THIS ENTRY IS ONLY FOR HOMEWORK PURPOSES
Historical Recount: Diary entries of the First Fleet
8th January 1788
Dear Diary,
I remember my moments with Edward. I was so happy because his smile just gave me a lot of hope. With him, I felt at home and he comforted me whenever I felt low. He was my best friend but for many years, I felt something else for him. Some times, I had that feeling that I should tell him. I should have listened to my intuition. Now, it’s too late.
It was on that day that I got arrested. I stole 6 metres of silk ribbon with my sister, Penelope. We wanted to make dresses for ourselves and we were too poor to buy silk ribbon.
I deeply regret it because now, Edward will never know. He must have moved on without me since I left for Australia for 7 years transportation. I left him behind and now my life’s a mess.
These living conditions are awful. It’s so dark and damp. I’m stuck in the stench of this cell infested with lice and disease. It smells so bad that my senses are beginning to miss the smell of sweet flowers. All I can smell now is body odour, vomit and the deposits for 8 humans located in just one small bucket in the corner. It’s sickening.
I share this cell with Penelope, another woman, her 3 children along with her husband and… Thomson. Heck of a sleaze he is. He ruined me and messed my life up.
How I miss Edward. Dark is my heart and dark is everyday. This depression grows every minute that I know I will never see Edward again.
Yours Truly,
Penelope Hughes
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9th January 1788
Dear Diary,
Living another day without Edward. I am really losing everything that means a lot to me, even Penelope. She’s dying from smallpox. Everyday she’s feverish and the guards have no idea. Penelope says she would rather keep it a secret because she wants to die anyway but with me by her side.
She told that when her smallpox broke out, she just saw her whole life flash before her eyes. I wish that can happen to me. I want to see Edward. I miss my life with him so much. I’m living everyday life as a mess and I just feel like a total wreck.
I still can’t stand what Thomson did to me 3 nights ago. After all the sadness, I wanted to let Edward go so I left him behind and tried to move on. Thomson fancied me so I just went for it anyway. He treated me so good at first and I thought I would forget Edward for good.
But then Thomson started to act all abusive and violent. He even hit Penelope. I broke it off and he was full of anger. The children were terrified of what they saw. Thomson acted so violent and screamed at me and the guards would do nothing.
Then Thomson calmed down and stayed quiet for a few days until that night that he raped me while everyone was asleep. I have to live in terror.
This only makes me miss Edward even more than I did before. It’s getting to the point where I just want to die. Life is useless. There’s nothing to live for once we arrive in Australia anyway.
I hate some of the guards. Such sadists they are. All they do is inflict more pain and cruelty amongst us convicts.
I can’t eat, even though we’re given food. It’s just so disgusting. I heard that the food is stored in rat infested rooms because the workers have become lazy and don’t even bother with the vermin.
Plus, the constant whiff of stale air makes my appetite die. But who cares, what is the point of life? Everyone’s dying. I might as well die too.
Yours Truly,
Constance Hughes
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10th January 1788
Dear Diary,
Penelope reported Thomson’s raping incident this morning. She along with the 3 children witnessed what happened. They didn’t report until this morning because Thomson was asleep. He got flogged with the cat-o-nine tails this morning. I wasn’t there to watch though. Penelope said he was sent to another cell. I hope its solitary confinement. He’s totally insane.
We had our church service after breakfast. I still pray so hard but I’m so full of doubt. I told Penelope about that and she sees how hard I try to keep my head up.
After service, she told me to go talk to the Reverend. I wasn’t sure but she told me I could gain some hope.
The guards excused me for 15 minutes so that I could talk to the Reverend.
As desperate as it seems, I spilled my heart. The Reverend gave me some comforting words though. He told me more about God and his plans. I didn’t know much about that but now it’s so clear to me. I was beginning to regain my hope when all of a sudden, I fainted… My whole life flashed before my eyes.
I woke up in a bed with a nurse telling me that I’ve got Scurvy. They found out that I heavily lacked Vitamin C, maybe because I didn’t really eat at all. I was unsure of that I should feel.
Now, I’m lying here beside my sister in this Aid room. I told the doctors about Penelope’s smallpox so they took her here. She got angry at first until I explained. She will still die beside me. I’m beginning to die too.
I told her what the Reverend told me and then about how I fainted and saw my whole life with Edward. She told me not to lose hope even though I’m dying.
I replied “I won’t lose hope anymore. When I die, I’ll be a guardian angel and look after Edward. The Reverend says God Forgives. I have sought redemption and ask for his forgiveness for all the bitterness I stored in my heart. I will be at peace with him and the suffering will end”.
Yours Truly,
Constance Hughes
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