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| So i just got home from class.
No really-- I'm serious. Apparently everyone at the college failed to inform my (new) instructor that the class going till 11:00 pm is really an arbitrary #; in reality, its more of an assurance that students have adequate lab time. Instead, we're sitting around listening to her read verbatim from our textbook at 10:00 pm.
kill me now.
ok, and I also realize that everyone has certain phrases in speech in an unconscious manner. I'm positive I do. But it becomes quite redundant when the phrase "right?" is used after every statement. every.
so after awhile of zoning out to the lecture aka read-along... my brain goes to the fun happy place for respite.
happy place tonight: remembering an SNL skit from back in the day, which always made me laugh. it's Dana Carvey doing The McGlaughlin Group. it was sort of my brain response to hearing "right?" all the time. in case you're not familiar with it, here's a link to the skit:
http://www.zippyvideos.com/5171469584804106/the_mcloughlin_group/
'WRONG!!! I'm perfectly sane; everyone else, however, is insane, and trying to steal my magic bag!'
Disclaimer: no I don't own it nor do I want to contribute to copyright infringement-- I just want to share a funny memory/way to get through class.
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| 7 yearsfunny how a scotsman (ok, former scot) can trigger my memory-- the most impactful memory I have as an american. yeah, he's a bit of a pervy old man, but there is a side to craig ferguson that i truly respect. there are a few things he won't make jokes about.
7 years ago, i had my figure drawing class at 10:00 am. So I'd set my alarm for 9:30, as i have always been a lazy bum. Through my haze of drowsiness, I heard the deejays on klty talking about praying. but there was something in the urgency of their voices. i thought it was.... a joke maybe. perhaps a drama they had created. maybe something akin to 'war of the worlds'-- the radio show that had people freaking out about an alien invasion back in the day.
but... it was real.
one of my roomies was already in the living room with the tv on. and, slowly, it sunk in. we sat there in shock, trying to understand what was happening. we drove over to campus... and saw the sign on the door of the art building-- 'due to the terrorist attacks in new york, all classes at unt have been cancelled for today'. i'll never forget that sign. i have a photo of it. all day, i sat in my apartment with all my college friends-- we were glued to the tv. and just praying.
this year, i took another photo. i'd spent almost a week enjoying a beautiful, busy massive city with some sweet friends. memorial day seemed a fitting day to visit where those buildings fell. i ventured down to the battery park area alone, not quite sure how it would hit me.
it was a surreal experience. i stared into this mass of a construction site surrounded by fences and concrete, and remembered. tears streamed down my face--- but as i walked away, i was the only one crying. the sea of humanity that flowed around me had already mourned this day. for over 5 years. up close and personal. though i'd watched these events on tv-- it took standing right there in order for it to sink in.
across from the massive construction zone (aka ground zero), is a very small, very old church. crumbling headstones are spread across the yard in front of it, some much older than 100 years. i sat on the bench and sketched, and my ponderings led me to think about how temporary life is for any of us. we are never guaranteed tomorrow, or even one more second on this earth.
and yet, even with this perspective, it is a challenge to remember this is so temporal. it is a challenge to meditate on the things which last for eternity. long past any buildings or earthly bodies or gravestones which slowly become dust.... again.
days like today.
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| brain swimit seems as though I'm continually being reminded of humanness and our proclivity to 'pray to the god of the lesser things'. always always I am so relieved by grace. and rather intimidated by it.
i started school + work, and have been delightfully exhausted with the busyness. Its somewhat bizarre to sort of 'start at the beginning' in some senses, but I'm very encouraged. Such a strange, wind-y road has led me to this "place" in life, and it feels... it seems... Where I'm supposed to be. At least... today. haha
I pray my parents find a new church that speaks Truth. It really breaks my heart for so many reasons that they are moving on.... which has obviously been inevitable, apparently. I, too, am sort of in this maze. I honestly haven't sought out a church for myself. Outright ignored it, more like it. Hmm. Its a matter of wanting to desire God and trying, asking, to believe that it is for the good. All too easily an excuse. Its more that I run quickly when I am in need of some scourging. Funny tragic sorta.
thoughts on the forever kind of things. its the glimpses that keep this walk moving in the right direction. glimpses. seeking out the glimpses. ohhh if it would just be easier.....
...but then again, easy.... it was never meant to be easy.
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| heresy, hypocrisy, and humanity (and other applicable 'h' words for silly alliteration purposes) Life can pull you in some unexpected directions. and really, there's something to be said for the necessity of letting go of perceived control of our own lives; the impossible willingness to give control back to God--- usually, in my case, only surrendered after a long and painful power struggle. heh. yeah, I'm stubborn.
All too many gloomy postings aren't really what I'm about right now. Actually, I'm really hopeful about the new road that God's put me on. School starts back next week, and I'm really enjoying my new job. It feels great to be back in the creative world in general.
My parents have a very difficult change ahead in their future. They've been attending the same church since before I was even around. Or my sis, for that matter. This was the place that I received Jesus into my heart at 11, the place where mission trips and church camp sustained my soul throughout turbulent teenage years. The same church family that surrounded my family with love while my mom was fighting for her life 4 years ago. The building that my sister married the love of her life 2 years ago in.
Their (newest) pastor is teaching some really off base stuff, theologically. Stuff that, imo (and theirs), is pretty much heresy. And.. it is actually not surprising to hear. Its why I left that denomination in college. But it saddens me to know that slowly, quietly, this church is dying. This church that has been such a massive part of my childhood. Its like that analogy where if you place a frog in water, then increase the water temperature gradually, it will not process that it is slowly being burned alive.
Bringing to mind the harsh words Christ spoke about false teaching in Matthew 7, actually.
But then this brings to mind my own insecurities and battles with faith, and leaves me wondering how much of hypocrite I am to judge others while my own relationship with God grows stagnant (by my own apathy). Knowing truth and not applying it; doesn't make it any better. Harsh words about that in I John. Just as well as harsh words in Matt 7 about God saying 'I never knew you'. Hmm.
hugs not drugs, ya'll.
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| technology sabbaticalWow. Its sort of disturbing to realize that a week without tv or internet leaves me so... hmm. Disjointed? I'm not sure there's a word. But it has been a welcome break; albeit not exactly a planned one.
I moved last weekend to a new apartment close to school. I really lucked out-- the view out my window is of actual trees/woodsyness; it almost feels similar to that "nature" thing I keep hearing about; rather rare in suburbia. SOOO busy this week-- trying to figure out the course of action to take in regards to schooling, job/internships, and a myriad of other 'up-in-the-air's. Oh yeah... life.
Sidenote: Plano makes me giggle inside. I was on 75 yesterday, and was passed by 2 of the exact same model BMW sports cars (different colors), both driven by um.. I'm guessing 16-year-olds who will end up wrecking them by the end of 6 months' time. As much as I loathe that sort of excess bullcrapness, I enjoy being a bit of a subversive in such an environment. I almost want a rusted hippie van, but I do enjoy the fuel efficiency of my car. /end sidenote...
I've been talking to my mom quite a bit about spiritual matters; and, honestly, it makes me sad inside. The 'pastor' at her church has a decidedly radical view of Christianity, and it's bothering my parents (and me) alot. They've been a part of the UMC since before I was born, and have had a plethera of different pastors 'assigned' to the congregation (something about bishops-- I don't understand the logic-- whole other rant). My parents are some of the most dedicated and faithful people in my life. Though they don't agree with his views (namely, that there are 'other Faiths other than Christianity which can be a means of grace'), they have been a part of this community for like 30 years (long before he was ever around). Obviously, this pastor is pretty set in his beliefs; as well as my parents are in theirs. But at what point do you stay with a church that is being led astray theologically? Is it better to stay at such a place, being invested in that place, and try to stand up and speak out against the untrue? Though it seems a bit of a rhetorical questions, I feel like there is a reason God has them at this place... and the only justification for leaving that church would be with His leading alone.
But then another train of thought enters my brain--- if truth is being preached, yet devoid of community (as I find my situation currently) is that any better? Is it better to have community, but with (I daresay) heretical teaching?
Points to ponder, as usual.
yaay for internets! i've missed it so...
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