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| This is small, sorry.
I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS AND SUBSCRIPTIONS!
I'll get back on track I promise.
Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
I try to make you mad at me over the phone
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home
No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I gotta have, I gotta have you
Now I got lots of friends, yes but then again -- nobody knows me at all
Kids and a wife, it's a beautiful life; nobody knows me at all
And oh when the lights are low, with someone I don't know
I don't give a damn, I'm happy as a claim; nobody knows me at all
Oh and what can you do? There's nobody like you. Nobody knows me at all
I know how you feel, no secrets to reveal -- nobody knows me at all
-"Nobody Knows Me At All"
"When I was little, my ambition was to grow up to be a book. Not a writer. People can be killed like ants. Writers are not hard to kill either. But not books. However systematically you try to destroy them, there is always a chance that a copy will survive and continue to enjoy shelf-life in some corner of an out-of-the-way library somewhere, in Reykjavik, Valladolid, or Vancouver."
-Amos Oz
"i am against religion because it teaches us to
be satisfied with not understanding the world."
-Richard Dawkins-
Sometimes in our lives, we can lose sight of things.
They seem worse in our eyes than they actually have been.
Got to keep in our minds some positive,
Some people it's not a choice if you live.
"Look at me, I'm not what you need.
If you think that I should catch you every
time you fall, I have tried, but there are
too many places you hide. I didn't
wanna hurt you. This is gonna hurt
you. I don't wanna see you fall, but I
can't be holding on to the same
mistakes we always make."
can see you're now awake
Let me assure you friend: every day is ice cream and chocolate cake
And what you make of it, let me say
You get what you take from it so be amazed
And never stop, never stop, never stop
You gotta be brave
Cause all this beauty - you might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide, and watch the sun rise
You don't really understand human nature unless
you know why a child on a merry-go-round will
wave at his parents every time around -
and why his parents will always wave back.
+ + William D. Tammeus
| | |
| Update!
Thanks for the comments and subscriptions!
I've stopped answering your calls
Because your getting on my nerves
This is it once and for all
You'll get what you deserve
And things will go much easier
For you and me,I think you know
the time has come for it to go no where
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.
Billboards reach past the tallest buildings,
"We are not perfect - but we sure try."
As UV rays degraded our youth with time.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them
when their right, you believe lies so you eventually
learn to trust no one but yourself, and
sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together
Hypocrite opportunist
Don't infect me with your poison
A bully in a china shop
When I turn around, you stay frozen to the spot
You had the pointless snide remarks
Of hammerheaded sharks
The pot will call the kettle black
I don't like you but I love you
seems that i'm always thinking of you
oh, you treat me badly, i love you madly,
you really got a hold on me
i don't want you
but i need you
Don't wanna kiss you but I need to.
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes, you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
(I think Jessica Szohr is stunning)
"No matter what you do or say,
there's nothing you can do to make people understand you."
-Kurt Cobain
The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours
Girl, you been looking at him a little too long for me to be your friend
And boy, you been looking at her a little too sure for me to be yours
And I've been a little too nice, I know
You probably thought that we were just a show
But you left me utterly confused
I am not here for you to use
  
"And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."
  
You'll go down in history with notebooks, pens,
and melodies, but you're running from all of us, you're
running from all of us, you're running from all your love.
And the next part is the hardest to admit and explain but I've got to get it right. She said: “I'll chew you up and spit you out like all them. I’m going to put you right back in my mouth. You can stay like that for now. You know that I will always love you.”
  
"some say opportunity only knocks once.
that is not true. opportunity knocks all the
time, but you have to be ready for it. if the
chance comes, you must have the equipment
to take advantage of it."
-Louis L'Amour
  
If these cigarette's are all that keep me
going what am I going to do once I quit?
Will the world all of a suffen just stop spinning?
Would I be too scared to look up and notice it?
  
& if you want direction baby I can take you farther
& if you want affection, baby I can crush you harder,
and if you checkin I won’t be far, I’ll be right on yo radar.
- Lil Wayne
"i went to a cafe that offered breakfast
anytime, so i ordered french toast during
the Rennaissance."
-Steven Wright
| | |
| ELECTION DAY!
update (:
Sometimes
things happen. Things happen even when you don't intend them to happen.
Maybe at the beginning you had good intentions or no
intentions or intentions you thought were harmless. But before you knew it, things got out of your control.
  
I get up every morning and
go to bed every night, with
this feeling that something is missing,
but I don't know what and I don't
know why. This emptiness is just
killing me, and I can't do anything,
not even cry.
"Among
other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever
confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by
no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know.
Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as
you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their
troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if
you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you.
It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's
history. It's poetry."
-The Catcher in the Rye 
I
really enjoy forgetting. When I first come to a place, I notice all the
little details. I notice the way the sky looks. The color of white
paper. The way people walk. Doorknobs. Everything. Then I get used to
the place and I don't notice those things anymore. So only by
forgetting can I see the place again as it really is.
I
never asked for it to be over. Then again, I never asked for it to
begin. That's the way it is with life, some of the most beautiful days
come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days have their sunsets.
"I
mean, I don’t know how the world broke. And I don’t know if there’s a
God who can help us fix it. But the fact that the world is broken - I
absolutely believe that. Just look around us. Every minute - every
single second - there are a million things you could be thinking about.
A million things you could be worrying about. Our world - don’t you
just feel we’re becoming more fragmented? I used to think that when I
got older, the world would make so much more sense. But you know what?
The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated
it is. Harder. You’d think we’d be getting better at it. But there’s
just more and more chaos. The pieces - they’re everywhere. And nobody
knows what to do about it. I find myself grasping, Nick. You know that
feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into
the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it would mean
that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that."
I am truly sorry about all this. I envy your ignorance.
I hear that it's bliss. And I wonder what of this will have
meaning for you. When you've left it all behind. I guess
I’ll even wonder if you meant it at the time. 
I
am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants.
It seems that I am
always in a state of wishing and rarely in a state of contentment.
Its not about the money we make.
Its about the passions that we ache for.
What makes your heart beat faster?
Tell me now what does your body long after?
I don't care now where we live.
It's not where, or what, or who we were with.
I just need you in my life.
So promise me again,
when memories fade,
we've got each other.
If you're looking for the truth, you have to shut up.
Most people I know fill their days with meaningless bullshit,
small talk, and trivial diversions just to keep the noise
in their own heads down.
 
Try and expect nothing,
but be open for anything.
Don't look far for happiness,
but never settle for anything less.
   Life beats down and crushes the soul, and art reminds you that you have one.
++Stella Adler
  
we've been terrorized with television problems and surprised when it's
too good to be true. we've been terrorized with air-conditioned issues
in spare times when it's too good to be true. i can't live without you.
i've pretended to care for hours. i've pretended to care for days but
your mouth never closed. your excuses are filled with holes suppose
you'll be right too... would you ever even know?
You made me such an asshole
I wish we'd never met
I'm tired of being bored
I'm through with the headaches
Hiding my hands that tremble like earthquakes
Under the table, under the daytime sky
Good Fucking Bye
i
heard that you were living well, but you don't look like you're living
to me. though the sparkle is gone, your smile is in place, so that
everyone watching will see. you've got them all convinced, but i know
so well that you could list your friends, but you can't count on them.
hold it now, you've got everyone convinced that you're alright when no
one else is quite as vulnerable.
| | |
| It has been waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too long.
sorry.
I am still really busy though - so i'll add more pictures later..
:(
Every now and then, those
three little words slip out.
No, not "I love you." And no, not
"I hate you." But I miss you.
And for an instant, I can't stand myself.
Because I know you never thought
about me half as much as I thought about you.
Because I can't stop thinking about you.
I can't get you out of my head;
from under my skin.
"i cannot even imagine where I would be today
were it not for that handful of friends
who have given me a heart full of joy.
let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
-charles swindoll
our prime purpose in this life is to help others,
and if you can't help them,
at least don't hurt them.
-The Dalai Lama
stop making plans, start making sense.
don't you believe any word they said.
sparked up, sparked up
like a book of matches.
falling through the night and rising from the ashes.
When what you see and what you believe are two different things.
You can really start to wear down and lose it and they will never see it.
Tonight I'm coming home in a coma if it fucking kills me.
Listless but relieved, beaming like a newborn hostage.
Orphaned by an ambulance.
I got this new black eye just for you.
"The Constitution only guarantees the American
people the right to pursue happiness.
you have to catch it yourself."
-Benjamin Franklin
i'm sitting alone thinking to myself, it'd be great if people could know if we wore big tags or we threw big parties where only lost people could go, so we'd never think we're wrong and we'd never feel alone.
I wonder why only disasters flood the headlines.
Other people’s misery, are on for the next three hours, commercial free.
And I can’t take much more of this,
We’re all so wrapped up, in it.
Nothing will change, but the channel.
People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world
is also a confession of their character.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand and without them, happiness is only temporary because there’s nothing to make it last. I love to hear people talk about what they’re most passionate about, because that’s when you see the person at their best.
"i recently had my annual physical examination, which i get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, i was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990."
-Dave Barry
when everything is lonely i can be my own best friend. i'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. the mask i polish in the evening by morning looks like shit.
This is your life, flashing before your eyes. All the riddles and rhymes echo in your mind. It looks as though the joke is on you, as your blood runs cold and the plot thickens, inside the mind of a killer, this could all be yours.
"if I were a boy i think i could understand
how it feels to love a girl i swear i’d be a better man.
i'd listen to her cause i know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted
cause he’s taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed."
We used to believe in a lot of things,
like forevers, and our dreams.
We used to speak of our futures.
Then we both went our seperate ways,
we don't talk about those things anymore.
In fact, we don't talk at all.
If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart.
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart.
All my pictures of you.
The troubled words of a troubled mind I try to understand
what is eating you. I try to stay awake but its 58 hours
since that I last slept with you. What we we coming to?
I just don't know anymore.
""I know how frustrating it can be when you're tired and exhausted,
but you still want to draw something."
-Ward Jenkins
"i am a building fire and everyday i train,
i add more fuel. at just the right moment,
i light the match."
-Mia Hamm-
No matter how things turn out in life, no matter what irony fate may deal you, you will never regret the decisions you make out of love, because regardless of the outcome, you can never feel bad about a decision you made for the right reason.
your picture is up on my wall.
it's not even a good picture of you.
i've seen better looking boys, but
there's something about that smile on
your face that makes my eyes fill with tears.
i've always loved that smile.
I've been dancing on the tops of buildings. At the top of my lungs, I'm singing you a song. Don't you leave me alone. My bones were shattered, my pride lays shattered. Well, I'll trample my pride and tell the whole world to dance with me.
When they approach me they see
only my surroundings, themselves, or
figments of their imagination. Indeed,
everything and anything except me.
Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, talking with strangers, waiting in line. I'm through with these pills that make me sit still. "Are you feeling fine?" Yes, I feel just fine.
The love you professed will always be there,
the spark of something undeniable,
a seed of hope, the truth, for better or for worse,
burning fiercely, just below the surface.
Sometimes I wish I could be ordinary and younger then,
but lately that's not happened yet, and when you look at
all the circumstance, it seems it's all just misunderstance.
I realized this doesn't make much sense when I've tried
to face the consequence. I've picking all the experience
of never having found one like you since.
Oh why didn’t it occur to me that your love goes deeper than my moods or reservations and all my stupid lines like, "I’m just not in the mood for this"? I once was blind but now I see, you’re breathing your life into me. Don’t let go, don’t you let go.
No jumping conclusions. I don’t think there’s no solution. Let’s get backwards and forget our restless destination. Let’s live in the moment just this time; could we? Just take one moment of our time; let’s forget we’re running out of time.
The infinite grandeur of our misery becomes confused with glory and almost with happiness, with cold haughty happiness. Was it out of pride or joy that I began to smile when the first white streaks of dawn turned my lamp pale and I saw I was alone in the universe?
It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you?
-My So-Called Life
For all the things I'm losing, I might as well resign myself to try and make a change. And I'm going down to Hollywood. They're gonna make a movie from the things that they find crawling round my brain.
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the appreciation but don't mistake my gratitude for half-heartedness. I'm not shouting these words out for nothing now. I still feel like there's nobody listening in an empty room full of people. I hope these walls have ears, they'll be the only one I'll ever get to.
I never did give them hell.
I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
-Harry S. Truman
I think love is a rare thing in the world. If you think you can have it with this girl, then fuck whoever tries to stop you and fuck the rules. Take the risk and do whatever you can do and try not to get caught. If you do get caught, do it again.
-A Million Little Pieces
"the weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. it works in reverse, too. when i see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, i know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
-PJ O'Rourke-
"One of the oldest human needs is to have someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night." -Margaret Mead
"Je pense que je t'aime, she'd said numerically-- "I think that I like you." Or, "I think that I love you." The French verb aimer has two meanings. And that's why he liked her, and loved her. She spoke to him in a language that, no matter how you studied it, could not be completely understood."
She fell in, fell out, & it doesn't matter anymore, because the person you had to catch you at the bottom is no longer there, he is off doing other stuff, & their promise becomes a kind of lie, & lying is the worst, isn't it? But how he acts, & what he says, & what he does, & who he is, they don't line up anymore, & the lie is in that not lining up, the lie is in not being what she needs but pretending that he is. No one says a word, & she sees it in every minute they have together.
-Scrambled Eggs At Midnight ; Brad Barkle & Heather Hepler
“ Everything I’ve ever done was out of fear of being mediocre." Chet Atkins
We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time lets just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better.
-Garden State
I hope she’ll be a fool- that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.
-The Great Gatsby
No matter how things turn out in life, no matter what irony fate may deal you, you will never regret the decisions you make out of love, because regardless of the outcome, you can never feel bad about a decision you made for the right reason.
I'm never letting this one go. Because certain people enter our lives at the most peculiar times; for the most beautiful reasons. They seem to make such perfect impressions while leaving behind an everlasting impact. Some of the best things in life appear when you least expect them. Things you can never forget.
Why does tonight have to end? Why don't we hit the restart and pause it at our favorite parts. We'll skip the goodbyes. If I had it my way, I'd turn the car around and run away, just you and I.
And I don't know if I can write about chosen wars and the things you feel. And I don't know if i can sing aloud closing doors show me what's real. But I know when I close my eyes late at night there's only one thing a night showing that she can't lie. It's your fight, show me something. Can you show me something?
There's something wrong with a fatal attraction. For every action there's an opposite reaction. It's like a trip to the brain, trip to the brain that drives me fucking insane, fucking insane, fucking insane!
  
"don't fake yourself into ever,
ever thinking about yesterday."
  
I know how to hurt, I know how to heal.
I know what to show and what to conceal.
I know when to talk and I know when to touch.
No one ever died from wanting too much.
"trust me when i say it's not supposed to be this hard.
and every single fear you thought would last will pass.
do i really have to let you go and watch you walk away
and do i have to let go, and wish you would have stayed
and even thought the letting go can be the hardest part,
i think it's time i start."
| | |
| UPDATE!
Thank you all so much for the comments and subscriptions!
The first quote in the update is my favorite. I really hope everyone
is doing okay and making the most out of school!
I can't sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to
do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day
if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the
greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed
by muddled madness inside my head. I've wept on every
birthday I've ever had because life is huge and fleeting and
I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is
terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and
extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable
and I hate myself a lot of the time. The rest of the time I adore myself
and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in.
This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world.
  
And it's all in how you mix the two, and it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss, And it burns a hole
through everyone that feels it. Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it won't come your way,
yeah, well you'll never find it, If your looking for it.
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you.
She needs wide open spaces, room to make her big mistakes. She needs new faces. She knows the high stakes. She traveled this road as a child, wide eyed and grinning, she never tired. But now she won't be coming back with the rest. If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test.
  
With these drinks I plan
to collapse and forget,
this wasted year, these
wasted years. Devoted friends
they disappear.
Everything is fine, but I'm lonely all the time. All I want to do
is be there for the things that you're going through. Is that good
for you? Is that good for you? You haunt my nights when I
don't know where my life should go. My smile will not
mislead you. Is that good for you?
  
Well, I've got a bone to pick and a nerve to pluck, a
skin to get under and a home to wreck.
I've got ends to meet, so I've got a job to do.
  
My Dearest Allie.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us.
I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real.
And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our
new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the
summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach
for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds,
and that’s what you’ve given me.
That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you.
I’ll be seeing you. Noah
Somewhere between an excuse and a lie,
you found something
that you believe. So proud, I guess I can't imagine why.
Three cheers for what we used to be.
  
When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this on searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we’ve been forced to say goodbye.
  
it's actually pretty amazing when you love life.
it's something you look foward to and suddenly
who you are and who your friends are doesn't really
matter. it's what you do that makes the time special.
"bittersweet october.
the mellow, messy, leaf-kicking
perfect pause between the opposing
miseries of summer and winter."
-Carol Biship Hipps
Now I don't like using words like forever,
but I will love you until the end of today.
And in the morning, when I remember
everything that you are, I know
I'll fall for you over again.
Life is one big road
with lots of signs. So
when you're riding through
the ruts, don't complicate
your mind. Flee from hate,
mischief and jealousy.
Don't bury your thoughts,
put you vision to reality.
Wake up and live.
"i am only one, but i am one. i cannot
do everything, but i can do something.
and i will not let what i cannot do
interfere with what i can do."
-Edward Everett Hale
"don't aim for success if you want it;
just do what you love and and believe in,
and it will come naturally."
-David Frost
  
"next time you're mad, try dancing out your anger."
-Sweetpea Tyler
"act as if what you do makes a difference. it does."
-William James
  
Just like ships, we float through each other's lives, through the waters of beauty and grace. We will one day dock at the same port and give rest to our weary legs. There is a light placed up in the sky, like the stained glass, time slows down. I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream.
I love the sound of my feet against these empty streets. I saw the whole town burn down. I'm walking away. Nothing stays, these feelings have wings. Our arms outstretched, we are soaring
I've been so quiet for so long, waiting for the chance to find me, now I'm finding out that things have never been so real. Never felt the way they should be, now they've found me. I wanna spend every moment here with you. You've shown me a place I've seen but never knew.
And I've got no illusions about you. And guess what?
I never did. And when I said "I'll take it", I meant as is.
- Ani Difranco.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and
look around once in a while, you could miss it."
- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
&the world is evolving around me
im standing still of what is yesterday, today, and tomorrow
im harmless, and fragile, unstoppable, invincible
it is all about to fade away by the justing of time
"Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different."
"Here was a new generation, shouting the old cries, learning the old creeds, through a reverie of long days and nights; destined finally to go out into that dirty gray turmoil to follow love and pride; a new generation dedicated more than the last to the fear of poverty and the worship of success; grown up to find all Gods dead, all wars fought, all faiths in man shaken."
We buy our way out of jail but we can't buy freedom,
We buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need them,
Things we buy to cover up what's inside.
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