reminsicing.

i was just thinking on my drive to work today the last 6 months of my life and how completly different i am today from what i was.

sometimes i wonder how i got to be so selfish and bratty and then after everything with Neil, my life just took a 180 turn. it is amazing how people can truly change. my friends telling me what a difference they see in me and that makes me feel good. it really isn't about all the materalistic things or how much weight we need to lose or how much money we have, but it really is the relationships with the people we love and looking into the future with such fierce to do something more than we can.

anyways, random thoughts :)

Thank you everyone for their support. I still miss Neil every minute of each day but I thank God we got to spend the last 2 weeks of his life together and tell each other how much we loved each other.

I'm still coping with Neil's death but I am learning that we should all make sure the story of your life is something that we should all be truely proud of.

We should all live a life that is revisited by others and live a life that inspires others to be more than they see as they are.

And lastly, we should never settle for a life where you simply exist. Do something with your life.


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Neilson Brady Rudd

July 28, 1985- December 9, 2007

so much has happened since the last time i wrote on here. some good and some bad but definitely a life learning experience for me. losing two important people in my life has had a huge affect on me these past couple of weeks but i'm learning from it.

this weekend was soooo what i needed... just a girls weekend with 3 amazing girlfriends. sometimes i forgot what it was like hanging out with just girls.

anyways, back to studying and working tonight at the bar... i so do not want to work tonight until midnight but oh wells!

and i cannot wait to head back to st.louis next week for break.

:)

so werid how much has changed in a couple of months...

     school is going good... i have an idea of what i want to do in my life but i feel like my motivation is lacking. i want to keep working hard so i can make my parents proud of me but i've always lacked motivation. but in other news, i started working at a clothing boutique in downtown columbia and it sucks because in retail, i feel like i am eye shopping while i am working and deciding what i want to buy next... haha. and everyone knows what a big shopacholic i am so yes... and we just got these amazing cute winter coats in and yes... haha but anyways! amber got me the job there so it's been fun...

and yessss, i of all people finally settled down and have a boyfriend now. it's so werid that i finally gave up the dating habit but in actuality, it's been an amazing 2 months with him. he makes me so happy and it's so refreshing to know there are actual "nice" guys here. neil is so caring and just so incredibly sweet to me. i'm still getting used to balance the boyfriend and friends and it's just so funny to me because i never would have thought that i would have ever become that "girl" but i kinda have and stilll trying to find that balance like i said... but anywhos!

life is gooddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

ps. does anyone even read this anymore?? :)

best summer of my life :)

man, where do i begin? all i know is that summer is winding down and i am having the one of the best times of my life at this moment.

going to Korea this summer was such an amazing experience for me. it taught me where i was from and who i am as a person. it made me appreciate my parents, my family, and my culture. if i could go back right now, i would honestly just leave. i miss the motherland so bad!

this summer was all about new experiences, spending lots of time with my family, going out as a 21 finally, hanging with old friends, making new friends, having an amazing guy in my life right now... seriously, what can i say? i feel like i have it all right now.

so i guess now it's peace out summer, hellooooo fall and homework once again :)

i hope everyone has an amazing school year!