(A CUSTOMER steps up to a video-store counter with a stack of videos.)
CASHIER: Hi. Did you find everything you wanted?
CUSTOMER: (Handing over membership card.) Yes, thanks. (Pause.) When is this one due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, when's it due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Yes. The Day After Tomorrow.
CASHIER: Right.
CUSTOMER: Right. When's it due back?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: I mean the movie. The Day After Tomorrow. When is it due?
CASHIER: Oh! I get it. That's funny. You thought I meant—right, OK. It's due the day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: The Day After Tomorrow is due the day after tomorrow?
CASHIER: Exactly.
CUSTOMER: And Before Sunset?
CASHIER: Anytime before 10.
CUSTOMER: Is it the same as The Day After Tomorrow?
CASHIER: We close the same time every day. Ten o'clock.
CUSTOMER: But what day is the video due?
CASHIER: The Day After Tomorrow?
CUSTOMER: Why are you asking me?
CASHIER: The Day After Tomorrow is due the day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: I know, but what about Before Sunset?
CASHIER: Anytime before closing.
CUSTOMER: But what day?
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Before Sunset?
CASHIER: You can bring it then if you want to, but we're open till 10.
CUSTOMER: The movie! Before Sunset. When is Before Sunset due?
CASHIER: Oh! We did it again, didn't we? Isn't that just like that ... what's that sketch called? Anyway. Sorry. Before Sunset is due the day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: Thank you. (Pause.) Is that the same for the others?
CASHIER: You're not renting The Others.
CUSTOMER: Why not?
CASHIER: I don't know. You can if you want to.
CUSTOMER: Well, I would like to rent the others, please.
CASHIER: I'll check the computer.
CUSTOMER: For what?
CASHIER: The Others.
CUSTOMER: What's in front of you?
CASHIER: (Looking through stack.) Well, we have The Day After Tomorrow and Before Sunset. Then Seven, After Hours, 48 Hours, Ten, and Before Sunrise. Hey, that's funny, "before sunrise"—we could have gotten confused about that too, huh?
CUSTOMER: Yeah. Could you ring them up, please?
CASHIER: So you don't want The Others?
CUSTOMER: I want all of them.
CASHIER: But not The Others?
CUSTOMER: I want everything sitting right there in front of you.
CASHIER: OK, I'll ring them up. (Pause.) I'm sorry, but your account limits you to six rentals.
CUSTOMER: Oh, OK, I won't rent Ten.
CASHIER: Excuse me?
CUSTOMER: Get rid of Ten.
CASHIER: You have seven here.
CUSTOMER: I still want to rent Seven.
CASHIER: You're not allowed to.
CUSTOMER: Why can't I rent Seven?
CASHIER: Because it's over the limit.
CUSTOMER: Right, but I want Seven. Get rid of Ten.
CASHIER: (Pause.) That would leave negative three.
CUSTOMER: Excuse me?
CASHIER: You know what? We'll just let it slide this time.
CUSTOMER: Thank you. (Pause.) Is that one due back the day after tomorrow, too?
CASHIER: Yes, you have 48 hours.
CUSTOMER: But is it due with the others?
CASHIER: You don't have The Others.
CUSTOMER: What did you just ring up?
CASHIER: You want me to read these to you again?
CUSTOMER: No, just tell me when they're due.
CASHIER: The day after tomorrow.
CUSTOMER: But what about the others?
CASHIER: You don't have The Others.
CUSTOMER: Is 48 Hours due the day after tomorrow?
CASHIER: Yes, by 10 o'clock.
CUSTOMER: Is Ten due the day after tomorrow?
CASHIER: Yes, by 10 o'clock.
CUSTOMER: What about After Hours?
CASHIER: There's a late fee.
CUSTOMER: For what?
CASHIER: If you return after hours.
CUSTOMER: The day after tomorrow?
CASHIER: All of them.
CUSTOMER: So it's due the day after tomorrow?
CASHIER: By 10.
CUSTOMER: What about Seven?
CASHIER: You can bring it then if you want to, but we're open till 10.
CUSTOMER: The movie! The movie! When is the movie Seven due?
CASHIER: (Holding up each video one at a time.) Seven is due at 10 the day after tomorrow. The Day After Tomorrow is due at 10 the day after tomorrow. Before Sunset is due at 10 the day after tomorrow. 48 Hours is due at 10 the day after tomorrow. After Hours is due at 10 the day after tomorrow. And Ten is due at 10 the day after tomorrow
CUSTOMER: Thank you! (Noticing the last video after a long pause.) But what about Before Sunrise?
CASHIER: (Pause.) We're not open before sunrise.
(CUSTOMER gives up and walks out.)
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)
Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash
Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He
invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one.
Which one?
A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.
Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not.
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".
"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system"
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)
Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside it.
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