Currently Listening I Trust You To Kill Me By Rocco Deluca & the Burden colourful see related

what a crazy past couple of weeks this has been. i'm glad to see its almost break. i could sure use some rest and some time to recoup.

so where to begin...well for starters i'm happy to announce that comps are finally over. hooray! results for the written portion of comps are expected back before winter break and the ETS score is expected back sometime mid march...so not too long to wait. it's weird to finally be done with comps. its like the last big event standing between me and graduation. only 57 more days to go til i graduate! woohoo! really exciting, but scary nonetheless.

so i'm even more confused about what i want to do next year. i see it this way...whats the rush to get all settled down? i'm 22yrs old. there are just so many things i want to do that i'm having a hard time deciding. i know i want to go on to grad school positively. i'm just not sure what for. i've been thinking of going into environmental policy, but lately i've been thinking of higher education. I've also contemplated being a high school counselor or teacher. its just such a big decision to make. i think i need more time to get things figured out. right now i'm thinking of taking a year off and getting things settled. i've thought of perhaps doing an internship with an environmental agency or joining americorps...i just dont know....

i'm going to use break as a time to get myself organized and get things ready for this summer and next year. I also want to get some work done for some major projects i have due in the comming month so that things aren't so stressful when i get back. all in all i'm just really excited to go home and spend time with my family. i've missed them so much. i'll be glad to have dinner with my grandma and grandpa. my grandma makes the best food ever! yum!  i'm also really excited about getting back on track with working out. it seems like forever since i last ran.

besides  that nothing really new to report on...oh wait there is one more thing....me and the girls are going back to georgia for spring break! i'm so excited!! and this time we'll all be 21. hooray! 1 week of pure bliss. i can't wait! well time to kick back and relax a little bit before bed. i'll write more laters! smooches!

em

Currently Listening Taylor Swift By Taylor Swift tim mcgraw see related

well matt said i had til friday to be all emo...so i figured i better let it all out since friday is quickly approaching.....lol

where to start. it has just been one of those weeks where nothing seems to be going right. absolutely nothing. i'm convinced one of the worst things a person can ever hear is "lets just be friends". god those words cut so deep....especially when you have given your whole heart to someone. what i dont understand is how someone goes from telling you they love you and they want to be with you forever to all of a sudden lets be friends. how does someone come to that realization that quickly and then is it even possible to make that transition?

the only thing i have ever wanted out of life was someone who loved me with all their heart. i guess you could say i am a hopeless romantic...though i'm not so sure about that these days. i always thought that if i had someone, no matter how bad my life situation was at least i had someone who loved me and truly cared about me.

obviously its really hard once you get out of a relationship to ever see your self with somebody else...but seriously, i sat down today and thought to myself...where am i going to meet somebody? think of all the ways in which we meet new people after we have gotten out of school...at bars, at work.....yeah thats all the farther my list got. and hell what type of people are you going to attract at bars...sleezy, lazy, dickbag guys...thats not the kind of guy i'm lookin' for. ok so thats eliminated- so that leaves work. hmmm just what i want to date someone whom i work with. that'd just be wierd on so many levels. what a boring life that would be. Alright so i just thought of another one: online dating. LAME. people who post themself online are sketchy. you either get those people who are devote christians who have never dated, or that guy who has been divorced 7 times, or that hermit who never sees the light of day. awesome.

the point i'm trying to make here is that i see no hope for the future. yes of course there are always those exceptions where you just randomly meet the love of your life...but seriously, how often does that happen? At this point i'm just so done with guys and no i am not becoming a lesbian. lol. i have just never in my life felt so alone. where do i go from here?

my hopes and dreams are just crushed and thats what is so scary. how can you continue on without some hope or plan for the future? Yeah the single life can be refreshing i mean you have time to get your life back in order and you have time for self reflection, but man does it suck not having someone there to share all your thoughts and feelings with and man does it suck to not have someone to come home and cuddle with. (sigh)

why is love so complicated?! why does it have to be this hard?! grrrr! i could go on forever with questions...but i've written a novel the way it is. lol. anyways, i better get back to doing homework so i'm not up all night. write more later! smoochies

~em

Currently Listening Life for Rent By Dido nobody knows see related

well i thought it was about time i give an update on my life. of course i would decide this in the middle of studyin' for comps. go figure. lol. but yeah here am i entering my last semester here at hanover college. its a little scary..i'm not gonna lie. I'm scheduled to take comps on the 10th of February and then the national board exam is scheduled for the following weekend. a midst all of this i am rushing around trying to get all the necessary paper work done for grad school next year. I have now decided to go straight on to IUPUI next year and get my masters in environmental policy (hopefully). I'll just be so glad when comps and all this paper work is DONE....then i'll finally be able to enjoy my senior year. lol.

its just so wierd to think that i'll be out in the "real world" next year. here i am 22yrs old getting ready to enter my last 2yrs of schooling. boy what a long arduous journey it has been to this point. i can't believe (if all goes well) that i'll be 24yrs old when i finally enter the workforce. thats just crazy. i have so many dreams and expectations of what my life will be like. After receiving my masters in public policy i hope to obtain a job as a public administrator. i just really want to on some level create change in society. As for a family, i dont want to get married until i'm out of school and have a steady job. i also really dont want to have kids. why might you ask? i don't know. i just dont think i would be that great of a mom for one and second i think i'll have enough stuff to keep me busy...i'm sure i'll have enough nieces and nephews and kitties to spoil rotten anyways. lol.  i really want to travel too. I would love to go to New Zealand, Egypt, and South America. wierd combination i know. lol. i haven't really decided where i want to live though. a part of me really wants to live in the country...but of course thats not really an option considering my future occupation. i'm sure i'll end up there in the end though when i'm retired... i 'll live in some big old white house with a porch that wraps all the way around and have a beat up old pick up truck out front. oh and of course i'll have a beagle. ok well enough day dreaming....i NEED to study for comps. lol. i'll write more later!

Em

Currently Listening Your Man By Josh Turner would you go with me see related

senior year baby! woohoo!  where have the years gone? it seems like only yesterday i was entering the xc team as a freshmen and dying with 2 a day practices, my major was biology (that lasted a week hahaha), i was hardcore partying at least 2 nights a week if not 3, and i was in love with the entire boys soccer team....  a lot has changed since then. 3 years, 3  alcohol violations, and a different major later i sit in disbelief that it could be my senior year. i really hope this year kicks ass. it has too. how could it not when my schedule is completely amazing. i have no classes before 11 most days and i have fridays off! don't get much better than that baby!  i am much looking forward to becoming a regular at johnny rebs this year and resuming my position as honorary president of the hot tub. holla! 

but don't get me wrong there is a lot of stuff i need to get done before i graduate. Luckily I have no IS for my major so that will give me time to focus my attention on getting things ready for next year. I plan on going to grad school to receive my masters in public policy. I am especially interested in environmental policy. I have decided to take a year off after i graduate from Hanover to work at an environmental agency to gain firsthand experience in environmental policy before applying for grad school. I would really like to work for an organization such as Sierra Club which is based in Washington. I just think it is extremely important that we start taking action to preserve our environment by finding plausible solutions to our energy crisis.

whelp, sorry for the short update but its as hot as balls in here. write more later! smooches! ~em

Currently Listening Modern Day Drifter By Dierks Bentley settle for a slow down see related

not too much to update on really. school as usual is being a bitch. hahaha when is it not though?? you kinda get used to it. but no, things have been going pretty well lately... besides the whole having 2 huge papers due in the next week! eek!! you think a paper on sex would be fun....well its NOT. what makes it suck is that its a paper for mamberg. i dont think any further explanation is needed.... i heard somewhere the final exam for a human sexuality course at another school was that you had to engage in a new sexual experience and report back on it at the end of term. what the h?!?!?! why the hell can't we have this as our final?!?! this would actually be fun and at the same time be a learning experience...ok maybe it would be more fun than an actual learning experience for me...but still....lol

anyways on to other news...i went in last week to meet with the career center to get things put in place for after graduation. basically i came out not knowing what the hell i want to do with my life. awesome. so they suggested i take a career placement test. what fun that was filling in 320 bubbles. i was practically cross-eyed when i got done with the test. what made the test more amazing was the fact that the receptionist talked about breast feeding for 45 minutes straight! what the freakin' crap?!?! i have no qualms with breast feeding, but do you really need to talk about it for an hour?? honestly. i can't wait to get the results back, i'm sure it will say i should be a botanist or a carpenter....seriously i felt like i kept filling in bubbles pertaining to woodworking. yeah buddies. awesome. it'll be just as good as the test i took in high school that said i should be a hotel clerk or a janitor. you gotta love these tests....basically what they are telling me is that i am fucked and i will be living in a van down by the river in 5 years. good thing i have an insurance plan with my best friend jeff. if we are both not married by the time we are 30 we are going to get married for the great....whoa hey there...so yeah hopefully he will have a job and be able to support my ass since i will be making limited money being a carpenter?? woohoo the future is sure looking bright!

is it spring term yet??? seriously this term sucks ass and needs to be done. I really can't wait til next year. new room, new classes, a- town will be back, my LAST year here...what could be better? as much as i gripe about this school i really do enjoy some aspects of it. its just time i move on and experience new things. i really think though that next year will be much better. i finally got everything decided (major, plans for after graduation, etc) so i feel a little more settled. now only if i didn't have like a billion alcohol violations killing my social life for next year.....oh and btw i finally paid off the last of my alcohol violations...a whopping $500 bucks i have dropped. really classy i know. but you know me, i'm full of class. lol this campus is ridiculous. last week i am not kidding you throngs (yes throngs) of drunken people were walking around campus completely blitzed and would you imagine security didnt stop ANY of them. what the deuce?!?! i swear they wait to nail me. ass nuggets, get a life.

so i heard this the other day from one of my friends in relation to dating and i found it rather comical so i thought i would pass it along. "i am not looking for mr. right, i am looking for mr. right now". hahahahha i laughed so hard. this is totally not the case for me...well i dont know..i have been having a pretty crummy past couple weeks in relation to guys...but yeah i'm not that desperate yet. hahaha we'll just see. i'm a firm believer though that things happen for a reason and if its meant to be things will work itself out. its really just tearing me up inside. i feel like i have lost my other half. literally, he was everything i wasn't. i just don't feel whole inside. i will always wonder what could have been between us. he really was something special. i dont know maybe my grandpa was right maybe this is just a blessing in disguise.

ok well i think its time i went to bed. so i'll write more laters! goodnight!  smoochies!! ~em