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| Arthur's Quest
King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the
monarch of a neighboring
kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was
moved by Arthur's
youth
and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as
long as he could answer
a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer
and if, after a year,
he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most
knowledgeable man, and to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But,
since it was better than
death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have
an answer by year's
end
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll
everybody: the princess,
the
prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the
court jester. He spoke
with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory
answer. Many people
advised him to consult the old witch -- only she
would know the answer.
The price would be high; the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for
the exorbitant prices she charged.
Finally, the last day of the year arrived and Arthur
had no alternative
but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the
question, but he had
to accept her price first. The old witch wanted to
marry Sir Gawain, the
most notable of the Knights of the Round Table and
Arthur's closest
friend!
Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and
hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene
noises... etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to
force his friend to
marry her and have to endure such a burden.
Sir Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke
with Arthur. He told
him
that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to
Arthur's life and the
preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch
answered Arthur thus:
"What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her
own life."
Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and
that
Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The
neighboring monarch
granted Arthur total freedom.
What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was
torn between relief
and anguish. Sir Gawain was proper as always, gentle
and courteous. The
old witch put her worst manners on display, and
generally made everyone
very uncomfortable.
The hour approached, Sir Gawain, steeling himself
for a horrific
experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight
waited him! The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him!
The astounded Knight asked what had happened. The
beauty replied that
since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared
as a witch, she would
henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the
time, and the other
half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which
would he want her to
be during the day, and during the night?
What a cruel question! Sir Gawain pondered his
predicament. During the
day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
but at night, in the
privacy of his home, an old witch?
Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch,
but by night a
beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate
moments?
What would you do?
(Please pause a while and do not read on until you
have made up your own
mind.)
The Noble Knight Gawain replied that he would let
her choose for
herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be
beautiful all the
time, because he had respected her enough to let her
be in charge of her
own life.
What is the moral of this story?
THE MORAL IS:
IF A WOMAN DOESN'T GET HER WAY,
THINGS ARE GOING TO GET UGLY.
| | |
| Computer LingoABBOTT: Fry's Electronics. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO:
No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just
did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO:
I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm
sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a
straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOTT: No, just one. But
it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO:
Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also
need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I
get?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO:
Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need
to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO:
M..Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO:
I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment.
I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my
computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was
GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Fry's Electronics. Can I help you? | | |
| ~Do you ever dream in black-and-white? I imagine so...  I don't know...
~Look away from the computer. Now what was the first word that came to mind? Osprey. ~Was
that word written on something that you saw? nope...
~Average shower time? Just got out of one... about 5 - 10
~Last
time you took a bubble bath? Oh man, no clue! 
~Favorite thing to wear when it's cold? Wool socks and hiking boots.
~Last movie you saw? Hollywood movie: Flyboys. Last one I saw was an independently produced and directed... : (and I forgot the name of it) ~Do you enjoy scary movies? Nope...
~Do you consider yourself to be a thrill-seeker? Yup ~Do you enjoy dressing up for a formal occasion? Do jeans count as formal?
~Have you ever spent $50 or more on a shirt or a pair of pants? Don't ever buy from the B.S.A. 
~The most you've ever paid for a pair of shoes? $85 ~If someone saw you at Wal-Mart, in what department would you most likely be seen? Sporting goods or electronics...
~You're
stuck in traffic, and it seems like you're the only person who knows
how to drive. Does music help? It helps of course!
~Are you an emotional person? I dunno...
~Which emotion, if any, do you have the hardest time supressing? I can pretty much supress all of them. 
~Which emotion do you wish you could experience more? ... ... ... ...
~If
you were to die today, what would people remember most about you? The people that don't really know me would remember the quiet little guy that doesn't talk... The people that know me well, well that's another story...
~Do you know for sure that you would go to Heaven? YES ~Why
or why not?
For God SO loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (Heaven). John 3:16
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt
believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou
shalt be saved. Romans 10:9
~You plan a day to just go out and have fun. What would you do on that day? Ok, I have a whole list.... but here's a few... Movie...Bowling...Climbing...Eat (of course)...
~Choose:
Life as a single millionaire business executive, or a blue-collar
worker with a family? The family man...
~If you could have any job in the world, what would you pick? Wow, can't even start answering that one!
~Name something that makes you happy: Wireless internet! Really "talking" with people...
~Other
people who's answers to this survey you'd like to read: I really don't like tagging people... so if you really want to do it, let me know so I can read your answers... Have a good one!
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