| Heyy
It's been a long time. I'm here in LI doing nothing right now. I cleaned the house today. I'm lonely when Philip is not here. I've been dancing a lot and my tutting has been getting tight, I'm starting to see the angles and hit the beat better. I'm starting to feel a wave slipping in and out of my body, but I need to hold the wave longer. My sticking is ok. Things don't work out as well when you're holding a glowstick. My wrist action is tight and smooth.
I'm getting back into shape. It's been a while I have to say. It's really nice to be able to eat whatever, but I won't be able to be the best I can be if I don't fix my muscles so the muscle meory is better. I feel the pops now especially in my chest and it is awesome.
School is over, hallelujah fucking lullah. I survived freshmen year, well nearly. I keep fucking up though and puting all of my determined energies into silly little hobbies like shakuhachi and dancing when I should actually be puting my energies toward school. It's the whole super ADD thing I have going on. I can study but it akes me like 30-40 minutes to get into it to the point wher I don't keep fiddling with shit or geting up and doing other things. It is really annoying. But I hate adderall and ritalin becuase they make me feel really anxious and cold inside and I don't evn study when I take them.
Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personalities that come out in different situations. I keep making decisions, weird ones then a litle bit later rethinking them and wondering what the fuck I was thinking. It's the whole thing about instant pleasure decisions and make rash decisions in the moment that is fucking me up. Sometimes I scream in augmented voices in places with good acoustics dark stairwells and dark places. I don't know why but it is extremely extremely pleasurable to me. I go into fits of laughter-I get a lot of pleasure out of it. yes yesss.
I'll be down in Durham soon. I'm worried about my financials for the trip. I just want to stop being fucking under its really annoying. Mo is comming up, but stupid me has no cell phone because I dropped it in a toilet when I was stoned and there was shit in it. Wow.
Speaking of WoW - I think that game is a retarded waste of time. I can see how it owuld be fun becuase it's like a hobby- but you gain absolutely nothing tangible from it no skills nothing. Maybe being able to type faster? But with the maount of time that people put into this shit, the whole thing makes me fucking sick. I have physical reactions to the World of Warcraft. Fuck that shit. Fuck it-uhh. |
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