Here I am...'home' from Swaziland...yet, it really doesn't feel like home.

I have begun to adventure out to see the familiar people and places I haven't seen in eight months. I talk to the people who knew me eight months ago, but have yet to know me now. I walk past building after building paved with people that walk by with nothing more than a glance...not comparable to the "hello"'s, "be my friend"'s, and "marry me"'s I have grown accustomed to. I come home every day to a house with infinite water, heat/air, and food. I have the ability to walk into my bedroom, shut the door, and be alone for however long I want...contradicting my former room constantly full of fifteen people where the word 'silence' does not exist. All of this familiarity actually feels quite foreign. I can no longer pick up random kids walking down the sidewalk and bring them home with me, there will no longer be several marriage proposals per day from men I have never seen, and I no longer have to be in groups of three to walk outside my yard.

However, with all of these things that seem different, and all these feelings I have telling me that everything has changed, I have a God that tells me he has not, and never will, change. The God that is in Africa, the God that blew my mind away, is the same God in the United States. The God that I saw heal, heard speak, and watched change lives...including mine..., is the exact same God here.

As I head on this new adventure, I am asked to trust. I am asked to trust my God is here. I am asked to trust what I knew my callings were in Africa are still the same callings I have even though I'm here. I am asked to know, that I am not familiar to those around me, and continue to have my mind blown away by an awesome unchanging God.

Goodbye for now Swaziland.

Hello America.

"Desperation leads us here
Leads us here
Illumination meets us here
Meets us here
Revelation brings us here
Brings us here
Restoration frees us here
Frees us here"

I attended a David Crowder concert this week...which may have been the coolest thing ever, by the way. :)

Lately I  have been overwhelmed in being thankful that I was created imperfect. I am so grateful that I was not created to live a perfect life, but I was created to live one that strives to be holy, and accepts the gift of grace when the imperfections show so bluntly.

For some reason, I feel obligated to wallow in shame when my flaws appear so often. However, I was reminded that if it weren't for our flaws, Jesus never would have had to come and die for us. He died so I could have the privilege of basking in his grace.

How stinking awesome is that?  

So…I just started reading "Brokenness" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss…I definitely bought the book about a year ago…but had been too nervous to read it until yesterday! God has already used the first few chapters to begin to change my heart and show me [a LOT of] areas I need to work on and surrender to Him…Please pray for me as I am about to have some major heart surgery (so cheesy...I know…but it really is a good analogy!)

"I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit within you!" Ezekiel 36:25-27

Some of my favorite quotes from the Book:

"Brokenness is not a feeling or an emotion. Rather, it requires a choice, an act of the will. Further, this choice is not primarily a one-time experience, though there may be profound and life-changing spiritual turning points in our lives. True brokenness is an ongoing, constant way of life. TRUE BROKENNESS IS A LIFESTYLE - a moment by moment lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life - not as everyone else thinks it is but as He knows it to be."

"Brokenness is the shattering of my self-will - the surrender of my will to the will of God. It is saying "Yes Lord!" - no resistance, no chafing, no stubbornness - simply submitting myself to His direction and will in my life."

Things God has been teaching me:

*The way UP is DOWN

*To be LOW is to be HIGH

*The BROKEN heart is the HEALED heart

*The CONTRITE spirit is the REJOICING spirit

*The REPENTING soul is the VICTORIOUS soul

*To have NOTHING is to POSSESS ALL

*To bear the CROSS is the wear the CROWN

*To GIVE is to RECEIVE

*The VALLEY is the place of VISION