Interests:the human condition, christianity, agnosticism, nihilism, absurdism, cognitive dysfunction, neuroses, SA, avoidance, disassociation, dysthymia, psychosomaticism, selective mutism, introspection, androgyny, misanthropy, night, ennui, vagabonding, the road, counterculture, americana, india, subversion, beat, soulmates, eyes, 4w5, infp Expertise:'Panic with a dog-face, devil-face, hag-face, whore-face, panic in capital letters with no face at all - it's the same Johnny Panic, awake or asleep' - Sylvia Plath, Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams Industry:environmental non-profit
india, gateway to my destiny? my destiny that sits as a single dormant seed in the throes of every breath i take, sowing abandon, peace, clarity, redemption, higher consciousness, increasingly maddening, in the unbearable vastness of its calling to me over years of my watching the world turn.
tonight the strange man from bengal told me of durga with her many arms and fearsome weapons. everyone else gave him wide berth but i sat riveted. he was me and i was him.
just six meagre days here. in winter i return for a hardly less meagre one month.
people come to india with suitcases, backpacks, lost. and they never leave.
every now and again, the nihilist is made to sit immobilised, as a freight train roars noiselessly through the middle of his head. in that moment he feels the insanity grip his breath, his eyes see into nothing. he feels he might become possessed. he is drawn staggering through his head after the locomotive, nausea rising in his throat, eyes lumbering unfocused. vertigo. sickeningly plowing at speed through his own possessed tunnel. a mind on the brink of something. he feels the terror.
