Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie Your Heart is an Empty Room see related

i want to dance. and go camping. and to do both with a nice polite boy. why do those not seem to exist to me?I guess i should try to be positive about it and say that it will when it's supposed to....but....What gives me the right to say that?

I'm regretting a lot of things in my life lately. It's cold and beautiful. I should be alive....Why am i not?

I'm empty. Come into my life and give me a reason to smile. Give me a reason to laugh again. Hold me and tell me that you'll never let me go, even though we'll both know that it's only a lie and that soon the seasons will change again and you'll be holding your next love saying the same thing.

SAVE ME...i can't go on much longer without you...

okay, so apparently blake (my most recent roommate that moved 2 weeks ago) is reading my xanga now. so i thought i'd let everyone know what blake decided to finally share with me today...

today, blake admitted to have been using me for the past year.A YEAR. and what for? well, sex of course. because he wasn't getting it from his girlfriend.

today, blake also admitted that everything he told me this last year about being in love with me and how he had never been happier, blah, blah, blah...oh, and the asking for me to marry him (even just 3 days ago) was all a lie to get sex.

today, blake admitted that he's in love with his ex-girlfriend whom he left to be with me...apparently that love never died even after she fucked him and myself over pretty bad...

and today, i finally realised how even the best year of my life was a lie...why do i even bother trying to be happy?

blake was everything. i loved him. always did. sure we'd have fights (probably more than our share at times) but i never stopped loving him. even after he screwed me over and went back to his friends...never quit.i was ready to marry him. to have his children that he wanted so bad. i did everything i could for him. but it was never enough. could never be enough because i could never be her. i'm so dead because of this that i can't even feel it set in. i'm sure i'm going to have a major breakdown if i can ever wrap my mind around what i was told today.let's just hope i never understand i guess.

but since he wanted to start reading my xanga. i thought i should have a post just for him. all the other posts about how great my life is and how happy i am...all about him. just no one knew his name. now you do. and now you know what i found out today.

hope you all enjoyed.

so, i moved again in january to a new apt. after my old roommate went insane. and then yesterday my roommate moved out. so i'm alone again. the worst thing is...he left me to go back to his old friends...aka, the insane ex roommate.so life sucks some major ass right now.oh, i'm unemployed. and completely broke. my parents won't get off my ass even though i haven't lived with them for 6 months now.i have no friends in tulsa, the only friend i do have lives an hour away and i rarely even get to speak to her. well, i have christyna in okc, but i never see or talk to her either. so that pretty much blows. i spend a lot of time staring at the wall...

i did get accepted to le cordon bleu. (it's like, the best culinary school there is in case you don't know). and i didn't even apply for it. in fact i'm one of the first to pull that off apparently. but i don't have the money to go to it and i'm not eligible for financial aid...so goodbye dreams of culinary excellence.

anyway, if anyone...and i mean anyone has anything to suggest.or if maybe you just want to leave me a comment to say how my post finally made you realise how great your life really is.go ahead...i'll look forward to it.

oh, and i'm going to have to put my cat to sleep.the one i've had for 15 years. thought i'd throw that one in there too. so enjoy!!