|
All my life I have feared death… at least that was what I thought. Death would always be my answer when someone would ask what I feared most. It has come to me that death is not what I fear at all. My true fear is uncertainty.
Today I am taking a shower and my phone rings. Usually I would know who it is because everyone who calls me has their own ring tone. If you are not in my phonebook or have a private number my phone will rings as, “Hey Beth your phone is ringing”. I hear this as I am conditioning my hair and decide I better see if a number is showing up. A number was showing up but of course it was unrecognizable. I figured I would test them and see how important their call is. If they sit through my 45 second Napoleon Dynamite movie clip as my voice mail greeting and leave me a message I will call them back. My phone rings two seconds later notifying me that I indeed have a voice mail. I immediately think wow and laugh to myself. As I am taking my shower I actually start to wonder who called and why did they listen to my whole voice mail. I think up a whole story about a random person who called up the wrong number and has no idea now. Amusing myself as I am letting the conditioner deep condition I decide to end the curiosity and just listen to the stupid message.
With my hands sopping wet I pick up my phone, enter my password and listen to my message. It was JennyfromCornwall calling me from a weird number.
My job is kind of unusual. You develop a lot of relationships with people. You literally watch them change. Every week something always happens. This year we had a member die at our front desk of a heart attack. I had a 17-year-old kid I signed up at a junior member die in a car accident. We have had two members lose their husbands in a tragic car accident last New Year. We have watched stroke victims walk again; we have watched people loose incredible amounts of weight. We have watched couples meet, and others fail. We have watched family’s start and end. I have only been part of my job for a year and a half. It is a short time, but for the first time I am experiencing a world where its almost like time does not exist but where uncertainty thrives.
Meet the Worden’s. I signed up Wayne and Lisa Worden and their 3 month old at the time, Jared. They were a tennis couple. Joining Sportsplex to play tennis was something they wanted to do so they could play tennis together, which meant spending time together without worrying about the baby. All the Worden’s became very familiar Sportsplex faces. Lisa trusted Jared with our staff so much that recently she even used one of our staff members as Jared’s babysitter outside of the club.
Every time Jared was in the club it was a sure thing that he would pop his head in the office. He would run around, pick up everything on the floor and put it in his mouth. I would always laugh and look forward to the little monster to come again. About two weeks ago Lisa told me how excited she was because she was going on a date with Wayne for the first time since Jared was born. She explained how Jared has become her life and it is so hard to leave him because he never wants to leave her unless he is here, at Sportsplex. I explained to her how wonderful it is to see him grow up. When I meet the Worden’s for the first time Jarred was in a carrier. Now, Jarred was running wild. Curious about everything in the world. He reminds me of my little brother.
The open shower curtain was making me have goose bumps. Jen was speaking slowly on the other end. I hear the Worden's, I hear Jarred and I hear Jarred passed away this morning. What? What? Blank, confused, scared… I put my phone down and step back into the shower. I rinse my hair as fast as I can. I get back out and call Jen.
Jen explained to me that Jarred had a flu shot. He had a rare reaction to it that caused him to die this morning. She said that our general manager had spoke to the Worden’s and had called to let us know. We hung up. I was blank with tears. It’s a tragedy. I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do for the Worden’s.
Who knew that we would never see Jarred smile again? We watched his whole life; we were a part of it. He will always live in my memory.
I have a tendency no not ask God for help. I always pray to my grandpa. I pray to him because I know he is there, listening, protecting, and watching me. I know he is my angel. When my grandpa died he told God that he would watch over my family. I know this because when he was on earth, he watched over us. I believe he is my guardian angel. Today, I prayed to God for the Worden’s. I asked him to help them.
Our lives are filled with uncertainty. Nothing is ever set in stone. Although uncertainty is my biggest fear, I am working hard to conquer my fear. I don’t know where my life is headed. I don’t need to know. I can’t let uncertainty dictate my life. A week ago I would say it was. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Your life can change forever in a second. Why should you fear something you are uncertain about in five years? I could be the Worden’s.
So here I am… | 
