man. and to think that I would blog on this thing again. yes I know i'm lame I mean come on...XANGA? what the hell? haha whatever. it's not like anybody would really read my blog. so basically I can almost type anything in here without people finding out and yeh... so last time I blogged I said I was 15. yes? well yeh I still am. getting older as the days go by. not getting better..but not getting as worse as before..anyway I guess some of my friends were right. I'm highly in denial. but I dont know..I couldnt help it. ..geesh I have a bit of a mental problem. It's not going away. I mean no seriously, I have one. My parents are a bit concerned at times...but a teenager as I am. it's not wise to tell parents what goes on during life as a teen...I mean, for a fact I know I'm not the type of person who would do crazy stuff. I mean really I'd NEVER do something out of hand.. then when I think back some months ago... what the heck did I get myself into? What does it take gain a person's trust? How do you know if the actions that you take part in arent really against him? Him meaning the one who has kept me safe throughout the years...the one who has always guided his children.. though many have committed several transgressions before him. I regret for being so credulous...especially whenever it came to certain people. I mean no matter how much I blame certain people who lured me into doing the unimaginable...well it may not be the unimaginable for some people. but for my part. it is...still I remember that I could have done something about it..I could have stopped it..but no. I was stupid..and I pretended that it didnt matter because it wasnt too bad... How can I let this stuff happen to me?..it may have stopped..but not completely..being tempted. i'm no longer able to cease. what the hell kind of a habit am I trying to have here!?! It's my phobia..i suppose..I'm afraid that memories such as the ones that I have right now would haunt me endlessly... I dont know what to do now..I cant talk to anyone about this. I apologize to all my friends who feels as if I dont really talk to them no more. but it's not because of them that I cant be with them as much. It's because of me..I dont deserve such friendship with people..I dont deserve many things. I'm a disgrace..Useless..Worthless... | 
