To quote Britney Spears....

"It's been a while."

8DDDDD; Sorry, it had to be done.

So um. HIIIIIII EVERYONE!~ I hope none of you have been missing me ever since my leave like... a year ago it feels. Actually, I secretly conceitedly hope you guys have, since that'd make me feel loved. However, seeing as I got less than ten comments in the past month (I just checked), I don't think that's the case. 8] But whatever.

I've been avoiding Xanga for the express purpose of having to get back on track, since it's just another added priority on my list. For those of you that've kept in contact with me through other methods (aka MyFace as my friend's mom so eloquently puts it), you know that I have gotten a life. It's crazy and a foreign feeling. >_<; Like, I actually have to do things now and get off my lazy butt, which means not much time for rotting in front of the computer.

...Actually that's a lie, I've still found time to rot, it's just on other sites plus AIM. :'D But anyway.

So what have I been doing allllllllll this time? Okay, so essentially every day has been devoted to Mock Trial--a cult I'm part of at school. I mentioned it a while back, but it's the sole reason I haven't been able to do ANYTHING Xanga- or design-related in the past few months! It's totally beyond words how difficult and time-consuming it is, since we analyze the smallest, most seemingly minute stuff in our case and take everything to the extreme. It's crazy. I have at least five MTT-related dreams a week, and I'm not exaggerating. Since my school's team is especially competitive, we've sweeped the county title and we're going to LA this weekend to compete for the state title. Exciting, no? :'D And after that there's Nationals in Deleware, but something tells me we won't get that far. T____________T;; And yeah.

E>

I also have to take care of the well-being of over twenty kids when we go to Fanime, apparently. And plan everything, since the vice pres of the club just left a few months ago and I wasn't aware of this until recently. Club shambles much? -____-; It's stressful. There's Cherry Blossom Festival coming up in less than a month, and I have to make sure other peoples' cosplays are ready to wear. I myself am screwed as is--I have to work with non-stretch VINYL (aka Fabric from Hell) to make a dress from no pattern, since there weren't any patterns my size, and you can't really modify an 8 down to 00. *(#@&$!

So. What else... Oh, another reason webdesign's come to a stop is because I killed my computer in late December. It was like THE worst day of my life; I mean, it didn't crash, but the fact that I'm pretty sure it was my fault pretty much ruins everything. I dunno though. I still have my old hard disk and my dad bought this thing so that I can access the files on it, but I still haven't gotten around to installing that or whatever. I have a new laptop now, but it's not the saaaameeee. #^#;; *angstflail* I have PhotoShop installed, but I barely have any brushes or textures. Which is why Synesthesia's currently half-dead. :[

...Fine, dead. But I'll revive it! >A<;; b

So honestly now. Ever since I started this whole anime interest, Xanga business and all of that, I've felt like I'm declining when I really should be becoming something more--everyone's always told me that I was a smart kid, and I was a few points short of attending the single most elite student programs/schools in the Chicago area back when I lived there. And I felt that getting into all of this computer stuff would bring me down, and honestly, it has--but I'll admit, I like it. I don't want to get into a  full-fledged rant (because honestly, it would take a while to unlodge everything that would need to be said), but yeah. Ever since I came into high school, I had a resolve to shape up so I could go to the Ivy League school I wanted.

Obviously, things haven't played out as I wanted them to, seeing that I was unintentionally made pres of the Anime Club, plus a number of other roles in the cosplay & convention community. I'm now hoping I can use those things to my advantage, because, even though I sometimes sit back and feel bad for "wasting my time" on such stuff because it can be immature sometimes, I know that I have a reason for loving it all. One of my goals of being on Mock Trial would be to get back on an academically-strict course, and it's somewhat helped me (MTT = the smartest most amazing people in the school. PERIOD.). Yesterday I was talking to my best friend on AIM, and she was like, "You seem to know a lot of programs to apply for." And it sounds harmless out of context, but it represents all the tension that's been building up. The thing is, I don't think she understands, nor anyone, really--I don't think anyone gets that I'm going through these struggles to not fall behind, because I always feel like I'm sinking fast. Doing all these programs is my way of getting my life back together instead of doing things that I know I'll one day regret.

Okay, rantage. Oops. >_<; With all that being said, I still love the webdesign, anime and cosplay communities. I've met people who are able to balance all of that and still be doing great at Wellesley, and I know that Cristy's friend, Gywn, goes to Columbia (aka the Godly School I Want to One Day Attend But Will Never Get Into) and still fangirls with Cristy all the time. Even if I don't know her, Gwyn, plus a number of others I know, are my role models, and yeah. I really don't know where I'm going with this, but whatever.

I know all of that may've seemed random, but it's a base reason why I haven't come on Xanga for so long. Please forgive me!

Hopefully I'll update soon again, prolly after the competition. To be honest, I'm still kind of hesitant about coming back to Xanga. One of the reasons I've loved Xanga so much in the past is because of the community, and knowing how many people on Xanga love and support me all the time. And with all covers and fluff aside, I'm just afraid that I'm coming back with only two people recognizing me. I mean, if that's the case, I'm okay with it, but it just means that Xanga isn't what it used to be to me, which means that it'd be likely that I fall out again. I dunno.

Anyhow, I'll talk to you all later. And actually respond to comments! >]

- - -

Also--again, I never knew them, but everything Cristy told me about Gywn and Peter would warm my heart and make me happy for the rest of the day. It's absolutely devestating that such events could happen that would cut Peter's life short, and I send my warmest regards to his family and friends.

Rest in peace.
Peter Dongmin Kim
July 12, 1982 - February 11, 2008