To you, my Friend(s). 

It's hard to see u leave without saying the good bye.  maybe i felt it was coming..but never thought it'll be that soon.  now i'm all alone.. lost.. like i've lost someone. you said you'll never leave me.. although afterwards you said we'll keep in touch.. but how often will that be? 

you said we were best friends but seems like now we're more like strangers than friends. my heart is not at peace because there are still unclear things that was left.. hanging.  do you treat me as a friend now? or now... just as strangers.  i dont' know what's going on.. we want to know too.  miss the old you.  we miss you.

it was a great reunion.. but seems like it wasn't like before.  we all have changed in some ways.. although we said there isn't.  the friends we hang with.. the things we do.. the future we're striving for.. has changed.  although we said we have nothing to hide.. but really... the truth is.. there is something .. but.. how honest can we really be to each other?  truth does break the friendship.  there were past scars.. there were past pain.. but when we bring it back... it does hurt.. does it?  backstabbing..  hate...  there were times it did occur... but was it really worth the hating?..  maybe for me.. somethings i do because of what certain people has done.  i thought i had forgive.. but after that night.. i realize i didn't. 

Truth. 
does the truth always solve the problem?.. 

the truth will hurt.. and break relationshiip....  it depends what truth is being let out..              i rather this particular truth.. never come out. 

it hurts me inside.. but if it's the only thing that can be done... i pray i'll hold it inside as long as i can.

Yeahh finally it's sunny!! The sunlight always makes me cheer up a little bit more sometimes. hehe it's a great feeling. I dont' know why this week has been a.. i guess emotional week for me. I haven't been talking to my dad for 3 days? I don'tknow what's wrong with him.. I'm a bit frustrated with him for just ignoring me or just giving me the "attitude" when i asked him something. Basically we've been ignoring each other. Learning to be patience.. For me my patience WAS once good but nowadays.. i thought these patience will last.. but i realize that i have little patience than i thought i used to have.

I think the words i can describe my feeling... is.. disappointment.. frustration.. and.. BLAH.


Yesterday I met up with some of the people i used to hang out with back in high school for lunch. It's weird now.. how.. we don't say much.. welll for me.. at least. I dont' know why.. Maybe I'm always that quiet afterall. Then that night i had to work and i can't believe how many magee grads there were that night.. it's like a reunion.. ahha at least i saw Tim who i barely talk to but glad that i saw him and chatted with him. Back to my old buddy buddies.. yeah they were talking about university courses and stuff.. and i dont' know.. as always it sometimes makes me feel.. blaah.. the thing i used to have passion about.. well i still do.. culinary, i dont' really apply it to nowadays.. what am i going to do with the rest of my life??.. i love cooking and i love culinary art.. but it seems like i want to apply it to my workplace or my daily living.. but it seems like it has been omitted. Some people say i'm lucky to have a father who opened the restaurant for me and stuff..but.. all along i don't really like doing what i'm doing.. although i thought i did..

whatever happens i know that i'm still learning and searching.. i guess at the mean time.. i gotta do what i gotta do.. to learn to be more and more patience. and able to love those who sometimes it's really hard to love.