people sometimes ask me if I find myself to be an intravert or an extravert. I've always answered extravert, which, as many know, means that I love to be around people, I find it easy to talk to others and make friends easily. I love big groups, and I generally feel energized by being around others.

it has become clear to me over the past couple of weeks (possibly months) that I have actually become and intravert and no longer find the joy around others, or at least bigger groups, as I once did. I no longer feel vibrant and alive with joy when I'm in groups of people. at least groups large enough that if I were to leave, my absence would not be noted, or the effect on the course of the group's actions/discussion/quality time would be nonexistent. in other words, I may as well not be present. whereas in the past my self esteem was great when I was in the company of about 7+ people, I feel now that in any group that exceeds 4 people (including myself) I begin to feel drained, tired, and uninterested in what's happening or being said, as well as a slight feeling of seclusion that seems to set over me. much like a blanket falling flat over my body and the immediate surrounding area. this becomes apparent when I begin to pace around, or try to find interest in my surroundings other than the people (which always fails).

I've realized now that I find solace in being alone (a thought which always used to terrify me to my core) or in being in the company of 1 to 3 people. it was hard for me to accept this revelation seeing as how I used to dive into a deep depression when I found myself being alone or out of the company of bigger crowds of friends for more than a day, sometimes even more than half a day. it was this problem alone that sent me spiraling into the effects of this depression, which I spoke of at the GCS Christmas Dinner last year.

I never thought it would be possible for such a strong extravert as myself, someone who was wholly dependent on the company of others to function (think of it as a backwards social anxiety disorder) to become an intravert and find peace being in the company of nobody but myself.

pretty busy day. awoke to cheyenne poking me in the head. apparently my alarm had been blasting for about 40 minutes unheard by yours truly. the volume was so loud, as I'm told, that you could coherently comprehend the radio from downstairs. yet it still took a finger poking me in the head to wake me up.

at the moment, I'm typing this with a gregory iles book sitting next to me which I am contemplating reading for a little while after my xanga adventure over for the night. to my far right, eric is playing some sweet blues finger picking on his twelve string. I plan to moon him before the end of the nite, or in the very near future.

cheyenne and I, after awakening, wen to pick up her parking permit visited a poster sale, at which I bought some sweet posters, including: space ghost, mt. fuji japan, a little kid picking his butt with the words "picky picky" accompanying, and a SWEET picture of tom welling.

I just mooned eric.

the evening waned with dinner at cheyenne's with her parents and brother, followed by a doing of the monday crossword puzzle. finally the nite closed after seeing the exorcism of emily rose, then steak n shake with eric. now chey is driving home and I'm here, wanting to read my book after I finish this entry. which I believe will be riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight......................NOW!

I think it's time I made a REAL post.

some new stuff has developed in the recent past. my parents told me a couple days ago that it's a possibility they might move back to chicago, in lake forest (close to the hainesville/grayslake area I lived in). I'm not really sure how I feel about that. it's kinda cool, but at the same time my parents will be six hours away. . . if they move that is. hopefully pactiv can give my dad a job as well, so he won't have to go looking for yet another one. I know that moving to chicago from texas, then to ohio from chicago hasn't been easy job wise for him. if they can give him a job along with ma then they'll both move before the end of the year. they'll be giving kristen the choice to either move in with me until she finishes high school, or move to illinois with them at the same time. after high school (wherever she decides to finish at) she'll be going to texas for college. she doesn't know about any of this yet.

the japanese has been coming along greatly. it's so much easier than I expected. but I haven't even started writing yet, just verbal. I assume THAT section will be harder. I bought the books I need for my 101 class. I plan on starting them both before class starts a couple weeks from now.

cheyenne helped me dye my hair black last nite, which made me EXTREMELY nervous because she's never done it before. she ended up dyinga lot of my skin, but luckily hte neighbors had nail polish remover. rubbing alcohol was nowhere to be found. there are still a few minor strands of red here and there which makes it look really sweet. brendan julz and I stayed up til 4:30am playing uno. we figured it was a forgotten game, plus we were bored.

I had dinner with cheyenne and her family tonite. lasagna with garlic bread. the first hot meal I've had in weeks. it was absolutely delicious! chris has started learning french, and he said he can get me a replacement copy of section 8 for japanese. the first was scratched so it couldn't rip. after dinner chey, her brother and I went longboarding around the neighborhood. she gave me a book she said she'd like me to read called the prayer of jabez, which I've heard a little about. I'm excited to start it. now she's at applebee's with ashley and christina. I decided to call it a nite. I'm pretty sure eric and I are gonna watch eother boiler room or jacob's ladder.

daniel, faith, and noelle come back from thailand tomorrow. a bunch of us are meeting at my house before we go the the airport to welcome them back home. then for college group, since cambell hall is still closed, we're playing volleyball at the woodruff courts on high.

well, that's it for tonite. and probably for a while. until next time, oyasumi nasai!~

praise the LORD!!!!! we have internet now! score.

we're all moved in. my room is huge. there was a cricket in it one day.

my hair is no longer red (sigh).

I have sweet nepalese neighbors. they blazed up a fatty right in front of me. that's NOT sweet.

I've picked up boarding again. as well as hackey sack.

I'm learning japanese at the moment. it's easy.

dinner at cheyenne's tonite.

my parents may move back to chicago (lake forest). my sister may move with them or move in with me.

I heard a loud man screamin at a lady, frequently using the 'F Bomb' at 2 in the morning a couple nites ago.

another post.

I'm packing today. eric and I are moving to a townhouse down the street.

I got up at 7am today. it's a beautiful day outside!~ I wish I were a morning person. I'm not.

I'm thinking of taking a trip in about 9-12 months from now.

classes start in a couple weeks. I'm excited. japanese.

the end. ha.