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| i hAvE a NeW xAnGa... itS www.xanga.com/infatuateme
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| *sIgH* ... i'Ve gOt a LoT oN mAh MInD...
bUt dOn'T wAnNa SaE... i sEeN hArOld eNh kUmAr <~ hOwEvEr u SpElL
dAt.. iT wAS pRetTy fUnNy.. nD i sEeN i rObOt.. dAt wAs a gOoD mOvIe...
cAt wOmAn.. wAs kYnDa gAe.... i dIdn'T wAtCh dA wHoLe tHinG bUt
yEaH...i wAnNa wAtCh wItHoUt a PaDdLe nD dA vIlLaGe.. OncE iTs dOnE
dOwNlOaDiNg BuT i mIgHt nOt wAtCh DaT sHiEt.. iT mIgHt hAuNt mEeH aT
NiGhT.. aHhA... wElpS.. iMmA kEeP dIs sHoRt sInCe mAh othEr oNe wAS
pReTty LoNg.....
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| This is a story about a fourteen year old girl lost in her memories.
She have been fronting about who she really was. She was the type of
person who always wanted to be accepted by her friends and family. She
got so caught up on trying to please everyone that in the process, she
lost herself. She was like walking, talking, emotionless zombie. She's
also the type of person that keeps shiet to herself until she finally
couldn't handle it anymore. Always taking her anger out on the wrong
person. In eighth grade, she fucked up her relationship with her
mother. But she didn't care. She thought it was just a one time thing
(ditching school). But she found herself wanting to leave school every
single minute that she is there. Her and her friends had cutted every
other day but never on fridays coz her mother be home. She kept on
ditching, lying, stealing, drinking, and smoking(to relieve herself
from the stress)even after she got busted. By doing all of that and she
was barely in school, her grades started to slip. Before eighth grade,
she was an honor student and proud of it too and when she received her
report card, she was disappointed in herself because she knew
that she could of done better if she'd had stayed in school. Hell with
that, she didn't care, all she knew was that she was having a blast
with her homegirls. They went thru deep shiet with her too. She missed
out on hella shiet at school but she didn't care. She thought that
forsure she was gonna end up at Richmond High but she thought wrong.
Most of her friends ( cutting buddies) wanted to go there too but most
of them didn't get accepted to CC. SHe felt bad coz while everyone took
that shiet serious, she didn't. SHe bullshieted most of the essay
questions too. While everyone wrote at least a paragraph or two, she
ONLY wrote one or two sentences. And still they picked her out of every
body else, it felt good. She proved them fucking old mien ladies that
she could do it. She thought everything was going her way again. She
got to have a new start and beginning with new people that didnī¹ know
about her past. She had another chance to fix her life. Her
relationship with her mother had never been good and since eighth
grade, that just set things off. That foolish girl thought that things
were going to look up for her. But by going to Middle College High
School, she lost connection with her closest friends especially her
three best friends. Them three girls all went to three different
schools. The girl went CC, one went to RicHmond( her best friend) and
the other to Kennedy. Although she had made new friends there and she
had some old friends that came from helms too but she couldn't be
herself around them. Though she smoked and most of them hadn't made fun
of her. It was really just two out of all of them but that shiet pissed
her the fuck off. didn't they try to fucking see why she smoked, dey
didn't know that shiet she went thru and dey didnt even try to find out
why. Just coz dey was some skerd ass bitches who'd neVer tAkE rIskS..
But Any waise... As thing just kept on getting worse, she thought that
everything was okay. Not knowing that day after day, she was getting
depressed. Instead of living day after day, she was just waiting for it
to end. At home, everything was a mess and at school, she was
miserable. Even though she was passing her classes and shiet, she
didn't have her friends with her. Day after day, it was the same
routine, over and over. When school was coming to an end, everything
starts to fall apart. Every single day, she'd have moodswings, and it
wasn't her time of the month, it was every single day. Every day, she
wouldn't feel happy but she wasn't sad and she wasn't mad but she
wasn't glad. She knew that she was going thru a phase. the time she
needed her friends and family the most, there wasn't no body dere to
wipe the tears from her eyes, pick her up wen she was down... This girl
was truly lonley, not coz she didn't have a boyfriend or anything. All
she wanted was a "friend" or somebody that cared. She thought
that she just needed time away from school to think about things. But
you see, she did have her family and CC friends but she was too blind
to see it then. plus she wanted comfort from her best friend who acted
like everything was aite even though it wasn't. Every day before summer
break was an endless cycle that kept going on and on. It was the same
thing over and over and over... school, homework, and every night,
tears would fall from her eyes. THe only emotion that she could feel
was the pain in her heart. Then summer finally came and she thought a
break was all she needed but she found out that staying home all the
time was depressing. She was always relying on one particular "best
friend" to help her out thru the bad times. Even though she new that
her best friend had forgotten about her long ago. Ever time they plan
to kick it or catch up, her friend was always and forever on her cell..
They were so close but yet so far apart. Most of the hurt, anger, and
sadness was coming from her mom and her best friend. But at that time
she was in denial. Her friend didn't make much of an effort to kick it
like they used to. And every time she called, her friend would be like
i'll call you back even dough she never did. and like a fool, every
time her friend sed she wood, she was end up like a jack ass waiting by
the phone. Pathetic she was yes.. but she learned a lot from her
friend's neglect. She then realized that she had other friends ( coz it
was actually pointed out to her ) that really cared about her and
actually called her or gave her a lito shout out. You see she forgotten
that other people did care. She attends this group called AYA along
with her friend. Even though her mom still doesn't know about the pain,
her fellow Aya sisters and shrink/ friend helped her thru. She felt so
muych better about her situation with her mom now that some people new
about it. She found ways around her mom's moodswings. Ever since that
day, she have gotten a new perspective on things. SHe even spoke to her
friend about how she felt bout their friendship. So things needed to be
said a long time ago but she felt a lito better. Even though she didn't
get out all she wanted to say. SHe was slowly recovering from her
depression. That girl had a special bond with her friend. After all,
they are best friends and has been since second grade. Even though this
girl knew that her best friend changed and that she had to let go of
her friend, she couldn't. No matter how hard she tries. They been thru
so much together as friends and that foolish girl held on to something
that just wasn't there anymore. As she started to reminisce about the
past, she starts laughing every single time. She would ask herself why?
aren't i suppose to be mad at her?? She then realized that just because
one bad thing happened, she couldn't/ shouldn't let it take over all
the good times they have had together. From that, she starts to be a
little more happy. Then she also had a trip to Arizona with Aya too. SO
she was excited and everything. Even though it was only for four days
and it was going to be some educational thing, it was a chance to get
away from her home town. WHen she got back from her trip, she came back
happy and more positive. SHe learned so much over there in just a
couple of days too. Since they ( her and her Aya girls) were camping in
the forest, in a tent and everything. They gone done brought a city
girl to the wilderness. They had dem damn port o potties and a fake ass
shower thingy. No electricity or running water for four days. She felt
filty and she've been scarred for life. She ate nasty ass food but she
couldn't complain. It was like diet for her. (LOLx) But she survive
though. From all of that, she learned to be more appreciative of simple
things her mother do for her that she'd took for granted. Thru all of
that,she still had a blast with her friends in Arizona, it would be
something she would never forget. She came back and got in touch with
her "best friend." THey kicked it with each other and they other
friend. SHe told her everything about Arizona. THat very night she
finally got to spill about her feelings towards her friend. Every thing
was starting to look up. The next day was peer support with aya and it
was fun for her. Everyone notice a major improvement, she was happy,
smiling, talking ( for once) and everything. She is the type of person
that is shy and wouldn't talk to anyone else coz she never felt the
pressure to. Her relationship with her mom is improving since she
learned that she can't fight fire with fire. This lonely girl wasn't so
lonely anymore. She learned to accept the way things are and to change
the things she could. SHe is no longer depressed. Now when she sits in
her lonely room by herself, she enjoys it even though her "homegirl,
aka best friend still makes her feel a little left out, she doesn't let
the bad affect the good anymore. Also one valuable lesson she learned
is the fact that sometimes she had to stand alone. Though this girl is
young, she is pretty matured for her age.. how do i know all of this??
wElls coz i was that girl. After my arizona trip, things got boring
again but every thing that i've done so far, i don't regret coz it
makes me who i am today and i hope i'd never forget about this moment
in my life coz it made me much stronger than i was before. If you are
reading this(whoever you are), thanks for reading since this story is
pretty long and if theres any misspelled words up ^there^.. oh well..
im too lazy to revise it and yeah.. iM ouT...
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| [mOoD sOnG- pErFeCt* bY sImPlE pLaN]
tOdAe...mAyN.. i HaVen'T bEeN uP oN dYs shIeT fOe a wHilE nOw..nD oUr sToOPiD aSs iNtErNEt wASn'T wOrKiNg StYll dA lAsT tYmE i bLoGgEd... sO yEaH.. iOnO bUt i'vE bEeN vErRy hApPy lAtElY...iOnO whYe.. BUt i thInK iT wAs kOz dA tRyP tOoH aRiZoNA... buT mAyN.. dOinG nOthyn At HomE iSh tIrIng.. eVer sIncE i gOt bAcC.. i'vE bEeN gEttIng OUt dA hOuSE.. sO i sTaYeD hOmE tOdAe nD yEsTuRdAE... sO yEaH... iOnO bUt i HAvE dYs vEry goOd eNeRgY.. rIoTe nOw.. i hOpE iT dOeSn'T gO aWAy.. i wAs sUpPoSE tOoH gO tO dA mOvIeS.. wIth KaLeN, KinKy, KaThY, nD rIcHaRd... bUt fAwK mAyN.. i dYdN't feEl uP tOoH it.. wElpS.. yEsTuRdAe.. i sTaYd hOmE... nD i wAtCheD cOnFeSsIons oF a TeEnaGe dRaMAqueEn.. dAt sHieT wAS bOrING!!! nD i tAwKeD tOoH NaI... mAH oLD cUtTinG bUdDy.. aHhA.. mAyN mIdDo sKoO wUs fUn wiTh hEr.. wElL 8tH gRaDe wAs... dRiNKiNg, sMokinG, cUtTinG, rUnNinG, HIDinG, n jUsS hAvIng fUn.. mAyN.. i mIsS dEm dAeS...wItH mAh cHicCs.. ( NaI oF cOuRsE... TInA... MiMi, ChAi.. AbBy, KrIsTy, KrEeShA, ThEa, KinKy, KoY,nD aWl yA bAd aSsES.. aHhA) bUt mAH cUttin dAeS aRE oVeR... mAyn.. tAlKinG tOoH hEr gOt mE rEmInIsINg.. dAyM... wELpS... wEdNeSdAe...i wEnT tOoH pEeR suPPOrT.. nD i foUnD OuT wAhT dAt nIgGa's nAyMe wAs.. iSh JoSh.. mAyn hE bLaCc bUt hE gOt a wHyTe mAyN'S nAmE.. aHhA.. dAt dOoDe wAs FIONE.. wHoO.. aHhA... nD dEn aFtA dAt.. mEeH kInKy nD kAtHY wAS supPosE toOh gO eAt nOoDlEs wiTh jOhN, tAfFy, nD sHeIlA.. BUt tHAnGs gOt fUkKeD uP.. nD wE wEnT n kIcCeD iT aT kInKy'S pLaCe.. nD dAt wAS iT.. i bE kNOcKin OuT hElLa eArLy nOwAdAeS.. iOnO whYe bUt oH wElLs.. wElpS.. iM oUt.. | | |
| hEy PpLs.. mAyn.. i gOt bAcC fRm ARiZoNa yEsTuRdAe.. mAyn tHaNgs wErE fUn/ gAE aT tYmEs.. sO iMmA rEcAp bOuT mAH tRyP... lEts SeE.. thuRsdaE..i wAs PrePaRiNg tOoh lEaVe.. i wOkEd uP hElLa fUkKen eArly iN Da mOrNinG.. yA nOe..dA uSuAl gUrl stUfF lIke tAkIng a sHoWeR nD eRrYtHAnG.. hEy i goTtA lOoK cUtE fOr dEm wHyTe gUyS oUt dErE..aHhA jUsS fuKkEn... but yEah dAt mOrninG i HaD dA wOrSe hAiR dAeS... sO i tOoK a showEr.. nD i wAS pRetTy muCh rEaLly.. nD dEn i hAd tOoH fOoT mAh aSs acRoSs dA sTreEt toOh gEt mAh dAm sWeATeR fRM kInKy... nD i wAiteD fOr SaNdEe tOoh cOmE pIcC mEeH uP.. nD wE dEn wEnT tOoH Da BuRriTo tRuCk.. it was mEeH, sAnDeE, nD zEnA.. sO aFtA dAt.. wE wEnt tOoH dA oFfIcE.. nD wE ( mE, sAndY, ZeNa, NitA, nD PeEsY) lEfT tOoH dA aIrPoRt... oNcE wE gOt oNtO dA pLanE.. mAyn i Was hEllA nErVouS.. aCtuAllY kInDa sKuRrEd cOz oF dA 911.. bUt yEaH i wAsn'T tRyen tOoH JyNx mAhSeLf.. nD aWl dEm oThEr pPl.. dA fLigHT wAs aIiGht.. i dYdn'T havE tOoh rUn tOoH dA bAtHroOm eRry 5 mINs.. tHnK bUdDhA fO dAt.. bUt dERe wAs dYs oNe wHyTe bItCH.. eN dA bAcC oF mEeH.. hElLa fLiRtIng wIt dyS oNe oLd AsS uGlEe gUy. shE kEpT bRagGin bOuT heRsElf. nD dAt kYnDa bUlL cRaP.. dA sHiEt dAt gOT oN mAH nErVes wAS dA fAcT dAT whIlE wE waS oN dA plaNe iT wAs lOuD.. nD i wAS bLaStIng mAH mUsIk oN fUlL.. nD i cOoD stYLl hEaR hEr wHiTe bITcH aSs.. buT DeN En dE eNd.. i dyDn'T hAvE tOOh sEe hEr agAin.. nD wEn wE lAnDeD... wE waS gOiNg tOoh dA bAgGaGe cLaim..wEn wE dEn sEeN Cy nD MaRiaM.. dEy cAmE tOoh pIcC uS uP.. iT wAS hElLa cUtE.. deY haD a sIgN nD eRrYdAnG... nD mAh mOMmA iSh bUgGin mEeH rIoTe nOw.. mAyN.. shE iSh iN mAh fAcE... dAm U..aHhA j/f.. nD i tHoUgHt we wAs fInNah lEaVe aFtEr wE gOT oUR BAgS.. bUt NOOO! wE hAd tOoh wAIT fOe PAUL DANA .. dAm U.. wE wAIteD fOe fUkKen aLmOsT 3 hOuRs.. oR sOmeThiNg.. nD hE nEvEr DyD sHowEd uP.. wE sAt.. nD sAt.. nD sAt.. nD wAIT.. dAt fUkKeR... i wAs fUkKen pIsSeD oFf.. bUt dEn wE lEfT.. nD iT wAs a fUkKen 2 hOUrS. nD sOMe miNs.. tOoH FlaGstaFf... it wAS kOo.. oN dA dRivE dErE.. i kNoCkEd oUt a cOupLe tImeS.. nD i sEeN lIghTing... nD a SHoOtinG sTAr.. mAyn... RhONdA's cAr dOoR wAs GaE.. i dYdn'T nOe dAt shIeT. waS auTomAtIc.. i wAS oVer dErE dRaGgIn iT nD shIeT.. nD yEah.. wE sToPpEd aT A gAs sTatiOn.. dAt cAsHier.. riPpEd NitA oFf bY 19 doLlaRs!! iF dAt wAS mE.. i woOD oF bEe hElLa mAd.. nD pLus shE wAS oN dA fRiggEn fOnE tOo.. nD bY dA tYmE wE gOt tOoH dA cAmP gRouNd... iT wAs 9 sOMetHInG. nD iT wAS pItCh bLaCk.. En wE haD tOoh sEt uP oUr tEnt in dA dArk.. dA fUnNieSt dAnG wAS dA fAcT dAt.. tWo oR tHrEE lItO kIds hAd ToOh hElp uS.. cOz wE cOoDn'T dO it OUrSeLveS... nD oNcE eRrYtHanG wAS dOnE.. wE wAS fUkKen sTaRvIng.. sO wE hEaDeD fOe dA KitCheN.. wHiCh iS OuTdOoRs oF cOurSe.. wIth a WhiTe tEnT uP.. nD wE mEt dyS dUDe nAmE DaN...nD hE hOoK uS uP wIT sOmE fOoD.. iT wAsn'T dAt bAd... wE aLsO mEt aNotHer dUdE nAmE dAn.. wHiCh wE mAdE fUn oF.. aHHA.. sOrRIe..nD MaRvIn.. AnDy.. nD dAm i fOrgOt hYs nAyMe bUt iT sTaRted WitH aN E doUgH.. oH wElLs..bUt wE lAtEr fOunD oUt dAt dErE miGht bE nO fRiGgEn ShoWeRs!!! nD dA bAtHroOm wAS 4 fUkKen pORt-O-pOtTieS!! mAyN.. i sHoOd hAd AtE dA dAm HoT lAyS.. aHHA... wE tOoK a pIsS iN dErE b4 wE wEnT tOoH sLeEp... fRiDAe... i fOuNd OuT dAt MoRniNg... daT i sLePt iN a fUkKen DITCH whIlE dA OtHerS... hAd a HuMp... AhHa.. dAt sHiEt wASn'T pLeASanT.. nD wE tOoK a sHowEr.. iT wAS hELlA FaKE.. iT wAS sOmE tArT.. tHinGy hElD uP on 3 cOrNeRs.. mAyn wE wAS lIkE wE gOtTa shOwEr iN fRonT oF eRrYOnE.. wE tOoK hElLa LOnG cOz wE wAsN't UsEd tOoH iT.. nD wE hAd tOoH gEt oUr OwN wAtEr... nD cArRy iT bAcC uP dA fUkKen hIlL.. sO wHilE wE wAS sHOwErinG...dEy wAs havIng bReAkfAsT... nD wEn wE wAS finIshEd... wOoPs.. wE tOoK tOo lOnG... Nd wE dYdn'T gEt n E tHanG tOoH eAt.. DaN.. nOt dA cOoK.. wAS bEinG a LitO bItCH.. wHo kIlLeD oUr hUNgeR...sO wE wENt tOOh a wOrKsHoP.. daT wAS uHMm.. sOMeThiNG.. bUt wE hAd tOoH dO dA pOsEs nD bReAthE.. nD sOrTa eXeRcIze... iT wAS pReTty fUn nD dat tooK aLl dA bAd EnErGy oUttA mEeH.. oH yEah.. wE wAS bAbySaT bY LeE.. fRm YuKa... nD dEN i lEaRneD hOw tOoH sEw a bAsKet.. iTs pREtTy sMaLl. bUt hEY.. mAH bLOoD sTAiN dAT shIeT.. aHhA. iT wAS fUN nD rElaXinG.. nD iT sTaRteD tOoh rAIn wHiCh wAS a bItCh...nD wAT wAS eVeN wOrSe wAs dA fAcT dAT i gOtT mAH tYmE oF dA mOnTh tOo!! .....nD yEaH.... wE FiNaLLy gOt tOoH eAt dOuGh.. i fOrGoT wAt... wE mEt.. dYs jApAneSe gUrl nAme SaIe..nD sHE wAS kOo..nD shE wAS wIth dyS lItO kYOoTe aSs bOy.. KinDeLl.. hE wAS hElLa AdOrAblE.. eRrYoNe nEw hYm nD lOvEd hYm.. AhHa.. nD dAt NiTe.. SaNdeE.. wEnT nD pArtEed her aSs oFf. tIl 1 in dA mOrNing.. nD mE, ZeNa, nIta, nD pEeSy..wAS lIkE nAw. nD kNoCkeD ouT rOunD 11... ... sATuRdAE... bAd aSs MoOd sWinGs i hAd.. nD i hAd tOoH pEe hElLa fRiGgEN bAd...inN dA mOrNing.. bUt i dYdn'T wAnT tOoH uSe dA dAm pOrTopOtTieS.. i evEntUAlLy dYd.. nD i dEcIdE nOt tO tAkE a ShoWer cOz.. i miTe wEt mAh pAd.. nD dAt sHiEt woOD gO uP mEeh aWl dA wRonG pLaCeS.. aHhA.. i nOe.. EwWWWW... bUt yEah.. mE nD PeEsY.. wEnT wITh nItA.. nD zEnA.. tO dA sHoWeRS.. wE jUsS sOrTa hElPeD oUt iF dEy nEeD iT.. bUt i wAS sCaRd fOr liFe.. dEsE fRiGgEn wHite gUrLs.. wE iN nD nUdE.. pUtTing oN dEir cLotHes.. bUt dEy hAd nO tOweL aRounD dEm oR n E tHAnG.. dEy wErE eXpOsEd.. wE wAS lIke FuKK nAw.. nD wE tUrnEd ArOunD.. nD wAiTeD tIL dEy wEre dOnE.. tOdAe wE wAS aCtuaLly oN tImE fOR bReaKfAst..nD i wAS fEeLinG hElLa dIrTy nD cRaPpy.. bUt wE hAvE anOtHER fUcKeN woRkShOps goIng On wHIcH i wASn'T fEeLin.. so wHIle da "LaDy DuKe" wAS sPeAkINg.. wE lEfT in dA mIdDo oF hEr SpeEcH.. nOt tOoH bE rUdE.. bUt wE wAS aLl tIrEd.. nD wE cHiLlEd in Our TenTs.. hElLa fUkKeN hOtT nD sTuFfY.. bUt wE sTaYeD uP iN dErE... nD wE gOt uSeD tOoH dA HeaT dOuGh.. nD wE wAS jUsS cHiT cHaTtINg.. nOrMaL gUrL sHiEt.. nD i lEarNeD hOw tOoH dO dA fOrTunE tHInGy wIt dA cArDs... nD lAtEr..dAT dAe...wE wEnt tOoH dA oTheR wOrKsHoPs eVeNTuAlLy.. nD wE sEeN dYs dOodE AnDy... hE's gAe aSs gEt fReE gAs fOr hIs cAr.. aHhA.. hE uSEs uSeD vEgEtAbLe oiL.. sO yeAh.. dEn i sEeN dYs OnE cUtE aSs doOde.. i fORGot HyS nAyMe.. bUt i noe hE's fRm dEtRioT oR hOwEvEr u sPeLl iT...nD dAT nIghT.. Our lAsT nYgHt dErE.. wE sTayeD uP tIl 11 nD kNocKeD oUt sOmEtImE rOuNd 12 pRoLly.. sUnDaE.. lAsT dAe... wE hAd toOh pAcK nD sHiEt... bUt dAt dAe wAs gAe..wOKeD uP.. wAntEd tOoh tAKe a sHowEr hElLa bAd bUt cOoDn'T.. cOz yEah.. nD dEn wE hAd a LiDo bReAkfAst.. sOmE fRenCh tOaSt.. nD sOme EgGs.. iT wAS aIghT.. dEn wE wAiTeD fOR oUr rIdE tO dA aIrpOrt.. nD fOr wAT reAson wHO nOeS.. iT fUkKen sTaRteD tOOh rAIn.. iT wAS oN nD oFf.. dA whOlE tImE i wAS jUsS tHinKing bOut dA dAeS dErE.. hOw iT fElT hEllA sHorT.. nD i kYnDa dYdn't wAnT tOoH lEavE liKe bEfORe.. wE eVen hAd a sUgGesTioN tO gO hOmE.. bUt wE dYdn'T.. iT aCtuAlLy tAugHt mE sOmEthInG.. nD i stArteD tooh aPpreCiAte aLl dA tHinGs i haD aT hOmE dAt i dYdn't hAvE dEre... nO shOweRs.. bAtHrOoMS..gOOd hOmE cOokEd fOod.. eLeCtRicIty.. a roOf oVeR mAh hEaD... nD dA tRyP aCtUAlLy hElPeD mE tOoH rElAx... iT wAS gOoD.. nD wE lEfT fOr dA aIrpORt.. nD i hAvE lOTs mOre toOH sAy.. bUt i GoTta gO now... | | |
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