YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

i switched out of my bio class! NO MORE HAUS! lol. i hated her w/ a passion. The sucky thing??? i'm in CS2 now. which isn't as GOOD as Bio. BUT at least i'll get an A and stop failing like i was in Bio!!!!! today was an OK day. There's no Football Game tonite. And i'm sad. Cuz i wannna go OUT! lol.
i saw Sam (YES REBBIE....SAM!) today...and he gave me a hug and was all "Deeeee! i left you a commmeeeennnnttt!" and i said "LOL. i kno saam!!! i commented back!" (myspace in case u didn't kno) and he's like "You did?? REALLY?!?!?! ok! i gotta go check it then. K?" And i'm like K. works for me!" and then he goers "OOPS! i gotta run Dee! I'll talk to ya later k?" and i was like "K bye saaammm!!!!" lol. he's too cute.  i love him!!!!
Oh yea. and i'm trying out for BellyDancing next tuesday! I"M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! I've been wanting to do Belly Dancing for a while now! lol. and if i make it...then i'll be SUPER HAPPY!!!!! lol. funnnn stuffff!!!! =D
K so over all....today was a good day.
Jus to let u all know!
LOVE YA!

wow. it's been forever since i've updated. i don't even kno what to write anymore. life's crazy. too much drama. i hate drama, but i can't seem to stay away from it. Summer's Over...and it has been for a while...and i'm really quite sad. School's been pretty good. i like most of my classes except my bio class. and mostly just cuz i hate my teacher. well there's loooots of drama going on. And it's retarded drama too. And surpise surprise...it's about a boy!!! of course...drama always is.

K well, Chas. Me. Relationships OVER. See the thing is...i thought i really liked him. i thought maybe this time it would last. But nope. it was over....in less than a freaking week. cuz he's a dumbass and asked me out when he "didn't even like me that much anyways". And it's just retarded. he's going around telling EVERYONE everything that happened with us. But he WON'T talk to me....and i'm the ONLY person he should be talking to anyways. It makes me mad. And now our friendship is ruined because he's being such a butt head that i never want to talk to him again. I plan on telling him off, making him stop talking about me, and then never talking to him again. And you guys KNOW me. I don't just STOP talking to people unless it's gotten REAAAALLLLY bad. And that's how it is with Chas and i.
He used to be a REALLLY sweet guy. i used to love hanging out with him. But i don't know what happened to him. he turned into an asshole over the summer, and he's just such a freakin drama king! he brings people that don't NEED to be in our buisness INTO our buisness! and i'm just SICK of him spreading lies. So i'm going to nip it in the bud.
My friends are doing fine. I'm not feeling that great rite now. my throat hurts and i'm soooo tired. i'm going to bed early tonite. i dunno. this whole chas thing has just put me in a blah mood. and not cuz he broke up with me...but because of the way he's handling it. And i dunno. things are jus grrr rite now.
Homecoming is on the 29th of October. but people are ALREADY starting to talk about it. and i dunno. i kno for sure i'm going this year. i just don't kno wit who yet. lol. so i'm pretty excited. yup yup. well i'll try to update more often...i'm sorry i've gotten lazy with it. it's crazy. lol. Rebbie's right. i used to update almost every day. now it's more like every two months! hahaha. k well i'm gonna go shower and stuff so i can go to bed. so i'll ttyl!!!! love you all tons and tons!!!

,
DeeDee

Got this from rebbie. heck yesss! hahah. fun stuff. =D

[x] I am a female
[ ]I am a male
[x ]The curfew in my neighborhood is 11 pm. (actually its 10. but close enuff. lol.)
[ ]I know someone who cuts themselves.
[ ]I have snuck out before.
[ ]I got caught.
[x ]I like to read.
[ ]I am graduating this year.
[x]I'm super rad.
[ ]My friends are more important to me then my family.
[x ]I think pink is the coolest color.
[ ]My pet is my best friend.
[ ]I die my hair a lot.
[x-sorta.lol.]I can't live without my hair straightener.
[x]I can keep a secret.
[x-best friend. haha. ]I have been voted class something before (Example: Best Hair or Class Clown.)
[x ]I know someone who was a prom queen.
[ ]I was a prom queen.
[x]I've taken dance classes
[eh? it's got red in it???]My hair is red.
[ ]I post a lot of pics up in my xanga.
[x ]I've chewed gum today.
[ ]I'm wearing shorts.
[x]I have a tan line.
[ ]My hair is blonde.
[ ]I was born outside of America.
[ ] I write better in cursive than in print.
[ ]I don't have any friends.
[ ]I'm not going any where outside of state this summer.
[ ]I don't have any siblings.
[x]I know someone who was adopted.
[ ]I prefer rap music over rock.
[ ] My dad is bald.
[ ]I've seriously considered suicide before.
[x yummy! lol.]I think Coldstone's ice cream is the best ice cream. ever!!
[ ]I'm afraid of rollercoasters.
[they have been before... ]My nails are bright green.
[ ]I am constantly wearing black.
[x lol. but it's jus a TINY one.]I have a crush on one of my friends.
[ ]I've stolen a friend's boyfriend before.
[x more than you would believe. haha.]I've been rejected by someone.
[ ]I do drugs.
[x]I prefer hugs instead of drugs.
[x ]I've drinken Fiji water before. (It's the kind in those little square bottles.)
[ ]I've never played pokey before.
[ ]I live in hoodies and jeans.
[ ]My favorite smiley is the kissing one.
[ ]I have less than 100 buddies on my buddy list.
[ ]I don't know half of the people on my buddy list.
[x]I have had a stalker before.
[x]I know all the words to my favorite song. Seriously, every.single.word.
[ ]I'm glad this survey is over.

(x) I have a cell phone.
() I am an only child.
(xxxxxxx) i am a shopaholic.
(xxxxxx) I love dangly earrings.
() I have smoked a cigarette before.
() I do drugs.
() I am an alcoholic.
(xxx) I love cold weather.
(xxxxx) I am obsessed with the computer.
(x) I have shot a gun before.
(x) I can not live without music.
(x) I have no tolerance for ignorant people.
(x) I have ridden on a motorcycle before.
(x i hope! ) I will be in this town forever.
() I have been to 5 other countries.
(xx) I get annoyed easily.
(xxxxxxx) I eventually want kids.
(x ??) I have neat handwriting.
(xxx) I have more than a few horrible memories.
(x) I am addicted to chocolate.
(x) I have a sibling/siblings.
(xxxxxxxxxxx) My parents are strict.
(x) I love airplane rides.
(xxxxx) I love taking pictures.
(xxxxx) I hate people who are fake.
(xxxxx) I can be mean when I want to be.
(xxxxxxxxxxx) My parents care about my grades.
(xxxxx) One of my best friends is a guy.
(xxx) I am easy to talk to.
(XXXXXXXXXX) I hate when people are late.
(xx) I procrastinate.
(xx) I love springtime.
(xx) I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
(xx) I love to sleep.
() I wish I were smarter.
() I am afraid of flying.
(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) I hate drama.
(x -USED TO! I QUIT! GO MEE! haha) I bite my nails.
(x) I have been on a 9 hour car ride or longer.
( ) I never fight with my parents.
(xxxxx) I love the beach.
( ) I have never had the chicken pox.
(xxx all the time! lmao) I have gone out in public in my pajamas.
() I can not control my emotions.
(xxx) I have a best friend.
(xxx) I have moved more than once.
(XXXX) I truly love my friends.
( ) I have [had] braces.
(x! ) I love to write.
( ) I have never broken a bone.
(xxx) I love my computer.
(x) I am a happy person.
(xx) I love to dance.
(xxxx) I love to sing.
(xxxxxxxxxxx) I love to act crazy and be funny.
(sorta?? ) I love cleaning my room.
(x) I tend to get jealous very easily.
(xx) I like night better than day.
(xxxx) I have been on the phone for over 5 hours at a time.
( ) I don't like to study for tests.
( ) I have had pneumonia.
(x) I am too forgiving.
(x) I have horrible sense in direction.
( ) I miss elementary school.
(x) My eye color changes.
(x) I become stressed easily.
(XXXX) I hate liars.
() I like comfy sweatpants.
( ) I can play the piano.
(x) I like to play in the rain.
(x) I love my family.
( ) I hate needles.
(x) I am a perfectionist.
(x) I always wanted to learn to play the guitar or drums.
(x) I hate the feeling of failure.
(x) I have friends in other countries.
(xxxxx) I know how to cook.
(x i'm learning! ) I can speak another language.
(x) At times, I can be very selfish.
(x) At times, I still act like a little kid.
(x) I have allergies.
(xxx) I love little kids.
(x) I love to read.
( ) I wish I was more motivated for school.
(xxxx) I like getting stuff in the mail.
() I have problems with letting go of old feelings/memories.
(xxxxx) I hate being alone.
(xxxxx) I like friends and think I can never have too many.
(xxxxxxxx) I like summer.
(xxx) I like weekends.
(xxxx) I can type with one hand.
(xxx) I live in a house.
( ) I can't swim.
(xx) I go to church.
(xxx) I sing in the shower.
() I have never been camping.
(i used  2 be one! lmao. ) I hate cheerleaders.
(x) I usually get what I want.
(x) I have been on stage before.
(xxxxx) I love roller coasters.
(xxx) I am close with my parents.
(x i wanna go SOO bad!!! ) I have never been skiing or snowboarding

Yup.....so yesterday sucked.

but i'm better now. it's really early, and i'm awake...cuz i can't sleep. Which sucks. And i'm kinda bored...so i'm writing in this stupid thing. LOL. yup yup. fun stuff. SOOOO yesterday i swear i used a WHOLE box of tissue. Hahaha. Lynnie noes...cuz i practically had an anxiety attack while i was on the phone with her!!!!! Jessie knows too, cuz i called her while it was happening...and cried for like an hour. And Alex...well alex knows cuz she called to check on me and make sure i was ok (which was TOTALLY sweet!!!) and heard me crying. And the reason i'm upset about SOOO many ppl hearing me cry?? I HATE crying in front of people. And yet yesterday i couldn't help it. But i'm at the point where i'm not crying anymore...WHICH IS GOOD. Alright...soo sorry for what's about to come next. But i'm going to vent a little bit. Because writing helps me think. And i need to...so here it is:
 i don't think it's actually hit me yet, that we're BROKEN UP. Which is weird...cuz you would think it would. But yesterday, i kept seeing all these things that reminded me of him. SOOOO i put them away in a drawer. Cuz i couldn't stand seeing them. And then this morning, i was cleaning and i found a list of places mark and i made that we wanted to go together...and it made me wanna cry again. BUT i didn't. I dunno...i think right after he broke up with me...he realized what a huge mistake he made. And he seems to think that it will all be fine, and that we'll get back together just like that. But i don't know...i don't know if that'll happen. Because he put me through a LOT of pain yesterday (and has been putting me through it for a while now) and i HATE feeling the way i did yesterday. They say that "No boy is worth crying over, and the only one who is...will never make you cry". Well maybe he's not the right boy...cuz he DID make me cry. And it HURT sooo bad. I mean, i know people break up and get back together all the time. But the thing is, what if i don't want that?? I mean i DON"T want to get hurt again. And how do i know that if we get back together...he won't hurt me again??? When we first started going out, he PROMISED me that he'd never hurt me. But that's exactly what he did yesterday. How can i trust him, if he already broke his promise to me?? And another thing is....i'm not good at giving second chances. I've been hurt too many times in my life. I mean, he HAD his chance...and he lost it. Cuz he broke up with me...it's not like I broke up with him. HE broke up with ME. So why should I give HIM another chance??? I don't know...it's SOOO hard though. Because despite all these feelings. I still really, really, REALLY like him. And he KNOWS i don't like being hurt. I'm SOOO scared of getting hurt, because every guy i've ever met or been with has hurt me. And i HATE it. I don't want to get hurt anymore...and i just don't know what to do...And i have a feeling no matter what happens.Someone is going to be upset with me. Which SUCKS. I'm getting to the point where i'm starting to hate promises, because too many of them have been broken. If guys can't KEEP their damn promises, then they shouldn't freakin MAKE any. Cuz in the end, it just makes EVERYTHING worse. I dunno, everyone keeps telling me that i'll be ok. And that there are other fish in the see. And that i should just take a break from boys (this came from my dad...surprise surprise huh?). But the thing is, i don't WANT to. I WANT that fish...i don't WANT to lose him. And yet...i already have. And i don't know if i WANT him back. I wish things could go back to the way they were back in June, or even May. But they can't. I don't know what the hell he has to think about that's so important that he needs to break up with me. But honestly i don't give a fuck (excuse my language but i'm a little mad. lol.). I mean, i'm not saying i'm never gonna talk to him or ANYTHING like that. I'm just saying maybe he doesn't realize that by doing THIS...he ruined the best thing he probably could have ever had. And i don't KNOW if i want to go back to being with him, because right now i'm NOT happy with him. I mean, maybe we'll be friends and maybe we won't. But i don't know if i want to be his GIRLFRIEND anymore. Because it's TOO hard. And honestly, i deserve better. I NEED better. And if he can't give me what i need, deserve, and WANT...then he's not the guy for me. And that is SOO hard for me to say. But maybe it's true. I guess i have a LOT of thinking to do. Because we're supposedly going to "talk" after i get back from Colorado. Or something...i'm really not sure. But right now, i am going to TOTALLY distance myself from him. I'm going to make him REALIZE what he lost, and make him TOTALLY regret it. Cuz that's what i want to do. And even if i don't wanna get back together with him, at least i know that i stayed true to myself. And i KNOW that i've always got my friends. Whom i love with all my heart.
OK....sooo i'm done now. And i gotta go clean or something before Jessie gets here. SOOO i will definitely talk to you all later!!!! Love you tons and tons!
Always,
DeeDee