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embracing_emptiness
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Name: Becca
Birthday: 10/16/1986
Interests: losing weight,exercise, fashion and music
STATS: Ht: 5'5. HW:160. SW:146
GW:1-140
GW:2- 135.
GW:3-129.
GW4-122.
GW:5-119.
GW:6-110
UGW:105.
Expertise: failing...binge purge,binge purge.
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/28/2005
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| I just got home from Palm Beach. I think that I was too happy there...I'm not ready to be happy I just can't accept it. When I got home I weighed myself, I am 100.2 lbs . I look like 300 though. I went running too but I don't feel like weighing myself just yet, it's weird because I am very compulsive about the scale... It started out at like 3times a day. now anytime anything enters or exits my body I am on the scale, I dont know my emotions are a fucking rollercoaster which will eventually be derailed.
my mom talked to muy grandma to see how i was behaving and such...my grandma said I ate well and she doesn't know how I am so skinny because of all of the food I ate...silly grandma.
I am going to see Jeremiah in about an hour, I'm excited , I have actually never been this excited to see him. I think I will spend the night at his house...that would be nice. I just feel like being away from eachother was good and it really made me appreciate him because I realized that he puts up with a lot from me , I'm a rediculously large bitch and basically theres nothing stopping him from leaving me to be with some one who treats him well...but he stays and that's why i love him.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh | | |
| UGH I am so fucking fat its rediculous. I am short and fat.fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat!!! and everything is so fucking annoying. I have this endless headache and I'm so damn cold.
my life is rediculous. | | |
| 102
The weather is weird in Florida. So I kind of miss Jeremiah. I'm still hurt about what he said that I am too insecure to be in a relationship...its' true but I like knowing that someone loves me . whatever. I sent him a lengthy email...but I don't know. Us being apart for these 2 weeks is probably for the best.
The classic pocket ziploc worked like a charm with the pizza. I cut it up into tiny pieces and then flung them onto my lap, no one even noticed I had about two bites. I did eat half of an apple though... and then being my nosey self I snooped through my grandmas medicine cabinet and guess what I found...laxitives!! I haven't used them in about 10 days so I'm ready. I took 5 at about 10:30 last night after I ran and they kicked in at about 3 am suprisingly sense it usually takes 8-12 hours.
So today my garndma took me to her spa and we got messages...it was sooo nice, I have to admit I was pretty uncomfortable because I don't liek people playing with my fat but I just tried to put it behind me for an hour. My grandma asked how much I weigh ha....I told her about 117. Her response was wow the last time I saw you , you must have been 30 lbs heavier. bla bla I don't feel lighter.
I want to run and then sit in the sauna. | | |
| CW: 103
I just got to my grandparent's house in Palm Beach...It's kind of hot...but not very sunny at all. I haven't been to this house before because they just bought it like six months ago. It is huge..over 5,000 sq. ft. Rediculous. They have me in the guest house which is so cool because I have my own bathroom and there are a few pieces of exercise equipment including my favorite the eliptical.
when I got here my grandma looked at me and said I look great and almost skellital. ha yeah right. But she wanted me to eat so she took me into the kitchen and asked the cook to make a wood fire pizza... So it's being made right now. I dont' really know what to say , I definitely can't eat so I think I'll just wear a big sweatshirt and put a ziploc in my pocket so when they aren't looking I'll put the pizza in and then throw it away when I go to the guest house. I'll probably end up having to eat 1/4 to 1/2 of a slice so I'll make sure to have a good workout before bed.
I'm so glad to be away from my house and my boyfriend and friends. I love being a lone. I love exercising. | | |
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BMI=17.3
My mom seemed rather happy today...she handed me her credit card and told me to buy new sunglasses for Palm Beach. I bought these Dior ones ...I .like them a lot they're black with sort of a rose tint lense and the frame is kind of aviator-ish. I want to get darker...usually by this time of summer I'm so tan, but I'd rather not let anyone see me in a bikini so I just went to the tanning salon. ugh when I took off my close to apply the lotion I saw myself in the mirror...I'm in utter disgust at the fat just sitting on my thighs. When I got home I did th eliptical for an hour and did 800 crunches. I'll work out later.
I am extremely drained of energy...I am in dire need of caffeine
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I went to Starbucks...I don't know what I was thinking...I was just so tired so I got a dopio espresso and a venti ice water. as soon as I got home I had to run to the bathroom...with no effort at all I threw up . My stomach cant handle anything anymore. I am so cold. I'm not going to run the golf course tonight but I think I will attempt the eliptical again .
I was in need of something inspiring
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