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ellechantonne
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Name: Hannah
Birthday: 10/19/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing, debate, piano, singing, French, Italian, dogs, horses, art, photography, acting, cinimatography, film, reading, public speaking
Message: message me
AIM:  ellechantonne
Member Since:
2/21/2004
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| I'm different. I'm different because every day changes us. I woke up today, and finally felt joy. I never have gone back, I've never turned around. Sometimes I've lost my footing, and sometimes I've even just sat on the ground. But that doesn't mean I've erased the progress I've made. It just means I'm not the one who is faithful and perfect. I'm the one on a journey to high places. And in the desert, you're faced with things that challenge everything: who you are, and what you've become. It makes you question so many things, but there IS a purpose, and there is a point where you make it through. The most beautiful view is looking out to the desert you've come through, that you must endure no more, and looking forward to the beautiful mountains ahead you have to enjoy. The future is bright, and my hand is warm. My feet are dirty, but my heart is assured. My mind is clear, and finally I am strong. It was my weakness that softened me enough to be reborn. I rest comforted, that I'm being prepared for a journey that is long.
Jesus looked in the eyes of the man threatening his life, the man who made the call to end it and uttered these words "You have no authority that has not been given to you."
Jesus faced death and knowing man holds no power over him. God looks on with a sovereign hand. When you understand God's sovereignty over your life, than you can move forward with comfort that the corrupt people of the world will never have more power then what has been given to them.
I have been very wronged in my life, and lately my question has been, how do you recover from being wronged? I know what pain and sorrow feels like. I see it turning into bitterness and self-hate. When you cannot change those who have wronged you, you want to make them suffer as you have. When they don't, you turn to blame yourself, because it is you alone who is suffering. So you turn to see yourself as the reason for the pain and downward spiral your life has become. This only leads to depression, and a depressed person is so low, they see no hope for themselves, so they live stagnant lives. I have teetered back and forth between blaming others fully, and then blaming myself fully. One side leads to anger and bitterness, the other to depression and inner death. How can I take responsibility for my actions, and at the same time understand that I have been wronged, but God is sovereign and loved me more than anything through it all?
I see now, there are two roads to take, one is to become hard, and the other is to become soft. It is simply a decision. It is simply a choice to believe the best in God, and the best in us. It happens when we realize God created everyone, and we all bear image to Him, and there is a little Jesus in everyone, even when we cannot see it. When others hurt us, we have to see it's about their walk, not ours. However, we can use it to become closer to the one we love. We hold in our hearts Jesus' words that all power in God's, and He holds us in His hand. We hold this because in the most challenging time of Jesus' life, the truth about God's sovereignty is what He looked to.
God is sovereign because he never gives us more than we can handle, and through it all, he has created a special path, uniquely for us, that we can choose in the midst of our trials to become more like him. We must see that He has all power, and when He chooses not to intervene, and reach out to us, it is because in that time, he wants US to choose Him. I fully believe that God wants nothing more than to ravish us, shower us with goodness, and take every inch of us in daily. But like the perfect lover should, he holds back at times with yearning, so that our love and desire for Him with grow enough that we reach out to Him. He is already the perfect lover, so he has no growing to do. It is us that must nurture our love to maturity by yearning for him and living out challenges where we choose Him over anything else.
He is NOT like the rich man who takes away his wealth from us for a time so we may see how lucky we are. He is the lover who holds back, so that we may fall in love with Him, because He knows if He does not give us that chance, he is robbing us of the greatest gift in the world, dedication. He knows how wonderful it feels to want to give everything to the one you love, and our joy will only be complete when we too experience the fulfillment of that desire. The climax of the great story is after we have experienced that desire to the fullest, despite living in this world, to be able to join in the new heaven and the new earth as we fulfill that desire and become entirely our lovers with nothing held back, and live in full joy for eternity.
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
ya oh oh no
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
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| "Be My Escape"
I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.
I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You | | |
| I feel sick. I just watched a terrible movie. The Good Girl. I guess the reason I hated it so much is because I loved the beginning. But there were no surprises in the film. Everything you saw coming, came. Everything you thought of, but hoped it was too dreadful for someone to actually make a movie about, turned out to be the plot. I feel tricked. I went into it thinking it would be great, and it let me down. I didn't have my guard up, and the stupid film bled all over me.
So I guess now I'll have to go watch something I know will be good.
But wait, I relate. I guess in some ways the script was sort of brilliant. Because that's how it is with life. You find someone who makes life a bit exciting, and you want to give in, but you feel like you shouldn't, but then you think, well maybe if you do, the end result will actually surprise you...but it doesn't.
No, cut that, the script is crap. Nothing can be considered brilliant that anyone could write. The point of a movie is to tell a story that is different from everyday, or at least has a different take. If people wanted to have a boring, depressing story, they wouldn't need to watch it on the screen.
Not to say I don't value realism though...I do. But I also value origional thought, and inspiration. And how can we recieve either unless stimulated by something outside of ourselves?
The truth is, I hate the script for different reasons. Everything above I just wrote is crap. I hate the script, because as a girl, I want to believe that if I find someone to really hold me, everything will be OK. My life will change for the better. But that stupid director made it look to realistic.
I'm getting a little bit of why people don't want to be held, unless they know it's by the right person, because your mind plays tricks on you, letting your guard down in the arms of something you don't know...
like a bad movie, that you wish would surprise you, but it's all too predictable.
The funny thing is, people think they're origional, like directors. They think they have something special going on. They see characteristics in their story that they think people want, but maybe those things aren't even there, or maybe they're exactly what we're afraid of.
Who wants that crap? Who wants the mess in their lives?
I don't know what I'm saying. My head hurts. I think I'm sad, but can't really tell.
You know what else I don't get? How do people get drunk? Every time I drink too much, I throw up before I can get really messed up. O ...I forgot what I was going to say.
YOu want to laugh hard? Try taking peanut M&M's and crushing them between your thumb and index finger. Maybe you can, but I couldn't do it. It made me laugh uncontrollably though. Man! Even right now I can't! My fingers are weak!
I have so many thoughts flying around, it shows how random writing is. If I had chosen to start typing 7 seconds earlier, I would have been typing about fake rape, as in sexual fantasies, and how weird that is, weird as in why the hell does that sound so good? But now I don't feel like talking about that, I'm in the dawn of a new 7 seconds. And in these I'm visualizing my brain, and how outside forces interact with it to create activity that causes me to do things, or think of things, or reach new levels of awareness. How if you simulate something based on an outside interference you've had, it can cause a reaction to your body. Like when you're falling asleep and you feel like you tripped and are falling or something, and your mind causes your body to jolt. Or orgasm, which in a lowered state of awareness, can be caused by your mind alone, which is why most people use alcohol, though the truth is it takes away more than it adds.
Isn't it weird to think you'll never have a chance to know what it's like to be in anyone elses' mind but your own? But even with your own you have enough experimenting to do. Varing levels of awareness with drugs and alcohol, and best, different stimulations based on human interaction. The electricity spread from just a touch could have some affect on self-healing. What about medetation? Repeating a word until your mind feels open to outside forces, but how repressed can your mind possibly be if it brought itself into that stage? Surely your mind is powerful...but was that really my point.
Ah, yes, such a powerful, rapid moving thing must have direction. Are we not all in danger of going insane? It it really mental illness, or possibly just a level of engagement from the powerful organ we have not come to understand on that level?
I don't know what I am saying, but I feel like this post was just supposed to be about a bad movie. Maybe it's my mind that associated bad feelings with the familiarity of the content on a partly subconcious level that made me think it was bad.
Once you can learn to tap into a persons subconcious and stimulate feelings and emotions they didn't know they could have, then you have become an artist.
Yeah, I still think the movie sucks though. Stupid director...
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| I got roses!
and a romantic candle-lit dinner with Champagne and chocolate bavarian cream for dessert.
And it was all a surprise I walked into.
I didn't realize I had a valentine, but once it happened it felt so right...so perfect. So good to be loved by someone who will do anything to win you over.
We fell asleep cuddled up together in a blanket to a movie.
All such a perfect surprise. I didn't know I was worth all that. I didn't realize someone wanted me that bad.
And now the memories of a perfect evening tell me otherwise. From now on I'll have a new bounce in my step, and a different smile on my face. Why can't everyone's Valentine's be as perfect as mine?
Let me tell you, it was worth the wait...and now I know, it's worth waiting for.
I now feel motivated to become who I want to be...because there's a reason now. | | |
| I'm so happy. :)
Today is going to be amazing, I can feel it...
PS. I love you. | | |
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