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| Well, Life is a lot better. . . . except the fucking finacial aid
department of KSU. They are liars, LIARS, ok now that that is out
of the way. Things are definately better, I am out of my
shell. Out having fun. I realized that I don't need to know
what I want for the rest of my life, or what direction to go in, I just
need to know what it takes to make me happy.
I thought that I needed a girl friend, I thought I wanted to have
someone to be around all the time. After a girl at work was
interested in me, I realized I can wait for someone that I want to be
in a relationship. You cannot force things, you cannot date
someone you just can't get along with. So I will wait, and be
happy single.
Aside from an ass ton (yes I said ass ton, just like I say greasy
grimmy goffer nuts) of reading for my classes, school is going
well. I really love my science and religion class, it is all
discusion and very intriging. Maybe if I didn't get sick and
sleep through my current events class it would be interesting as
well. WEll, I better get going to bed, have to get up early.
later yall
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| Interesting how things turn out in life. I am being philosophical
as of late. Maybe that is becuase I am at a juncture in my life,
caught between high school and the "real life" that I will be
living. Maybe it is becuase I am caught between a boy and a man,
a point in which I really have to find what I want and sieze it.
Maybe it is just becuase I am sleep deprived and am ranting.
Whatever the reason is, I have been doing a lot of thinking and need to
do more.
I hate being specific in these posts becuase I treat this like a
journal, but all can read. I also am very general in my
ideas/thoughtsl. I figure life lessons learned in any particular
situation can be applied to many aspects of my life. See, I am
here in my second paragraph and I haven't even posted anything with
content. so here I go.
What do I expect in the next few months? I expect the next few
months to be a settling period. My life was kind of thrown into a
bind after I recieved my DUI. I was in a financial situation that
was not easy to recover from. School suffered and I became
very withdrawn. I almost became a social hermit when all this
happened. I was working two jobs, I was avoiding telling some
people and therefor avoiding them all togther, and I wasn't keeping in
contact with a lot of people I should have been. I fell into a
rut which I must now come out of. I want to be back to where I
was, a place where I could look forward to hanging out with any number
of people, mingling, and spending as little time being a bum as
possible. I loved having many friends and I have to work to regain the
progress that was lost due to this whole situation. I can say for
a fact that several people in specific have been affected by my
hermitness.
So here is my goal, to live life to it's fullest, work through my hard
times, and be happy. That is all that is important, that I am
happy, so I will do what I think will make me happy. Yes that
sounds selfish, but hey, it is my life. I just wanna live.
ok, peace all, and here is a quote from one of my favorite songs, anyone want to guess what song?
" Sleeping through the evening singing dreams inside my head
I'm heading out I've got some ins who say they care and they just might
I run away with you if things don't go as planned
Planning big could be a gamble I've already rolled the dice
I spit and stutter stuff and clutter worries in my worried corner
Maladjusted just untrusted rusted sometimes brilliant busted thoughts
Think I'll stay for a while I'm intrigued and I'm red as a newborn white as a corpse" | | |
|  | Currently Watching
Hero
By Jet Li, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Maggie Cheung, Ziyi Zhang, Daoming Chen, Donnie Yen
see related |
Well, yes, it is a saturday night and I am staying home watching movies
by myself. Why do you ask? Mainly cuase my day has been so fucked
up. I am used to staying up late cuase I work at nights, so being
new years eve last night I was up till 4:30. Not becuase I was
wasted or out partying. I did go to the bars for a while, but
that is another story. I just stayed up cuase I can't go to bed early.
Well, that really hurts ya when you have to be at work at 6:30 am the
next day. Especially when you are short handed and have to work
till 5:30 pm. Yeah, that was a long one. I did get to take
a long ass nap, but I am still exhuasted and need to be unproductive.
YES! a few more days and I can drive again. That shoudl spice up
my life a little bit. I will not have to pester people for rides,
walk to work, or ever sit at home when I am extremely bored. Now
I can go about and actually do things. . . . have I learned my lesson?
yes, don't get caught drinking and driving ;) haha, just kidding.
This last month has just been wierd. I don't know, I have done a
lot of thinking and still have a lot more thinking to do about my
life. I am at a point where I must decide what I want to do,
where I want to go. I stretched myself thin by focusing on a lot
of different aspects of my life, but I feel I am gaining some control
over some parts. I don't know, there is a lot left to do.
This is also a very broad statement sorry, I like to be
unspecific. If you are curious, just ask.
I would consider myself an above average person far as intelligence is
concerned, but becuase I have not thoroughly thought out what direction
I wanted to be heading, I have set myself back. I feel I have a
lot of potential and that I should be doing something. This conflicts
with my A.D.D. type personality which directs my interest in many
different directions. I guess I need to focus on one thing at a
time and complete one task a time.
Well, I am done rambling, this is way to serious of a post so I will
leave on a lighter note. You HAVE to see Napolean Dynamite it is
FUCKING hilarious. Especially for those from Clay Center. . .
remind you of anyone? cough *TYLER*
peace and leave love
| | |
| - Well, I hate waitresses. I was at work tonight trying to bust ass
and get off of work early. Bending over cleaning a damn sink and
some girl comes flying around the corner and knocks my ass over.
I like slide halfway across the kitchen (this girl is not small).
Now, two scatches and a bruise later, my back is all fucked up.
The worst part is that she wasn't going to get anything for work, just
getting her to go food. She didn't need it.
Ok, bitching out of the way. So I was really unproductive
today. I woke up around noon, ate around 1. . . went shopping
with my mom for a couple of hours, then went to work. God, I need
to do something, I am so damn bored. I feel so worthless, MAYBE,
I will go running or play basketball. Haha, but I am sure you all
want to hear about this, my thoughts on my productiveness.
WEll, someone is complaining I am taking to long, so I will try not to
write that much more. I have tommorrow off, so I will try to get
all the shit I want to get done. Like my all house clean.
The house was left a damn wreck and I think I will be slaving for 2
days to get it where I want it. I think I have seasonal
O.C.D. It comes in spurts. WEll, I think I am going
to take a nice relaxing bath (my damn back still hurts) and hit the
hay. lata all
Btw, everyone yell at kara cuase she was supposed to entertain me tommorrow. . . but no, she has more important things to tdo!
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| Well, Christmas is over. I love recieving christmas gifts, most
becuase everyone gets what they wanted but wouldn't have bought
otherwise. I got some clothes, a nice new watch (tradition cuase
I always break it or lose it), some books, some clothes, and an
unmentionable gift from my bro! lol ;). I spent most of christmas
morning in clay center then my parents brought my back to manhattan
where I proceeded to be EXTREMELY BORED. I was stuck in a town
with no human contact.
I was so bored I ended up going to watch a movie by myself. . . . . I
mean, there were a lot of people there, but I was the only loner!
After that I came home, did a little cleaning. . . .still a lot to
do. Then I realized that I was to lazy to cook dinner. . . .so to
rusty's I went. Wasn't even going to drink, but hey, say a
friend, decided to drink the rest of christmas away and get a drunken
ride home at 2:00 in the morn. Yeah, that was my christmas.
Kinda deppressin huh? PEOPLE COME BACK TO MANHATTAN.
I have been thinking a lot about new years and my new years
resolutions. I have never really set or followed any in the past
becuase I have been content enough with my life, but I feel I need to
set a few more this year. I know what they are, maybe I will post
them in a few days or so. Lets just say I want to do more with my
life, maybe get a better focus, and get out of the rut I put myself
into. Who knows, I could be rambling. . . . I just felt like I
needed to set some goals.
People, leave some xanga love or I won't update! and yes, pathetic coments are welcome, cause my christmas was kind pathetic ;)
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