| | Last night I was in so much pain that I could not sleep. I kept trying to give it over to God but it stayed with me. I thought about how many incredible blessings have been poured out on my family these past many months, and how much the enemy would like to keep us angry, depressed, hopeless, confused, unproductive, bitter, resentful...The Harmon family has been actively breaking the curse and that ticks evil off! Despite that knowledge, it was really hard to let go.
I was angry, and after searching my heart about it, I know I had a right to be angry.
One of our pastors told us that the act of baptism in water sends a bit of a shockwave through the spirit world. I thought of that this past weekend while I was watching my big sister be immersed in water that was mingled with water from the River Jordan, itself. It was a very important day for her--a rebirth! I believe that acts of anger send shocks through the spirit world, as well. I believe they are like small signals, calling out to evil "here I am, come on in, I am vulnerable."
Anger, in and of itself, is healthy. But how we deal with it and the choices we make in the wake of how we deal with it can lead to progressively worse evil.
Eventually I think we will all find that evil--our basest animal instincts, etc.--will let us down. God gave us free will so that we would come to Him willingly. So that we would make the choice to do the next right thing. People who think the next right thing is being hurtful are really sad. I hope that the Holy Spirit grants them peace, fills their hearts with love, saves them. We live in this world, filled with temptation, for a reason. This is, I believe, a proving ground.
People talk about dying and going to heaven, as if that is simply and end to strife. There is a war going on in heaven. A war. And in my opinion, that war is also raging on Earth. Spiritual warfare is possibly what this world is all about.
We know God wants us to choose to do the next right thing. When we paint ourselves spiritually into a box--no matter what the reason--we give ourselves fewer and fewer options. There is little we can do, we think. This is it. The natural conclusion. The end.
But love is the answer to all of those situations. Love is magical. Love opens doors we didn't even see were there. Love endures pain or trouble from one another without complaining. Love is gentle and sympathetic. Love has no discontent or desire over the possessions of another. Love does not brag, is not arrogant, is not discourteous or rough, love is not "me-centered," love does not choose to linger in bad feelings resulting from injury or mistreatment. Love does not even keep mental lists of mistreatment! (That is a tough one for me because I am so GOOD at remembering things done wrong to me!) Love does not take pleasure in anything that hurts a friend or causes pain or harm to a loved one. Love is content to receive sincerity and honesty, even when it's not what we want to hear. Love shields one another from attack. Love has confidence in one another and doesn't second-guess. Love expects good. Love continues to believe, respect, and trust (another hard one for me because when I am hurt I withdraw trust). Love never gives up.
I have a hand-out on my wall that as a drawing of a jug, turned upside down. On the left-hand side is the message "Fruit of the Spirit," and pouring forth from it are the words:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
Then on the other half of the sheet it has a garbage can pouring forth "Hurts Inside:"
Anger
Resentment
Bitterness
Envy
Jealousy
Hate
Rage
Murder
Depression
Shame
Guilt
Low self-esteem
Fear
Rejection
Suicide
The hurts inside lead to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual torment.
Last night I was suffering from some torment, and it was awful!
This morning I have asked God to forgive me for how I reacted toward the person that hurt me.
I forgive the person who hurt me.
I forgive myself.
I release the person who hurt me, the hurts themselves, and myself into God's hands.
I choose to love and pray for the person who hurt me.
I receive God's forgiveness.
I thank and praise Holy God!
God has never let me down. God has never drifted away and changed His mind about me. God has never assumed false things about me. God has never kicked me while I was down. God has always, always been there for me, even when I was hell-bent on doing things "my" way. God waited patiently for me to turn back to Him! God didn't forsake me. Love has absolutely melted my heart and changed my life, changed the way I think and feel and experience life. I really feel like God has saved me. Like God has rescued me.
I think it is only fair to assume that all my life I will remain human, and therefore susceptible to human failures and mistakes. Some people will choose to not be okay with that. They will expect me to be perfect and will hold me up to scrutiny and reject and dislike (and maybe even hate) me for being flawed and imperfect and human. God made me this way, though. Made me imperfect, broken, whole only in the presence of his healing spirit. God wants me to make the next right decision, do the next right thing to serve Him, time after time after time.
That pisses evil off, but I have come to believe that over time, God will only increase his protection around me. It is just up to me to accept it.
PSALM 91:1-16
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in
Him I will trust. Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the
fowler and from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you
with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth
shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror
by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence
that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at
noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at
your right hand; but it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes
shall you look, and see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, your habitation, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.
They
shall bear you up in their hands, lest you dash your foot against a
stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and
the serpent you shall trample underfoot. Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation."
Other bible passages mentioned in this entry are Psalms 13:23-24, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, and Galatians 5:22-23
I recommend you look into them, if you are curious what I wrote that refers to what. 
OH! And the war in heaven is described in Revelation, but that is a really, really tough read. We are taking a class right now on Revelation and it is some scary stuff.
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| | Posted 3/1/2007 1:58 PM - 33 views - 7 comments
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