It's been a really tough and extremely emotional week. I sure didn't make things easier by looking back at a few entries. I've been so wrapped up in my family and everything going on that it's made me really think about what I want out of life.
This is probably news to most of you, but I've been thinking about moving to Seattle. It's been in my head for almost 2 months now. I'd even gone so far as to look at jobs, research apartments, figure out the numbers for how much everything would cost, etc. I was extremely serious about it. After this week though....I just don't think I can do it. My family means too much to me to move that far away. If I left and something happened to one of them, I would never be able to forgive myself if I wasn't able to come back. There's still a big part of me that still wants to go, but the reasonable part is overpowering it.
One of the hardest things about deciding not to move was that I put my mom through so much. She was sad when I told her I wanted to move. She made such an amazing effort to support me. She sent me the most beautiful card for my birthday saying that I should follow my dreams and they would support me. It made my heart soar. Later when I talked to her on the phone, we were discussing it. She started crying, so of course I started crying. She told me she understood that I had to leave, and she would support me. That meant everything in the world to me.
This week, I broke one of my secret rules. I cried in front of people. It actually happened twice this week. I got the call from my mom at work that my aunt was in the hospital. She had to be airlifted to a different hospital, so they could figure out what was wrong with her. I cried in front of a co-worker/friend right after that call. The next day my mom told me some things about the situation that made me very unhappy/worried/scared. I thought I could hide out in my room to sleep, but of course, I couldn't sleep. I walked out into the dining room, Brianne asked me if I was okay, I said no, then I broke down. I was bawling so hard. I hated doing it, but I couldn't help it. I had so much emotion built up, and I had to let it out. The phone call from my mom earlier that day had really shook me up.
So now things are looking up a little bit. My aunt got out of the hospital today. Not sure how she's doing, but hopefully I'll get to see her this weekend. It's just been a very crazy roller coaster of emotion this week. I'm not good at handling things like this very well. :(
This flick was good stuff. It kept me entertained the whole time, although I am easily entertained during movies. Oh well. I give it two thumbs way up. If you haven't seen it, well, you should.
It seems I've come to dread nights. I'm always so exhausted when it comes time to go to bed, but still, I lay there staring at the ceiling or wall. My mind does not allow me to shut it off. I've become good at turning it down, or even sometimes off, during the day. That's because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about things. But when those lights go out at night, my mind switches to the things that I wouldn't let myself think about during the day.
All I can do it sit and wait for some news. All I want to do is leave everything here and drive down there. But that would be the irresponsible thing to do...... I hate being a grown-up.
The Bon Jovi/Daughtry concert was on Saturday night. Amazing. That's the only word that can even come close to describing it. I didn't know several songs that were played, but that really didn't matter. They were both fantastic performers, and I loved every second of it. The only bad thing from the night was that Bon Jovi didn't play one of my favorite songs. I will just have to play it on here. :) Also, tonight, I worked late at the hospital, and my surgeon also went to the concert, so for one surgery we had all Bon Jovi songs playing. It was great. :)
