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dryadsage
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Name: Julie
Interests: poetry, photography, surfing, nature hikes, playing guitar, discussing religion & spirituality
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/8/2001
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| I am myself again. ...and, yet, I am changed.I am also a woman of my word. I've been back Stateside for a week after taking a 9wk sabbatical to Central
Europe and the Balkans (Hungary, Romania, Bosnia, Croatia, Czech
Republic, Austria and Italy). It was minimalist, low budget, solo
travel - and I had an absolutely amazing time. It was, perhaps,
the most worthwhile thing I've done in years.
I think you cannot help but find yourself changed
by such a trip - in ways that are nearly impossible to articulate. I found such spiritual peace, such hope, such a
sense of global community - and at the same time I was humbled by my
own privilege and the random chance that has made it what it is.
As I resettle in my daily routine (same job & still taking night
classes), I will work hard to maintain my "happy place" and to hang on
to the lessons that I've learned...
(Sarajevo, BiH - as seen from a Muslim cemetary)
High points:
- attending mass (in Magyar) in a cave church overlooking the Danube
- my experiences in Bosnia, as a whole -- spending a night with three
university students from Banja Luka (on the train from Budapest to
Sarajevo); attending the Sarajevo Film Festival; walking through Sniper
Alley and through the remains of the tunnel from the city to the
airport; seeing the amazing mix of cultures, the resilience of the
people, and the tolerance for difference; I could go on...
- watching the sun set over the Adriatic
- Pompeii & Herculeneum -- and seeing the artifacts removed from Pompeii & placed in the National Museum in Naples
- attending Mass at the high altar of the Vatican
- and, of course, the amazing people that I met along the way
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| Looking Back to Look ForwardWhat happened to that person I used to be five years ago when I first
logged on to Xanga? Where has she gone? I remember her. And I miss her.
Over the last several months, I've been primarily occupied with work
and taking night classes in computer science. While I've been successful in juggling
all of my responsibilities, I'm just not having very much fun.
It's so easy to get caught up in the clap-trap corporate world but,
really, shouldn't life be about more?
I am, presently, working to realign my priorities and I am planning an extended solo trip to central/eastern
Europe this summer.
"Do not travel to
escape life, but travel so that life does not escape you." --Unkown
I read a fabulous personal
journey book while on vacation in Maui over the summer: Longing For
Darkness: Tara and the Black Madonna by China Galland. If it sounds at all intriguing to you, I highly recommend it.
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| Taking stock...or something like that...
This was taken by my ex- at Crater Lake National Park (Oregon) last summer. It just got me thinking about everything that’s happened in my life since June:
leaving the corporate world
selling/purging most of belongings
moving across the country (twice)
starting & dropping out of Ph.D. program
re-entering the corporate world
surviving still more layoffs
ending a 5yr+ relationship
beginning a new stint of technical training
I look at this picture & I see myself looking out into the proverbial “unknown”, blissfully ignorant of all the change that would work its way into my world. I think—or, rather, I hope—Nietzsche got it right: “That which does not kill you…”
* * * * *
I was in a car accident about 3wks ago.I was in one of two left-hand turn lanes (on a 55mph surface street) & the light was changing, so I stopped. The car behind me stopped short, but stopped; however, the work truck w/trailer behind him didn’t. I heard the brakes screech as he tried to stop…& then I found myself getting pushed about ten feet into the intersection. Thankfully, I wasn’t hit by cross-traffic. All things considered, my injuries are minor—just a serious concussion & whiplash. Still, I’ve been in a lot of pain & my general practice doc referred me to the chiropractor. (My neck & entire back are out of whack more so than from any accident I’ve been in previously.)
As a result of the accident, I’m now struggling to catch up in the Linux course I’m taking at a local community college (which was already difficult enough to juggle w/my work schedule).
Speaking of school, I just got my manager to approve tuition reimbursement for the remainder of a Unix “certificate” program and a SQL programming course at a local community college. Assuming there’s room in the courses once registration begins, I’ll be taking a C programming course (on Unix) and a SQL programming course this summer…in addition to my standard work responsibilities. I’m not sure how I’m going to find the time/energy to fit it all in, but I’m going to have to find a way. (Now that I’ve elected to remain in the software industry for the “long haul”, it’s all about making myself as valuable/interesting as possible so that I continue to remain…employed… Truthfully, I quite enjoy what I do – even though it’s not terribly sexy/exciting.I just wish my day-to-day schedule wasn’t as grueling. Then again, I’ve always been my own harshest task master…)
I’m also trying to figure out what to do regarding my living situation. I’ve been monitoring the local real estate market (looking at condos), but prices in San Diego are just ridiculous. I can’t even get a nice(ish) condo for $350K in costal “North County” San Diego. (The condos in my relative price range are either complete crap, in seedy neighborhoods, too far from where I work, just plain too darn small – or some combination thereof.) The more I look, the more depressed I get. I figure I’ll continue to watch the market for another couple of months & then probably just have to resign myself to renting an overpriced apartment…
C’est la vie, non? | | |
| While sitting in traffic on my way home from work tonight, listening to Leonard Cohen, I felt inspired. I rumaged through my purse for a pencil & scrap of paper, & half orally composed/half wrote as I drove along with the setting sun at my back. I am not a great writer, by any means, but I wouldn't trade that beautiful, electric "lightning strike" feeling of inspiration for anything...
Another work in progress...
more blessed, for the benefit of you
this life with its many mysteries, its host of truths
that I dared not, would not, could not share—
yet shared with you
under cover of—not darkness—but cotton
and sinew and silence
more myself, am I
than I had been
for having touched and tasted and lived
On another note, I went back to my orthopedic surgeon yesterday (regarding my cubital tunnel syndrome). He's basically clueless as to how to help me, but he's referring me to another neurologist for another EMG/nerve conduction study. And, really, I'd be fine w/that, but I don't think anything will come of it--other than a sore arm from all the deep tissue/muscle needle pricks. I just want my hand to get better, but I'm at a loss as to what else to try. (I've seen GP docs, an orthopedic surgeon, two physical therapists, an MRI specialist & I'm soon to be on my second neurologist--with very minimal improvement at all.) | | |
| Work in progress...
the whole universe in a single breath.
I try and try and try
to feel it, appreciate it, live it, fill it
up, each moment, a cup, to the brim
and running over; sticky
yet sweet, upon my hands—like life. | | |
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