I went to Chicago last week.

It was pretty ok.

Dang cold.

We didn't really do much.  Didn't work much I mean.

I was frustrated and angry alot of the time.  I was ok some of the time.

I wanted to get home, but now that I'm here, I kind of can't stand it.

I am going to be emo in the next paragraph.  Skip it if you're going to judge me for it.

I freaking hate my life today.  I want to go to sleep and not wake up.  I am tired of being a waste of time and space.  Life would be much better for everyone if I wasn't in it.  Especially me.  I am in the valley of bones.  Except my bones stay dead.  Why can't I join them?  I'm not going to dead myself.  "That's not right."  I'm just super tired of hating everything, screwing everything up.  I'm tired of being on the brink of cry, but the eyes stay dry.  I'm just tired.  I really am on the brink of disaster.

I seriously need a life. 

My best friend is my computer.

How lame.

Around this time of night (10pm) is when I get ready to go out and do something.  Around this time of night is when most people I would hang out with have gone to bed.  Around this time is when everything closes. 

How lame.

I think I'll go paint.

So I think I found the most annoying background ever, huh?  :o)

It is Saturday.  My day off.  And I'm stuck in a house on a beautiful day.  And I can't take the baby for a walk cause I have to wait at the house for the older one to get dropped off from a birthday party.  Geez.  It'll be dark before I can leave, and I've been here since 8 something this morning.  I'm tired and cranky and the baby is sick and cranky and I kinda just want to go home and take a nap.  But, alas, I cannot. 

But I'm going to try and be thankful anyways.  I have a great job that I love.  There is sun shining today.  Bananas Foster tonight.  Woohoo. 

Time to go get the waking child.  Sheesh he's loud and stinky.  :o)

Um...

I need my friends to remember who I am and call me to do something.

Winter is kicking my butt this week.

Even with it being so warm.

I hate feeling like this.

I want to sleep till March so I don't feel like a total waste of time and space.

I need someone to take care of.

The end.

So I haven't felt 100% in years.

Don't start feeling sorry for me... it's mostly 95ish% or so... taking a little off for pooping or things related to that.  :o)

The past few weeks I'm running on about 49% for an average.

It's either
allergies like woah
catching a cold from my babies
the allergies turning into a sinus infection
a stomach virus from who knows where
the weakness that comes from not eating for some days
or this ridiculous body pain that has no apparent source.

Today was Christmas.  4 minutes from this sentence and Christmas will be gone.

I felt like junk today.  I felt like junk yesterday.  I've felt like junk for too long.  I really hate winter.  It took my Christmas this year.  Jerk. 

I'm sorry if you think I have disappeared.  I kind of have, but not because I don't love you.  When winter comes... it gets cold, duh.  Because of it being cold, I don't go to the greenway.  That's where I spend alot of time outside, getting sunshine and activity on a most daily basis.  Without being outside, I don't get those things.  So I just sit on my butt most days in the house.  Not moving around much.  Can't afford a gym or something inside thing.  No vitamin D, no endorphins.  So that makes me not able to sleep very soundly or for long at a time (waking up lots of times in the night).  I get tired (or lazy... is more like it), but not sleepy.  Then it's 2 and 3 and 4 in the morning before I get to sleep... and my body wakes itself up around 8 when the sun's fully shining, and I can't go back to sleep very well because the sun is shining, or I just can't because I have to go to work.  Love my job, just saying.  So the cycle of no sleep and no moving begins.  Because I'm so sleepless, I don't feel like doing anything, so I don't do anything and therefore don't use up energy to get tired.  Around and around it goes.  There are definitely things I could do to make it better.  I just don't do them.  Medicine could help me sleep, but then all I do is sleep, and that's no good.  I hate taking medicine for temporary things.  I could suck it up and get out in the cold.  But I'm lazy.  And hate being cold.  I could get a pass for Sports*Com and Patterson, but with whose money will I pay for it with?  I'm good at making excuses.  Bad ones, usually, but excuses none-the-less.  So I sit here writing in my lame Xanga to who knows whoever reads this.  Welcome to an LB winter.