was, or how far we had to walk in those conditions... I never really minded. Going to the mall, laying on Mimi's bed eating KFC, eating out (my favorite thing to do)...Those days were great. By the way, "Burn" reminds me of you because I have it on "Baby K's Mix" from like 04-15-04 or something like that... We used to bump that in the fitness center... Maybe we could catch up sometime?
I don't really talk to anyone besides Venise these days. I mean REALLY talk. I guess that sense of belonging is gone. It has been ever since the seventh grade. Maybe that's why I keep switching schools. But I want to have ... a good sleep over at Tida's house (Carrie) or spend a warm night just roaming the streets or a BBQ or ..heck lets go g-riding! What happened to the fun we used to have without intoxicants? ... Oh I forgot, we're in high school now. It's all different. I have no friends. My buddylist has one person on it.
I played burn 26 times while writing this entry.
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