There had been times in the past that he doubted in his mind, shifting his thoughts. Sunlight comes slowly when you're asleep, waking you in a startling sensation. Then you realize, it wasn't really the bright light; it was warmth.

In the same way, reality illuminated his room. And he realized that for the very first time, the curtains had been pulled back. So this was how it felt, this bitter taste he knew all along had a name other than the naive labels he had placed on it. Someone had once told him, if you told yourself something over and over, you'll start to believe it yourself, no matter how big a lie it is. I guess he had been suckered into the opposite; telling himself to embrace reality and discovering it was a lie. A sweetly coated candy apple with a rotten core.

Silly boy. Crying doesn't help. It just makes you another one of those people who cry because they're hurt. Get over yourself.

If you put your love and faith in others, you'll only be kicked to the ground and taste your own blood. Why haven't you learned, after all these years, to be someone dependable? How can you be someone if you can't even be for yourself. Go ahead, do it again, believe in this stupid thing called love. Believe in it with all your might, that way you can choke on it when life shoves it down your throat. Haha. Idiot. Cry.

He pushed himself off the floor again, his eyes standing still. "Thank you", He inside himself, his silent lips forming a smile. Thanks for showing me so clearly. That it was only me pretending that I was loved back. I needed to wake up from a happy autumn dream... am I too late for winter? Oh good. It's not over yet. I always seemed to have an attraction to colder things, I guess now I know why. I belong here, I do. They're so pretty, the little snowflakes. They mean so much to me now.. hehe. I'll try to focus on them, instead of this stinging sensation. Haha, it's funny how the cold makes my heart hurt so much.

He wrapped another blanket around himself, brushing frozen crystals off his cheeks.