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Today I got to spend time with children, and I realized that it has been way too long since I felt like I had fun. (may be the last DCF game night). Kids are so great. And well I felt like we connected because I knew some of the words to the Hanna montana songs (thank you Disney channel). There was one girl who wanted to be a doctor and we started talking and I was amazed that she understood the disparity that existed in healthcare providers where more people are going into specialty because of the money but the need is there for good general practitioners. She is only is 7th grade but totally got the issue (wish colleagues in medical school got it like she did, then may be there would be hope) Well there is always hope since she will be part of the future wave.
Anyway the best part was watching them bake, ( although I realized what a snob food network has made me, I was gasping every few seconds ... WHAT they are not using the double boiler method to melt the chocolate... Oh nooo, they are not doing the wet and dry ingredients separately, man those eggs are going in mighty fast, they didnt grease the pans... sigh... real snobby on my part) and also playing soccer with them. Of course I sucked majorly but they were impressed, although we did have some really good passes and goals... but thats for a 6th grade level. It was really cool getting them to work in a team, and pass to each other, scoring goals were more enjoyable.
Life has some interesting spins... just when the world expects you to be filled with joy and gladness, sorrow and despair is what you find, and its not even the kind that has solutions, its one that hits you out of no where for no reason... Thank God for children, they definitely brightened my day for a bit. Jesus knew what he was saying, when he talked about children. "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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The oaks of Righteousness
On thursday a speaker came from Here's life inner city to Downstate christian fellowship. He talked about moving to NYC from Indiana with the hope to evangelize and realized that working with the poor is where God's heart lies and thats how he got started with Here's life inner city (http://www.hlic.org/). He shared a story about this woman Debbie. Debbie was homeless and an alcoholic. She spent her time under the boardwalk. Until she came to know Jesus, and was overwhelmed by our God, so much that not only did she change her ways, but started working to serve her homeless friends. She started the salt and sea ministry, which provides homeless an opportunity to take showers, get clothes, counseling and advice. Moreover it gives her the opportunity to tell them about God, and show them the hope that she found in Jesus. I was really touched by the story, (we saw a video that captured her in action) There was a part where she stood there and sobbed, and I thought wow, she must really be affected by her surrounding that she was crying, but the reason she was sobbing was because she was overwhelmed with God's love, that despite she being this awful sinner who screwed up so much in life, that God still loved her, and He still looked out for her and forgave her sins because of what Christ did. She felt complete. I was soooo moved because her motivation for what she did was sooooo obvious, it wasn't because the world needed fixing, and someone had to do it, but it was because she was truly giving her life to God because He did save her from her despair... she was truly following Him. And Isaiah 61 that has been constantly reappearing in my life these past 3 months, came to life. The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a] 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations. Debbie was/is that oak of righteousness, rebuilding the ancient ruins by reaching out to those in despair. Man I have sooo much to learn and be mature about, because my motivation is still not grounded like Debbie's. And I am so thankful to David Crowder band, who are also realizing the importance of faith and christianity being so much more than personal development and only "spiritual" (as per new CD remedy and their concert) There are physical demands placed on us and God wants us to fulfill them n partnership with Him. Surely We can change - David Crowder Band
And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit
And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change
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| My 1 1/2 of No medical school
Time line
Step 2 studying --- starting to date Keith--- Trip to Navjeevan--- MPH program---Engagement to Keith ---- sabatacle from Medical school ( doing research, traveled to Hong Kong/China, understanding poverty, God's perspective and call, and my role)
As my sabatacle ends, I am very excited about being a medical student again. I can't wait to get on the floor, help in the patient care, make diagnosis ( find out how wrong I am), learn, learn, and learn some more. These past few months have been great, because they have uprooted my purpose in life from becoming a doctor to becoming a person that loves what God loves, that seeks what He wants changed, and works towards it. I am so excited about seeing medicine with a new eye glass of MPH as well as applying truths of biblical demands to love the poor, the broken hearted, the ones who are in bondage, and "the least of these." I am challenged by what that might mean for my arrogant butt to get off its high horse, stop judging people, and start living like I mean it.
Although people see getting married as the biggest thing that they have to accomplish in their life, sometimes even the ultimate thing, or else my life is over... I am coming to realize more and more that getting married for me is going to be a source of companionship, accountability, sharpening iron, and ultimately a partner in non-crime to work towards what God wants. Its not the ultimate... its just a stepping stone (necessary for some but not all: Props to Mother Teresa and all the hardworking sisters in Calcutta). And I hope I never loose that insight.
I think my influentials points/challenges in these past few months have been
- New York Faith and Justice ( Isaiah project, hearing Shane Claiborne from the simple way speak, Stand up against poverty)
Books
- The irresistible revolution
- What can one person do
- Ministry of Mercy
Life
- Thinking about my response to patients wanting abortion and what it means to love pro choice fanatics and those who want to do abortions for a living - still working on that one
I hope that school doesn't drain the life out of me, and that I can see school as just some thing that I do, and not my identity. Lots of prayer for that one...but I must say its been quite a 1 1/2 year for me.
Looking forward to
4th year of Medical school (neurology, geriatrics, Rotation in India, Anesthesia, sub I, electives)--- Wedding --- Honeymoon---interviews--- getting into a residency program in family medicine --- graduating with an MD--- living in a neighborhood and being fully invested to it--- living simply.
Verse of the day: He himself bore our sins
in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for
righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1 Peter 2:24-25
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| Struggling with helplessness
I have never before cried while reading a book, yes I can be ultra emotional sometimes, but really reading something has never drawn me to tears. This book caused me to cry not once but twice. Its about the struggles of residents living in South Bronx during the early 90s. It talks about poverty to an extreme that if a person didn't know the book was about the south bronx, they would think it is written about a third world country. I can't really do the book any justice in this entry, so I am just going to recommend it, if you are interested in urban issues at all I would read this book.
The good thing is that things have probably gotten a lot better in the South Bronx. But some of the issues about racism really inspired me to talk about the subject in my Sunday school class. My sixth grader who can be so impressive with their bible knowledge today talked about racism not so impressively. I could not make much of it because most of the time it felt surreal. I couldn't gather where their impressions came from, parents or personal experience? Perhaps its growing up in an all Indian church. I sometimes ponder about how I was a few years ago. I think to this day I can recollect feeling uncomfortable around white people. The one factor that has actually made an impact towards change is actually having white friends (besides realizing I can be racist). Relationships... I think it makes a huge difference on how you view people. Perhaps that is why Jesus actually ate dinner with tax collectors and hung out with prostitutes, because the relationships set the example for his disciples.
Yup, in three months I will have an MPH, (God willing) and I am not sure how much closer I am to making a difference, perhaps in another year when I have that MD, or in three more after I finish my residency and am working in a community health center, or 5 more years, when I have enough experience to be a good advocate, or some more year.... well you get the point. Even though reading the book made me feel helpless about making changes that require drastic policy interventions ( I even felt like buying the book for our health commisioner and mayor, presidential cadidates, and all the policy makers) I couldn't help thinking about what I could be doing now. Well I am still thinking.
Another really striking issue last week that made my heart wrench was an article in NY times about how AIDs is not really getting much better is some parts of Africa.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/06/health/06aids.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
Even though more women are testing, and finding their status, many are not returning for treatment, and worst of all, they are being beaten by their husbands and being abandoned. Its quite odd how the person who probably gave them the disease could even have the nerve to harm them any more. SUCH GROSS injustice. What can you do though? So much ignorance, that it only brews more anger in my heart. I can't imagine how angry God is. And then there are the innocent infected dying children...
I guess I can understand my depression from the last week a little better. I think its also seeing some friends move on to bigger things and knowing that its not going to be the same any more, marriage, residency, changes... all bitter sweet. Some how I feel like I am on an Island and they are sailing away... I guess I have to wait for my ship or start making this island comfortable.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12
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| No C, PC or JC???
If I didn't learn enough about being politically correct in cultural comeptency and other classes geared towards "enhancing" my compassion public health classes are definitely doing it for me. On one hand it makes total sense on why being political correct is right. Its insensitive to call asians orientals because that would be equalizing them to carpets and food, its wrong to use the N word (unless ofcourse you are in cultural settings where its acceptable which is not something I really agree with but hey..), or even say black ( although most census and government data still has Black as a category) Its wrong to use terms that are judgemental and may be degrading to people. But on the other hand I feel like the line of being politically correct get really pushed to a point where people are expected to leave their values at the door.
So today we had a MPH graduate who works with the transgender population (defined as those who choose not to identify themself with their sex which is usually determined by their chromosomes of XX or XY) come and talk to us about transgender population, their medical needs and struggles. Very informative talk. She addressed that one of the barriers to care for this population was insensitive providers who discriminate. Then she said "many of these providers have values and religious beliefs and I don't understand why they cannot leave it at the door." Hmmm although I have been part of this school of thought for most of my medical school career, a string in my heart was struck. I don't think I want to leave my values at the door.
Being a christian means that it applies to my life full time, and I don't think I can decide then when I walk into the clinic I should leave my values, and what defines me outside the door. If that applied fully that would make me extra judgemental ( most of the time I am not judgemental because Jesus taught us to not judge Mathew 7:1), it would make me insensitive and when a patient yelled at me I would probably choose to treat them like crap, I would not go out of my way to love and care and spend the extra time with patients because I would come first and not them. So I don't think I should leave my values at the door and I don't think the speaker would want me to leave my values at the door. So whats the solution?
I think the real issue is that the way the trangender population is being treated by those who have "values and religious belief," don't quite represent how Jesus would do things ( I can only talk on behalf of Christianity, and would love to hear how other religions would handle the situation). Perhaps they have issues ( although now its is not considered a disease) prehaps they have many internal struggles, whatever the deal is we are suppose to treat them with love and concern, the same as others, so whats up with the discrimination??? whats up with the prejudice???
I am reminded of how Jesus dealt with people when they might have been doing something wrong or lets say against His values (like the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4), or the adultress who was to be stoned), he dealt with the situation with a lot of grace, he never condemed them, infact he worked in their life in such a way that drew them closer to God and not far away. So how do I deal with my patients whose lifestyle I do not agree with??? Frankly I am not sure, and what sucks is that there is not much discussions about this occuring in chrisitian medical communities and I am disappointed in that. In some ways we are being challenged to bring Christ into the patient room, pray with them, share with them about the gospel when opportunities are provided, but really I don't feel equipped at all about talking to patients about lifestyle choices without making them feel discriminated against, or condemed. I can do it for alcohol and smoking because we are taught that in medical school, but really I have no idea how to talk about sexual choices. aaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh ( thats me being frustrated)
So what now??? may be I ll write a book some day, or may be I can be a pain in the butt to some of the christian doctors I know so they can give me the answer. SHEEESSHH...I tell you this MPH is really challenging me in more ways than I expected.
Verse of the day: The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us." Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he." John 4:25-6
What is man that you are mindful of him? The son of man that you care for him Psalm 8:4
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