New Entry, New Layout

It seems as though everytime I decide to write in this old thing... I have the urge to update it with a new layout.

Do you like this one? (I'm addressing anyone that actually decides to read this thing).
It fits in with my current mood.
I feel like going on vacation.
Well technically I am on vacation... but I want to go somewhere where I can look at little cute boutiques and shops, take my shoes off, walk along the beach while picking up sea shells... or something like that. Have a little icecream - or gelato rather.
But i guess Seoul will have to do for now.

To be honest. I havent been thinking that much these days.
Usually i think i THINK too much and get myself involved (in my mind) in things that I dont need to entangle myself in.
But this summer.. probably the longest summer of my life yet...(post the age of 7), I find myself thoughtless. How sad is that...
Maybe thats why i felt the need to write.. because writing makes me.. think... reflect a little.
Dont wanna become completely braindead over the summer.
I'd rather like myself to be pensive... but unfortunately, recently i've been the type to sit on the couch watching gossip girl or greys anatomy. Gah.
Although i did purchase some books (Middlesex and Slaughterhouse Five) so i can get my brain rolling again.
I'll start Middlesex tonight...hopefully.

On a different note.
I realized I didn't make my annual public declaration.

Happy Belated 22nd Birthday Love :)
As I say every year, I cant believe you're already 22. Its quite disturbing.
But i'm glad that we're together. I'm glad that I get to sing you the birthday song (which is excellent. RIGHT?).
I'm glad that after all the hardships, the arguments, the problems, and so on. that after all these years, you're here and i'm here (here as in a billion miles apart... but here with each other).
I love you even on the days we fight, even on the days you make me mad, even on the days you give me lectures.
I know i probably get annoying calling you everyday, telling you "five more minutes" on the phone, telling you to write on my facebook wall... So thank you for putting up with that.
I'm sorry I cant be there for you on your birthday.... that i didnt send u a present in time, that i didnt call you a midnight as i usually do. I hope that next year will be a bit different.

Just know that you are the person that I look forward to talking to at the end of the night. You are the person whose calls I love to wake up to in the mornings.  You make me realize my faults and my strengths. You make me want to become a better person each and everyday.I dont like to rely on people, but the truth is, I rely so much on you - your support, your humor, your compassion, your love, your friendship. You. It really scares me. but... I thank God everyday for your existence, and how much He has shown Himself to me through you and your words. You are a blessing to me and to many people around you that i know value your existence and friendship as much as I do. 

So here's to you on your 22nd birthday. Your 22nd year of existence.
This message to you is kind of all over the place (im sorry i havent been writing much this summer)
Happy birthday oppa
May all your wishes come true.
I love you :)

har har.
it kind of hit me that.. this year i didnt call oppa at midnight. nor did i post something for his birthday.
it makes me feel bad... but maybe im growing up. HAHAAHHAHA (sorry that statement makes me laugh)
Maybe I realize, this isn't the stuff thats important. Maybe i realize my naivete and the silliness in trying to make oppa declare things for me in public. but he wont know my realizations unless he reads this. (if you're reading this - HELLO! )

For those who dont know.. i'll be heading off to Dartmouth in the fall. Very very very excited would be an understatement.

I'm SO ready for a new setting, new friends (not that I dont love the ones i have now), a chance to study what I'm interested in (FYI I'm thinking of History - middle eastern history? alongside Gender studies). Sick of some of my peers materialism, daily partying, and so on (not trying to sound holier-than-thou just saying how i feel). I'm sure college will be the same... but I just..want to move on with my life? Yes. move on is what I would like to do.

I'll end this post with some random facts.
- I've taken up sewing as my new "hobby": my mom got a sewing machine for our stay in korea (she has one in the states too) so I've been playing with it, practicing on a rag. I'm amazed by the "button hole" function.
- I want to take arabic and/or french in college.
- I regret not becoming close to some of my friends earlier.
- I am disappointed in myself, everytime i dont stand up for you.
- I have to go and get some vaccination (Menactra?) for Dartmouth. ew.

anyways.
signing off.
this post is way too long.

-dohee

Hello 2008
March 15.

I guess it's a bit late for me to say that.

I decided to revive my xanga because:
1. I like to vent
2. Facebook is TOO public
3. because xanga has cute layouts. [i love the current one - dont you?]

Just felt like rambling a bit tonight.
I really like to be alone these days.
It seems like a lot of people annoy me.
I'm getting sick of some of my peers' superficiality and lack of interest in things outside of our little bubble we call our lives.
I mean, yes I understand we are in high school and maybe it is the time to enjoy "high school"-y things, if you know what i mean. But I feel like some people don't have anything else on their mind. *sigh*
Of course i have to admit that I am guilty of some of the things I tend to criticize... but arent we all - to a certain extent?

I guess... this whole thing of going to college soon has got me thinking about things...
The fact that I'll probably lose touch with many of the people i surround myself with now - some unfortunately, some voluntarily
and thus I feel some kind of need or... desire to have a strong sense of self-
and perhaps writing on my blog will help.

Anyways. That's my intro for this revival of xanga.
Spring Break in 6 days. Guam & Philippines [I dont know the spelling...] Here i come :]
Something to look forward to in my monotonous life.

hello 2007

i seem to write blogs on friday nights.
its the only time i can think and relax with NO pressure to do any homework haha.

just a note for myself to look back on in a few months or so.

feeling: lonely.busy.stressed.tired. just. not really feeling much which makes me.. sad. confused. angry. i dont know. a whole slew of emotions.

thinking about: a lot of things actually - remember the friday night thing- my friends; you; us; SAT scores. (it just popped into my head) which leads me to college apps. omgoodness im a psycho. - how things USED to be.

worried about: myself- my health -its not been so good these days; my mom in the states; my dad overworking himself; my brother who im sure has a lot on his mind that he keeps to himself.

happy about: 3 day weekend; yehsongs stress-relieving emails; probably looking foward to a weekend with some good food and lots of family around which id really like teh company of these days.

im just so emotinally and physically tired.
and maybe i bring it upon myself. i get tired of how i push myself. but i cant help it. its just my nature.
drives me insane. haha

im getting more irritated with people these days which i kind of feel bad about but.
a public message to those who DO tick me off:
- dont ask me for homework help if we dont really talk at school
- dont message me the night before tests or actually right before the test starts and ask "teach me"  that just drives me overboard.
- please dont talk about me as if you KNOW me and do not judge me on my grades and "assume" things about me.
- please learn some basic manners. the world doesnt revolve around you - cliche as that statement may be.
how about listening to it for once?

yeah thats just really been getting to me these days.

but for the first time in a while
thanks sooyoung and sangwoo i really had a good time today
just.. relaxing and... chatting for like hours. it was fun.
although the 18+ thing is so.. WRONG (i asked my dad too he said thats illegal AHHA)

i just miss you so much. we're both so busy. it drives me crazy sometimes.
but i dont want to complain about anything since i know you're having a hard time too with school and everything.
sometimes i just miss the small things we did for one another.
maybe we've just grown older and. dont find it necessary to do silly little things.
time changes things i guess.

im just so frustrated and i dont even know why i feel so ..negative..when i start thinking about things.

ok. time to sleep.
good night world :)
see you tomorrow