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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Pinkerton
    By Weezer
    Tired of Sex
    see related

    Wake Up Call

    Last night I was out decently late for a Monday destroying my lungs with smoke from hookah. So it comes as no surprise that this morning when I was awakened at 8am to drive my roomie to her job because her alarms didn't go off, I was a little bit tired.

    I drove her, blurry eyed and nearly hitting every parked car on the side of the road. When I got home from a very thankful goodbye, my third roommate was in the living room gorging herself with several "Office" episodes. I can't blame her, season 3 is brilliant and I've gotten her, my other roommate and their respective boyfriends, hooked. So I plopped down and watched a few more with her until it hit about 10am and I could barely keep my eyes open.

    Both of us dragged ourselves back into bed to attempt to steal a few more hours out of a sleepless night.

    I awoke to the sound of banging. Loud, harsh, damaging banging. It didn't seem to stop for several intervals in a row and I thought...why would Adrienne be hammering right now?

    Finally, it stopped, almost as suddenly as it had begun and I rubbed my eyes and trudged upstairs. I found Adrienne in her room looking very tired and equally confused.

    "What happened?" I asked.

    "Emily," she said, "Simona (our landlord) was banging on our sliding glass door in the back. I mean, pounding! I was asleep and woke up and thought the world was ending!"

    "It woke me too! What did she want?"

    "I don't know! She just asked if we were still having bug problems and I said, 'I don't know, you'll have to ask Emily because she lives in the basement and that's where we've seen them'. And then she was just like, 'Okay, I'm going to the house in the back, just leave the door unlocked. I'll be back in a few minutes'."

    "What? That's so weird...Why wouldn't she just use the front door? Or ring the freaking doorbell? She has her own key; she owns this house!"

    "I don't know, she's so crazy."

    I raised my arms creating a cage around my head and whispered, "She's a psycho bitch!"

    "You should have seen her. She was wearing like, a belly shirt with spandex and a baseball hat. Ya know, her typical attire..."

    We both laughed. Besides the woman being absolutely out of her mind she's severely self-obsessed and loves to flaunt her petite little frame in some of the most inappropriate outfits imaginable. When we first met her, she was wearing this pretty patterned summer dress that was much too tight and so low cut your could see the outline of her old saggy boobs. Not to mention, at the same time, we were introduced to her husband who was a belligerent drunk. So much so that his face matched the color of a ripe tomato and was insisting that their son should strip for us. The boy was no older than 10...

    So anyway, a few days before we had thrown a pretty decently sized party and played beer pong on our porch outside. We had warned our neighbors and told them if it got too loud to call us and let us know. We were most concerned with the people behind us because we haven't interacted with them much. The man kept waving it off and saying it wouldn't be a problem, only to leave them four beers. So we did.

    A few days later I heard his wife bitching about the party to two friends they were with. She has been so rude to us. Never smiling, nor introducing herself, and when we walk by she ignores us lie we're not even there.

    So I casually mentioned to Adrienne, "What if Simona is talking to them about the party?"

    Adrienne whirled around in this moment, suddenly frantic. "I don't want to confront her if she's pissy!"

    "Neither do I!" I yelled  helplessly.

    Adrienne went to work. She ran to the kitchen and dragged the remainder of a few beers downstairs to the mini-fridge. She seemed totally engrossed by the idea that there couldn't be any alcohol in sight or Simona might freak out. Don't ask me why...

    So we quickly starting getting dressed. Putting on bras, looking for shoes, and grabbing a few hair ties. I had walked into the living room upstairs looking for my purse when Adrienne came running from the kitchen yelling frantically, "She's coming! She's coming! Go!"

    I don't know why in that moment we both freaked out so severely. But her panic attack gave me a panic attack. Adrienne mumbled something about not being able to find her shoes and I looked up while putting on mine to catch the last glimpse of her dashing out the front door with out shoes. I barely had enough time to put on mine and ran out the door trying to flip the lock at the same time. I couldn't get it and I was certainly NOT going to stop and try again and run into Simona. I ran after Adrienne and we jumped in my car. We were laughing so hard we couldn't breath. Not to mention I had looked out my side window to catch our 75year old Hispanic neighbor glaring at us with a look of utter confusion and bewilderment.

    "Why are you staying here?!!? Go!!!" Adrienne screamed.

    So I did. I peeled out of my very delicate parallel parking spot and took off to find something to do cause God knows we couldn't stay at that house!

    We went to Old Navy and bought flip flops for $2.50. And when we called our roommate to tell her the story, she suggested that she should casually call her and ask her if she had stopped by with the new dishwasher (which we still don't have...) yet.

    When she called us back, she said that Simona was totally casually about everything and didn't even mention our sudden disappearance. Adrienne and I looked at each other only to hold our heads in shame and slight disbeliefs at our idiocy.

    Today, was Not a good wake up day...



Thursday, August 07, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Narrow Stairs
    By Death Cab for Cutie
    Twin Sized Bed
    see related

    Day 2

    The couples are here again. At first it's fun and exciting, I'm the live entertainment for the evening, cracking jokes, saying stupid things, doing stupid things...That is until they decide to pop in a movie and the cuddle-fest begins, leaving me feeling awkwardly misplaced in a room full of puppy eyes and snuggling.

    So I wander off, claiming I am tired, though I've really completed nothing all day, and insisting that I get to bed early, "because I have a long day tomorrow..." Or something of the sort.

    My brain tells me I'm a romantic, that I've always been and always WILL be a romantic, but my heart is shut off. There are no tugs at my heart strings when they lean in and kiss. Only an uproar of vomit through my esophagus and a perplexity I just cannot seem to shake.

    It's almost as if there is some sort of language barrier; a misunderstanding on my part that I just can't seem to grasp. The language they speak with their bodies and their eyes and words they utter with their tongues is simply foreign to me. I don't understand the language. I tilt my head to the side like a child contemplating for a few moments in bewilderment as if in my mind I am saying, "What is this love? Why does it make people do these idiotic, embarrassing things? I just don't understand..." And I fear I never will.

    The storm of the century is brewing overhead. You can hear the tornado sirens even here in the basement and now the couples are making a big fuss upstairs. I have never heard lightening so loud before. The light bulbs are fading in and out like those of a horror movie, but I don't have any fear. Simply a cool indifference for the situation...and a sudden craving for chocolate....

    DAMMIT! I FORGOT TO TAKE MY PILL AGAIN!

Friday, August 01, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into
    By Does It Offend You Yeah?
    We Are Rockstars
    see related

    Celebrity Thoughts

    I just ran across an article that asked, "Is Katie Holmes the next first lady?"


    Dear Lord in Heaven I hope not. If Katie Holmes is the fist lady that would mean Tom Cruise is the president....

    I don't know about you, but that is enough to make ME move to Canada. Or maybe Europe. That sounds nicer


    Also,

    Do you think David Beckham is content to go to bed every night with a too thin, boob job, alien headed, skank of a wife Posh Spice? The woman has next to no class, and even less dignity.




    But I sure as hell wouldn't mind taken her place in bed!  :wink:

    But seriously, I wouldn't mind. David, I just thought I'd let you know that.

Monday, July 28, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    The Battle of Los Angeles
    By Rage Against the Machine
    Born of A Broken Man
    see related

    Waiting

    It was a funny thing that happened yesterday, pretty ironic to say the least. I was rummaging through a basket of old bank receipts that was on my desk, I was trying to clear the thing for packing. I trudged down the stairs and into my father's office where I sat in front of the shredder and nonchalantly started feeding the machine tiny rectangular pieces of my account history.

    At the very bottom of the basket I found one of my pastor's sermon notes from a book of the bible called Hebrews. I was just about to feed them in as well until I decided to read the first few lines, you know, for sentimental sake. The very first sentence that I saw read this.

    "Waiting is God's favorite thing to do, but also is the thing we're worst at"

    Waiting....I blinked twice and re-read the line to be sure I got the message straight.

    Ever since things started going downhill in my life (a.k.a the past four years) I found that I began reaching to God more and more, begging, no, demanding answers from Him. Telling Him who I needed revenge on and how I wanted it done, what I wanted to happen in my life and for it to come TOMORROW, and losing faith in Him for not fulfilling my ever hope and desire. After a long hard year of recovery and complete isolation, I began to dig myself back out of the trench of hopelessness. Of course I had help. Friends who would say things to me that meant so much more than they could ever have imagined. Or simply my parents love that has grown to be the greatest thing that I cherish on this earth. I found myself finding "God" in so many people, places, and things.

    So I heaved a sigh and gave up. Yeah, I gave up. I gave up all my wants and selfish desires. I gave up seeing the world in my way and began to accept other viewpoints, standards, and lifestyles. I gave up trying to strive for the things that I thought I were right but weren't really right for me. And then I moved.

    And then I waited.

    I've waited for a year since I made that change.

    Finally, today, I unloaded the Uhaul truck and started setting up my bedroom. I began to decorate, and stylize. I began to draw schematics and write down ideas. I was flustered, over flowing with excitement. I had to be alone for a minute. I ran to my room in the basement.

    I looked around at the array of boxes on the floor. I chewed on the ideas in my head until I couldn't handle it anymore. I broke down.

    I began to cry.

    I wept for all of the times that I had lost hope. I cried for all of the times I held fast to what was right, and what was good, and never seeing any reward for my faithfulness. I poured out every last inch of water within me over the fact that I finally had gotten what I wanted. I could see it because I think God showed me a small slice of the big picture.

    And I thought about how long I had waited for this moment. How many days I wept on the floor alone crying out to God to show me some mercy, to give me something to prove he had been good and hearing nothing and seeing nothing.

    So I just kept on going. I changed my life around and started a movement of honesty. A movement of integrity over the choices that I made. A banner of perseverance over every single action that I took.

    And here I was. Staring down at my key chain holding the very proof that all of my hard work had paid off. That here, right in front of me, was my place. Mine. My home. Rent I paid for, clothing I paid for, a life I was now fully and independently responsible for.

    I was thinking about how they say "God works in mysterious ways" as I was driving my car back to my parents place. I understood why it had taken so long for all of my dreams to begin to come true. My own place, in a wonderful city, studying a major I was IN LOVE with, and finally seeing the appreciation of life.

    If I hadn't been to the lowest of low, I would've never have appreciated that moment. I would've written it off as another check mark to my book of life. But I don't want my life to be a paper of checked boxes, I want my life to be a novel of emotions, an encyclopedia of triumphs, and a dictionary of achievements. And I could see it now, because I think He showed me today. This is just the beginning.

    "A diamond cannot be sharpened without friction
    Nor can a man be perfected without trials    ."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

  • I cried for the world tonight,
    balled up on my kitchen floor clutching the postcard you sent me from France
    I liked the picture, which is why you probably bought it

    Amongst the array of papers from the mail I pulled a simple card from a pocket in a magazine
    It was stuck to your card and read HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    It was addressed to Jacob

    He will be five now and she will still be selfish and brainless
    I sometimes wonder if he ever asks where we've gone
    Like drifting snow from the life of a window pane
    His world is all too temporary

    In the end we all get our due, but that hasn't seemed to comfort the hate that brews within me
    The cacophony of voices in my head
    The pain I twisted like an Indian burn into his forehead, smashed in through a glass window
    Fearless and vengeful
    The blood smeared across my arms and face like war paint
    His desperate screams of help and forgiveness make my stomach turn

    And then I wake up

    I cried for the world tonight
    All of the evil things that it does
    For all of the idiots who give into their own demise
    And the sorrow it reeps like a harvest on the lives of those who wish to do good
    I cannot will it to be better and I fear we won't ever make it that way
    Because things will continue to break and people will continue to hate each other over mindless, needless, pitiful reasons

    I cried because I am in the world tonight

eeb06b

  • Visit eeb06b's Xanga Site
    • Name: Flixxs
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/28/2007

About Me

  • I love singing and dancing, taking naps, reading everything I can get my hands on (books are my other lover), Daaaa Bears!, I'm way to passionate about many things and a overly sarcastic with others. My favorite season is spring, my least favorite state thus far is Texas, and my favorite type of desert is ice cream, any kind. I'm quite a bit of a procrastinator, I can be a little bit of a snob, and I have a unique sense of fashion. I also love working out, whenever I can get my lazy ass motivated to the gym. Which is why i finally bought weights to use at home :)

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  • AfroBurdie
    I found your Chatboard!!!!Hey Emily! Guess What?YOU'RE AWESOME!