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| NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE THE WAY IT IS NOW. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...............................................................
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| Another down entry *don't read if you don't want to feel down*When you have enough of it, you have ENOUGH............I have ENOUGH.
But what is up with them*, why can't they leave me alone or give me the best of things.
I can't do this anymore, I can't hold my life together.
What am I to do?
If they push me harder, I will suffocate...........actually why not, suffocate me to death.
Things are not just happening now, but for a very, very, very long time ago.
I never felt happy with anything and everything.
Sometimes I hide myself with a mask, and I hate it.
I hope they can hear me again.
Every time I pass them by, I don't even look at them.
So far at this moment in my life, it is the worse.......and it continues to go down.
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| Experiencing the bad is said to make you stronger each time, but not experiencing them make me even more happier.
Stronger...............Happier...........rather to be happier............
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| Bad News.............For Me
But actually I think I am fine, it was like a relief that I finally know about the decision.....
However, I do feel a little emotional whenever I talk about it................
Now I can concentrate on something else...............
The whole process of this cost me (and parents) a lot: ~ $400
The time spent: endless.....my four precious years.......and more..........
The emotions: neverending...................
Now I turn to another direction in my life.......... I hope it will be worth it.............
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Edit:
Actually the feel of this problem is kicking in..............hard..............
The fucken people screw me up again...............or is it just me screwing up myself.........
The more I think about it now, I don't have a path to go to............
I am so lost and so alone......................
It's getting so close that I am afraid something might just happen....................
Some people say your life is in your hands, but if it is, then how come you can't get what you want or avoid what others are doing to you.......................
No, it's your life in God's hand, and certainly, God is not looking out for me...................
If something was meant to be, or a lesson that was meant to be learned, then I rather not deal with them, and let my life die and deteriorate............................................
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| I'm scared.
I have a huge headache.
I am and feel weak.
I have no strength.
I feel really different.
My heart is hurting, like its been punched at.
I hate what I need to face from now on.
I hate tomorrow.
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