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doublehelix1984
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Name: Patrick
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Champaign-Urbana
Birthday: 9/4/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: music, movies, walking, running, tennis, Roseanne, friends, learning
Expertise: being introverted, writing, being gay, being a sociology student, composing music (in my head)
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
8/6/2005
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| Same Patrick, Different BlogHey, all,
So I'm thinking that this may be the REAL end of DoubleHelix1984 here
at Xanga. As much as I've gone through here, I'm actually moving onto
bigger and better things....well, not really. I just have a blog that
I'm a bigger fan of. It doesn't have the same network capabilities as
Xanga does, and maybe at some point I'll come back. But this blog is
going to be shut done very soon, so you may wanna go ahead and visit my
new blog at pjhale2000.blogspot.com. The same me, just in a different
light.
My love to my Xanga peoples. Take care!!
--Patrick J. Hale
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| What Are Friends For?That's a question that boggles my mind at this very moment. I suppose
right now I'm at a conflict with my interest in someone and my
friendship with another someone. Somehow the triangle just doesn't sit
well with me, and I don't like threesomes. (I learn from
experience....trust me).
It's just that I have been on this
campus for nearly four years and already I feel like I have to deal
with drama constantly between people, even those who I am close to. But
after a while you start to realize who your real friends are, and then
you start to realize that the people you thought were cool are just as
capable of stabbing you in the back. I won't go into the details at
this point, and maybe I'm totally reading the situation as wrong, but
I'm so upset right now with someone who I consider a friend. I felt as
though somehow I was connecting with somebody and they got in the way.
I don't know. Maybe I just need to lighten up.
That's why I have never trusted anybody. And tonight just proved why I don't think I ever will. | | |
| In a Strange Mood Tonight....So, earlier tonight, I was having dinner with friends and we were just being social with one another, nothing too controversial. Then of course I start hearing things that happen between people at an LGBT conference I had just attended. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what happened; when you are at a conference with a bunch of other LGBT people around you, things are likely to happen. Interestingly enough, I did not get involved with any sort of action to say the least....maybe met some very attractive people through the networking process, but nothing too mischievous.
In any case, after hearing about people's exploits, I just realized that it is quite interesting how sexually connected the people are within my community. I know that's a weird thing to talk about in a blog, but it's interesting to me though that my desire to get involved with people in my own college queer community has to a mild degree decreased. I mean, sure, I find people very attractive, and yes, I do often fantasize, but now I have been wanting to hold myself back. I guess what made me decide this was the fact that I'm very impatient and negative when it comes to relationships. I always feel the need to complain about being single, and then whenever I do find somebody I want to move too fast or I get too caught up in trying to "get with them." I think that what I have been wanting and waiting for was just the chance to know that I just want to be with somebody....to get to know them, feel sparks, and see where the road takes us.
I don't know.....just thinking that maybe right now there's no need to worry. If I find somebody, then great. If not, it's not the end of the world. My being in a relationship should not have to define me.
Whatever. In any case, I think I'd better just move along and do what I gotta do.
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| Life is Weird....But ExcellentHey all! So recently, I discovered that my 15-yr-old niece is on MySpace. What the hell? I was very surprised to see this. What surprised me the most was the fact that I indirectly came out to her. In case you didn't know, I was successful in coming out to my mother, my two sisters, and my oldest niece during Spring Break of 2005. It was a major relief for me then, especially since I got support from three of the four. My mother, as most of you know, has still been rejecting this "lifestyle choice" or "preference," and so much of me wants to help her see the reality. Yet one sibling remains--my brother--who I have yet to come out to, simply because I had no idea how he or his family would react to it.
But in any case, my niece--my brother's oldest daughter--discovered this new part of me, and openly and sincerely said to me that she didn't care, that she and her family still saw me as the same old dude, and that they loved me no less. Well, maybe that seemed a little optimistic, but the fact that my niece appreciated me for that really made me very happy. It's so nice when the world recognizes and respects others for who and what they are. And it's even better when it's your own family.
In any case, I've been feeling a little "lonely" lately since I've become the recently single, now available bachelor on campus. I've been in this "hell" before, but lately I've been realizing that I'm ready to start taking my life, my friendships, and my relationships more seriously, but not too serious. I am sick of waiting for the future to come, but I can take control of my life as it is now....for the better, of course. So, I'm finally seeing the cup as half-full. I used to hope that it would be completely full, but now as much as I hate to admit it and hate that I used to prey on this illusion constantly, perfection does not exist. I can't fret over that, so I am just gonna wait it out, let things happen naturally, not worry so much. It's less stress and more interesting for me.
In any case, even though I've but so much heart and thought into this Xanga, I've recently started a new blog on Blogger just to see how different it is compared to this blog. And plus, I guess it's symbolic of a new chapter after another chapter closure. But in any case, that's where I'll be spending some time as well. But I won't completely leave my Xanga people. I'll be back for sure, so don't worry.
Until next time, keep minds open, hope alive, and love in constant flow. Live. Learn. Love.
--Patrick
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| "I" StatementsSo, today is a day where I think I finally get to proclaim who I am as an individual. I suppose this would be counted as one additional poem, but I'm making it public so that it can be clear.
I am male.
I am black.
I am African American (yes, people there is a difference).
I am an uncle.
I am a son.
I am a grandson.
I am gay.
I am queer.
I am same-gender loving.
I am a man who likes sex with men.
I am flawed.
I am human.
I am single.
I am theoretical.
I am a thinker.
I am an overthinker.
I am a dreamer.
I am a pacifist.
I am a passivist.
I am a humanist.
I am a pushover.
I am a rock star wannabe.
I am a movie actor wannabe.
I am absent-minded.
I am scared.
I am humble.
I am somewhat elitist.
I am stubborn.
I am a masturbator.
I am predictable.
I am a safe player.
I am a leader.
I am a follower.
I am a fence-sitter.
I am semi-political.
I am attractive.
I am thin.
I am a well-endowed male.
I am a sex freak.
I am sick of being single.
I am sad.
I am happy.
I am confused.
I am lost.
I am drifting.
I am scared of my mother.
I am slighted by my brother.
I am hated by Christians.
I am loved by friends and family.
I am optimistic.
I am unrealistic.
I am unconventional.
I am respectful.
I am respectable.
I am young.
I am special.
I am proud.
I am here in the D.S.A. (not the U.S.A.).
I am a feminist.
I am a theorist.
I am a scientist.
I am a nerd.
I am an educator.
I am tired.
I am lonely.
I am never alone.
I am beautiful.
I am loved.
I am special.
I am rare.
I am PJHale.
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