I felt too radical and out-of-my-mind passionate when I was talking to you yesterday to the point of asking if you could be wrong for me. I typed "if you could be right for me" first, but realized that my premise is that you are right for me, so the question must go against that premise. The real question of course is "have I got this wrong? Did I let myself feel again only for it to be the wrong guy again?" A reasonable argument within myself concluded that the feeling was fleeting, but when the question disappeared, all was not as before. Each time I do this--question us apart then argue us together again--I commit more of my heart to you without realizing it. The dreamy quality of our relationship of no fights and constant distance and melted-marshmallow-sweet nothings dissipates with the appearance of struggle. No, we don't fight each other. We fight more dangerous enemies in ourselves that can supplant the delicate strands of love beginning to bind us together. I fought for you, and decided that you are worth the sacrifice of a few passionate outbursts and some moments of feeling like I am the one doing all the leading and pushing because in the end, you will love me better than I love myself. Bind me to you--if you are a mistake I don't want to know because I choose you. I choose you everyday for the next : rest of my life.

Grilled cheese and tomato soup for the psychologist

Aaron had to place his hand on the head of the goat or bull or whatever animal he was sacrificing before God in order for the animal to take his place. The sin of Aaron transfers to the animal, through the head. Way back in the garden God had said to Adam when he sinned that the snake would strike his heel, and he would crush its head. God was telling us way back then that we use our brains to decide what we will do and not do. He was the first neuropsychologist. That's a corny line, but right now, while I'm trying to figure out what the heck to do with psychology, knowing that God understands our brains completely feels like a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup on a rainy day.

Hurray for Cheezy

I have a friend who wrote a song called "Hurray for Chemicals" that marvels at the chemistry that creates amazing sensations from just seeing a person you care about. I'm singing "Hurray for Cheezy," because I love hearing the things I want to hear from the man I want to hear them from when it's true. The words tingle me with little vibrations from my insides to my toes and back again. Beat    beat   beat  beat beat beatbeatbeat. So goes my heart when he says these things to me. All I want...all I want...well...it's cheezy.

Currently Listening La Famiglia By Hudson Falcons see related

Hope for another day

Currently Listening Mighty to Save By Hillsong see related

Layers

Feel the curve of my side

and the strength of my thigh.

I cannot leave them for

They are mine,

And theirs

All at once.

Every note plays

One on top of the other,

Seconds, Thirds, Fourths, Fifths,

None left out.

I feel it all

In dissonance.

The smooth, soft, whispers

Caress me outside, inside.

My brain is my stomach.

Churning and trembling,

It knows

What I push down to my toes.

Blank sweetness envelops me.

Call My Name, call my name.

Bite me

And taste the bittersweet

But ignore the bitter.

Savor the flavor,

Then swallow it whole.

The gnawing abates.

I wait.

The sweetness breaks down

Before the bitterness.

It lingers,

Fades

'Til gone.

But they're always there:

My skinafence.