Stop right now.
I'm not going to do this anymore.
I'm not going to try to make everyone else happy.
Because what matters most is me.
And I'm not happy.
This is not a cry for help.
I'm not begging for your forgiveness.
I'm just through.
Through with it all.
I need to learn to appreciate what i do have.
And stop striving for more.
Just to make everyone else happy.
Because i need to start with me first.

I guess im pretty blessed.
It took a very awesome girl named
Meagan to show me that.
I was looking at some old pics on my xanga this morning.
It made me think how much easier my life used to be.
How simple me & Chad used to be.
All the friends i had, and miss.
How nothing ever went wrong.
You could do the stupidest shit.
You could be so fucked up.
And nothing ever happened.
But now, now that MOST everyone
has stopped that shit, disasters start happening.
And the world feels like it stops.
One week feels like an entire month.
And the seconds drag on and on....
As you're waiting for that news.
And waiting for things to go back to normal....

I miss my friends....

All of you...

And Chad, i miss us....
I love you very much.
Always and Forever. xO
And never want to lose you.

It happened... again.
They should just stick us in an assembly and
teach us to ride a bus to school everyday,
instead of driving ourselves,
cuz there are dumbass drivers on the road
that hit other people,
when they don't deserve it....

I miss you Heather.
But you will be okay.
You are gorgeous, and always have been.

Chad's going to court today.
They're going to tell him what his punishment is
for driving with no license,
with two other people in the car.
And for not using his blinker when turning.
I miss him too...
i feel like all my friends are gone from school today,
and hurt.
It hurts me.
But they will be fine... :-/

Fall in love, && Hold nothing back.

You can't ask for anything in life.
Nothing is given to you for free.
Give a little; get a little.
That's the way the world works.

I am a failed attempt of happiness. 
But very thankful to have what has happened in my life happen.
It teaches one to be aware of how quickly you could be done with...
Or dead...

Thank God everyday that he gives you one more day.
Because he really doesn't have to.
We dont have to be on this Earth.
There are millions of other people, in the planet.
Just be glad God saved you a spot,
because he has a plan for you.

I saw a really old friend yesterday at Fazoli's.
I didn't want to come up and say anything to her
because it was just so weird.
I really don't even know why we're not friends anymore.
But, i know i hate the feeling you get when
you haven't seen someone in that long and
all of a sudden you try to make a conversation.
It doesn't work like that.
At all.
I haven't seen her since before me & Chad
started going out.

Oh, yeah.
Happy Valentines Day everyone.
 Hope someone special makes this a great one.

Currently Listening In the Wake of Determination By Story of the Year see related

I feel like a survey...

{Name}Meagan Nicole Sparks
{Nickname}Sparky (ugh dont ask)
{Age}16
{Gender}Female
{State}Texas?? lol
{Status}What the hell does this mean?

**YOUR LOVE LiFE**

{Got a crush?}YES!
{Do you know someone that likes you?} Chad
{If so how many people?}I don't know? Chad for sure.
{Do you plan to get married?}heck yes
{Do you plan on having kids?}ooh yah.
{Have you ever had a bf/gf?}yes lol
{Have you ever been seriously "obsessed" with someone?} lol umm... no.
{Has someone ever been seriously "obsessed" with you?}this one freaky guy comes to mind...
{Have you asked anyone out before?}Nope
{Would you rather play the field or have a short relationship with one person?}Depends on the person, but playing the field.
{Short or long-term relationship?}long-term
{Serious or not serious (relationship)?}After being with Chad, definately serious.

**MUSiC**

{Do you like music?}omg its my life.
{What kind of music do you listen to most?}rock, metal, emo, whatever you wanna call it. (bro calls it screamo)
{Fave band/group?}Mushroom Head or Underoath
{Fave singer overall?} EMINEM!!! i think im in love.
{Fave instrument?}Drums... im  used to Chad playing them ALL THE TIME.
{What's hot about a musician?}HAIR!! omg thats awesome.
{Britney or Christina?}Britney
{Do you normally burn CD's?}Not really.
{Have you ever stolen a CD or done something illegal with a CD or music DVD?}Can't say that i have.
{How far would you go to get your music?}lol i don't know?
{What would you do if music was banned in your state or country for some reason, besides move somewhere else?}listen to it anyways. thats stupid
{Who's the hottest singer/musician ever?}I still think Eminem.

**RANDOMNESS**

{Why is the sky blue?}God made it that way
{Do you now or have you ever watched Teletubbies and participated with the show?}lol no...
{What do mashed potatoes mean to you?}Not my favorite.
{What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word "calculator"?}Mr. Cumjelly, i mean Mr. Cicchelli lol.
{What do you think CRS stands for?}Ive never even heard of that...
{Do you know what DNA stands for? If you do, spelling counts. Haha.}ok we're not in class?! Who gives a fuck.
{Who was (or is, lol) your preschool teacher?}uhh... gahh... i don't remember... i think Mrs. Diana and Mrs. Regina were their names.
{What do your parents/guardians do for a living?}Mom-C.O.O. of a hospital. Dad-DPS highway patrolman.
{Do you learn Spanish from Dora the Explorer?}oh yah! my favorite!
{Hottest celebrity EVER?}Tom Cruise
{Do you know who Sportacus is? If you do, that's really sad.}? Who?

**THiS OR THAT**

{Random/Just plain stupid}Random lol
{Algebra/Pre-algebra}Pre-algebra
{Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings}I guess Lord of the Rings, i've never seen Harry Potter
{San Francisco/New York City}New York City.
{Shopping for shoes/shopping for clothes}clothes
{Best friends/Significant others} Chad, Heather, Ross, Josh C., Meagan H, Britt T.
{Pac Sun/Hot Topic}lol gahh... can't even decide. love em both.
{Surveys/regular posts}Surveys! especially Jessies
{Pink/Black}Black is like my signature color.

Yah... things are definately changing.  

And to that used to be "special" person.... THIS MEANS YOU BITCH.

Currently Listening Found in the Flood By The Bled American Cowboy see related

I got this from Jessie's site!! lol i love it dude!! Hope you don't mind that i copied it, if so let me know xo btw OUR MIDDLE NAMES ARE THE SAME! how awesome.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Meagan Nicole Sparks
Birthday: January 10th, 1990
Birthplace: Harve de Grace, Maryland
Current Location: Greenwood
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Dark brown
Height: 5' 3 1/2''
Right Handed or Left Handed: RiGhTy
Your Heritage: German
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black and Blue Etnies
Your Weakness: Chad
Your Fears: The dark, ghosts, the devil, going to hell, dying
Your Perfect Pizza:  CHEEEEEEESE!! lots of cheese lol
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: TRY to make all A's, but im thinkin thats not gonna work.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: 'lol'
Thoughts First Waking Up: I wonder if i have any missed calls?
Your Best Physical Feature: Umm... i don't know?  My hair i guess.
Your Bedtime: 10:30... pretty much whenever i crash.
Your Most Missed Memory: Having my parents live in the same house, and Big Spring.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: Group Dates but i do like to be alone with Chad too...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nesta
Chocolate or Vanilla: DEFINATELY all about the chocolate baby!!
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Yah...
Do you Swear: Yah...
Do you Sing: Lol yes, and i am the BEST in the WORLD!!! haha jk
Do you Shower Daily: Who doesn't?
Have you Been in Love: I am right now
Do you want to go to College: Tech
Do you want to get Married: Of course, to Chad.
Do you belive in yourself: Yah, unless i have low self esteem that day.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope
Do you think you are Attractive: I guess?
Are you a Health Freak: No
Do you get along with your Parents: Not really
Do you like Thunderstorms: i LOVE the rain.
Do you play an Instrument: Nope
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nope
In the past month have you Smoked: Yah
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yah
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yah
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yah
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No i hate Oreos.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Okay and Chinese food is worse than Oreos.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nope
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: umm Nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: lol No
Ever been Drunk: No
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: Nope
Ever Shoplifted: No lol
How do you want to Die: In my sleep, not from health problems or anything. I want to die a way that it won't hurt me.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A lawyer or COO in a hospital
What country would you most like to Visit: Europe
In a Boy/Girl..?  
Favourite Eye Color: Brown
Favourite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: taller than me
Weight: Umm.. i don't know?  Not scrawny.
Best Clothing Style: Me? i don't think i brand myself.
Number of Drugs I have taken: ? too many to count i guess
Number of CDs I own: holy shit don't even get me started on counting.
Number of Piercings: 5
Number of Tattoos: None, but i want one so bad.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Theres a few....