emmading's Xanga

breaking up is hard to do..

Fri, 25 May 2007 00:28:02 GMT

Whew.. its been.. quite a ride since i wrote...LOTS of happenings...I don't know who reads this anymore..if anyone does.. but..

Sooo Russ and I broke up...he wanted his freedom..he had freedom.he didn't mention anything to me about it...galkhdsa;dfklh... pissed me off to no end....eh.. May..7thish i suppose... past weeks, i was in a hard deep depression, but i think i am out of it.. or just making myself.. its really hard to go back to life like nothing happened..when there was so much lost...and he acts like nothing happened for 9 months.. I am still bitter and will be for awhile.... Being friends with nat and Joe... its rough cuz we alll hung out and our friendship started when Russ and I were dating.. and now.. its totally different..and I am getting the fall out it seems... cuz I don't feel comfortable at Russ's cuz of practically living there for 9 months.... Everything has changed in my life.. not sure if i want it to or not..Oh!..

I don't work for the school anymore..they "laid" me off... they didn't need me... soo over spring break.. i didn't have a job and there wasn't any prospective ones out there... but the week after spring break, started working with Nat and Joe...and Russ at the senators.Joe and Russ work different places than Nat and I do.. Nat and I run Funnel Cakes.. soo i smell like Funnel cake when the nights are over...soo work is odd now that Russ and I aren't together..

Then... I am moving off campus!!! with my friend Kallie! She's really cool, and we can start moving this weekend i think...I am almost all packed up, but no internet or cable, and no bed till the second weekend in June..soo i'll still be on campus till then..and that sucks with Russ being around cuz i have to see his car when i walk to my house...or even my car..damn...

Leah is coming home June 6th.. the 7th we are looking at bridemaids dresses for my other sister's wedding.. which i am happy to be in!!...Then every weekend in June I am going to be running around trying to spend time with leah before she goes back!.

Now my days are filled with Me being in my room most of the day.. and i try to keep busy cuz other wise my mind does stupid things.... packing.. maybe some homework..I don't like it that I am this way.. but i am trying to fix it...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 01:48:07 GMT

its been one CRAZY time...

Lets see.. i dont really want to go back to where i left off..cuz its been a while...

Lets start with this weekend...

It was Closer Look Weekend here at my college, meaning high school kids come and stay with you over night. I had to be back to get my person at 5pm. Nat, Amanda and I all go to David's Bridal to look at Bridemaids dresses for Nat's wedding around 3:30. At 4:30, we remind Nat that I have to be back at 5... well, then 4:51 we were finally thinking about leaving.... The college being at least 15 mins away.. run to the car, I did some wicked driving..Got bat at 5:15.. ran down to ATEC to get my kid. I talk to the person in charge, she tells me that she gave away my person cuz I wasn't there, but i will still recieve my 10 hours of community service...Soo..storming and bawling my way back to my house... I stop at her house, saying: "I was 15 mins late, and she gave away my person." Left...then she comes chasing me down.. apolygizing her ass off.. i was like whatever cuz nothing could be done now.. I was upset cuz i didn't help last year with it, and next year, i won't be living on campus... I recovered and went to Russ's house to meet up with him and then walk down for supper and everything esle for the evening.. We sit down with a mom dad and a kid.. I recognize them from a campus tour i did a couple months ago. Talked a bit at supper then he hung around me and Russ all night, played Apples to Apples, and Trival Pursuit cuz we aren't much dancers.... After about 10 we walked back to Russ's townhouse, i was irritated cuz Russ didn't know where his kids were...but he found one.. then the other they lost...earily lost completely for an hour and a half..but anyway.. we watched Crank.. which was completely a GUY movie.. in Russ's words.."Including Amy Smart's tiddies, while she's getting fucked in Chinatown..."..men..arg..I leave around 1 cuz i can't stay..Meanwhile I later found out that him and Shane stay up till 3 talking...the campus tour kid...and breakfast is at 9...soo after breakfast, we chat a bit with Amanda.. about weddings..which pissed me off...arg... anyways...i lay around from like 11 till 2 trying to sleep alittle..Rochelle beats Russ.. I totally forgot we were going to work on a project..soo I go... we work on it from 2 to 5:30..and it still wasn't done, but i had to leave cuz i was going to cook supper here for everyone and then we were going to the Hardware Bar in York....soo i cook, Nat, Christina and I all get ready..looking like respectful hoes...hehe.. grabbed Joe and Allen..Russ was having a boys night with his friends... Nat Christina and I drop Joe and Allen off at the pool hall.. we start following the van of Nat's friends to York...umm.. about an exit before we were suppose to get off..Nat's check engine light comes on... i didin't think anything was wrong, cuz mine gones on all the time.. Nat was like..yea there's something wrong... so we get off at the next exit...The guys in the van hop out to check the situation... they put every kind of liquid you can put in a car and we are on our merry way...ha.. riiight..we get to York, drove past the bar.. the line is really long.. so we all decide we are gonna go somewhere else....as soon as we got back on the interstate.. Nat's car acts up again.. she can bearly turn the wheel..infact, i helped her turn the wheel from the passenger seat... we call the van saying we need to get off now.... and as we are on the ramp of the exit, the car jerks.. the radio goes off, the heat goes off.. her head lights go dim...and of course we have to stop at a red light... PRAYING that this car stays on...we glide into a parking spot at the same gas station we stopped at before...the lift the hood cuz it was smoking/steaming.. the guys look harder..here a belt came off.. thinking it was the alternator belt... the guys are fiddling with it trying to get it back on...soo around Midnight, we finally establish that they weren't gonna get it fix...and after asking every guy that went into the gas station if they knew anything about car... one of nat's friends called AAA and said they she was driving a friends car and it died..so we had a tow truck on its way.. the key problem was, only one person could go in the truck and we had two too many people to go in the van...so 2 of Nat's friends stay at the gas station with Nat and Christina and I hop into the van to head back to campus... Jay who was driving SPEEDED SOO MUCH... it was fogged, and rainy..and Christina was hyperventaliling.... but we got here.. Russ was back from his friends house..soo i nab him and his jeep equipped with fog lights and head back to York, to Get Nat's friends to she could ride back in the truck.. so we arrive at the gas station.. the tow truck company called and said they just got the call from AAA and it would be another hour...its now..1 am.. and with the time change..techinically it was 2..the truck arrived around 3... we head back.. Russ in the tow truck..Me driving Russ's Jeep with Nat with me.. The 2 friends went in the van cuz the vanload came back... We got back to campus at 4am..and we were starving cuz it was almost 12 since we ate.. soo we went to the diner..FINALLY went to bed at 5 am..freakin' long day.. whew..

IT was the worst night but yet the funnest night...lol

Russ and I are ok.. been rough the past couple weeks, but we chatted tonight and hopefully things will get better.. Spring break for me is the end of the month...going to Poconos for a few days.. and to celebrate my b-day..the big 20..but wishing it was my big 21...Then we start back the tuesday after Easter....oh joy..

All for now.. check back!

mumble, jumble

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 14:55:00 GMT

I am sorta stealing Sara's way of writing in xanga..
But I don't care.
Too much going on
Not sure what to do
Afraid to write my feelings incase people see
Afraid to write in fear of thinking things I don't want to think about
Frustrated with people on so many different levels
Can't wait till the term is over and being done with college..

umm.. no clue

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 01:06:38 GMT

Hey everyone.. I just had the impulse to write, but now i don't..maybe later this week...anyways.. At home for break till Friday, then to MD for the weekend..then back in the cove for the rest of break....um.. Got my grades tonight..didn't fail anything..yes.. i was concerned... but a GPA of 2.52..:) soo whew!.. I miss Russ... and i can't do anything to see him till friday.. soo i am sad..

that's a quick update.. the end!

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 14:55:40 GMT

yea, that sums up how I feel right now...gah..

Lots of homework to do... and somewhat of a time limit to do it.. I hope I survive till Christmas.. I know I'll survive...not sure if my grades in my classes will..

Hm...Month of November.. First weekend, went to Russ's for the Pig Roast at his fire hall...hahahahha...it was all you can eat and then all you can drink!.. He and his mother took advantage of that... hahha.. They together finished 6 pitchers of Yuengling Beer... haha.. and like 3 of those pitchers, before they would finished them, his mom was going home.. but ha.. didn't happen untill after the 6th one. He said he could of had more, but he was pretty outta of it. He got up and danced with me..ha.. then his brother came back and said his parents said he needed to get home before he passed out in the cold...soo His brother poured him into the car, while I drove Russ's car home... When I got in the door, Russ took 4 tyenol and was heading to bed.. finally got him situated, him and his mom were talking across the house to each other, giggling and such about really random things... both drunk... we got them to shut up... then I i would say something not even that funny, and Russ would giggle for like 5 mins!.. ha..it was great.. I bet him 2 bucks that he wouldn't remember anything... well... I owe him two bucks!

then Monday, forgot to set the alarm..got up at 7... the bus was leaving at 7:15 for New York City..I was supposed to be on it.. thank goodness, i was at Russ's all weekend, so all i had to was take out the dirty clothes and put clean ones in... Got to the bus ontime.. didn't really want to go cuz i didn't know who was going..but it got better... got to NYC around noon, i had a ton of things i had to do for class..scavenger hunt, but didn't really do it cuz i was the only one, and my group i was with had their own things they wanted to do.. soo it was ok, went to Trump Tower, Radio City Hall, World Trade Center site, Chinatown...hmm.. then Hard Rock Cafe, and Virgin Records... got to bed around 1.. got up around 9 and got ready...walked to Rockefeller Center, then to Bloomingdale's.. then high tailed it back to the hotel by 2:30 to get the bus loaded and to leave...got back around 7..chilled out for a while.. extremely tired, but had a test to finished...got it finished went to bed...

The next weekend, I really wanted Russ to come home, but hell, that didn't happen, and Im sorta pissed about it, but hey, he's busy so i can't really do anything about it... but I came home to get my dress for formal...My dress i wore for my Senior Prom..didn't fit..I grew....soooo Saturday, we needed to go to Altoona to get some things and meet Jamey to get his money for tickets for formal.. So we went to David's Bridal just for kicks..hahaha..found a dress for 30 bucks!.. then my crazy grandfather...well, mom and i decided he wanted to give money away, cuz he asked if Leah needed any...and she didn't, not yet... then he asked me.. I couldn't lie cuz truthfully, I am completely broke! I went to New York for 2 days and that drowned my bank account.. so in the end, he gave me 70 bucks!.. yea.. yay for Pap...sorta...

Then the formal was the 17...it was fun!.. Before it even started it was crazy! i worked and i felt horrible that i had to leave to get ready cuz it was one time they actually needed me.. but oh well!! Got outta work, had lunch, walked home and worked on a paper, then really the fun began! ha.... I went to Russ's to iron my dress..which then I ended up getting water on it..soo two pretty big spots on the front.. (i edited the pictures so you can tell ) After i went to 131, cuz all the girls were getting Anne's sister to do their hair... soo I did half of mine and she curled the back...then after went to Russ's and started to get ready, make-up and put on my dress... around 5:30... Russ's Pager goes off and we hear the fire whistle going off... We listen...Everything was being dispatched to the school. Bollinger Hall!!..soo Russ goes running, I'm flipping out cuz I was almost ready and here the college is on fire!..ha.. in the end, a heater in one of the classrooms, didn't really catch on fire, but smoked and that's why they got called.. then.. Russ didn't get back till 6 then, and then he decided to take a shower.. and then took him forever to get his tux on...soo at 7..when it started, we all marched down... took pictures, and ate and then the banquet of the awards happen.. then DANCING!.. soo much fun..:) After a bunch of people left, we requested songs...er... country songs, 80s 90s,...aka..no rap... then the DJ played songs that he thought we would like.. and it was all good.. by the end of the night there were only 10 of us.. Then most of us changed and hung out at Russ's... till 3 am.. and Russ and I and Jessi all needed to be up at 6 ams...ha...we got up at 9, left by 10, and got to Gettysburg for Remembrance Day at 12.. it was sweet, left by 2, Hung around Russ's all afternoon, then they left for the Rodeo around 7, and I went home and cleaned... by the end of the night, I was all stuffed up, and could barely talk..it was bad....

Sunday morning, went to church, hung around with Russ then around 2 went to the Rodeo.. good times!:) then the Blake Shelton concert after!.. I swear he looked at me.. cuz i had my pink john deere hat on and i was alittle bit taller other than Russ then anyone esle around... it was sweet.. I had a headache all day, but the bass and the concert just made it worse.... we went to Hoss's for supper...mmmmmmmmmmmm.... then after, i was beat.. said goodbye to Russ's parents, roamed aimlessly around the house for about 5 mins... said screw this.. grabbed Russ, and said.. goodnight.. around 9.. i got up several times throughtout the night, but got outta bed at 9....12 hours of sleeping..woo!!.. then took a nap in the afternoon... then another one form 7-9 in the evening... should have worked on homework..but yea..

Tuesday, at 9:30 got up to go to class, but her computer wasn't working, so went back to bed..till 1:30 said screw class and called Russ to come down for a bit..then i went down there..then Wed. I had to work, from 9:30 to 11:30.. then ate at scoozi, hung around alittle bit with people.. then packed.. I was on the road by 3 pm... got home and waited for Sarah and mom to get home from running errands, then my cousins and Aunt were up, so stopped in to see them..

Turkey day, had is advantages, but i was still feeling like crap.. ate lunch, visited with my relatives, then went to my Aunts and ate, watched Cars.. and goofed off like usual...

Friday went to Altoona...left at 3..PM...soo not a crazy shopping person..went to Boscov's.. bras were on sale!... then to Hoss's with pap and aunt and cousins... then we went back into town to Gabes, K-mart, Target and Walmart...we were still in walmart at 11...whew... then when we were unloading the car, the damn cat got out and i felt bad to i woke up at 3 to check on him..laid back down what I thought was a min..but hell, it was 5 when i woke up again.. checked outside...nothing.. then laid back down... 15 mins later, he rattled the door... i yelled at him.. then headed up to my bed... slept till 11..then mom and i went to crash and dent for groceries..found lots of them!.. then i hung around at home..slept some more.. did some laundry.. watched a movie...actually started homework, talked to Russ then went to bed around 1... got up..11... and now here I am

Russ and I are great.. I miss him terribly.. cuz I am at home and he's at his house... and I haven't seen him since Wed...ag;kshdgl..Dunno what Im gonna do over christmas break... We are up to 3 months..and counting!.. def. Counting.. he can't get rid of me... if he tries..i'll kick his ass....and he knows it!

I should be working on homework, but im not... Tons of stuff i should be working on.. Never take 5 classes.. you'll drown like i am..gakljhdas..
Can't wait for Christmas...but..yet.. to get there.. will be hell..damn it..............

ALl for now!.. Keep me updated in ya'll lives also!..

Miss all of ya!..

crazy, crazy, crazy.....and more crazy..

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 21:33:24 GMT

Hey everyone.. about time I update...

well, Finished my classes up..barely...GPA of a 2.49....I am getting my ass in gear for this term.. One - B, Two-Cs, One- D and One-F....eww...

Then we had a two week break which started out with Russ and I going to his parents house from a Friday to a Thursday. It was fun, I got bored watching tv cuz there was nothing for me to do.. so then I would take a nap in the afternoon.. I did that quite a bit....I felt bad but hey.. I wanted to. First week, Russ fought with his computer warrenty company to get his computer fixed, then he ran with the fire company, which I don't mind cuz he's helping me, but the whole him running out the door and I am stuck at home by myself watching tv and not knowing when he will get back, thing got to me. I'm not really complaining, but hell, i am. I like that he is a firefighter/EMT person, its cool.:)
Thursday night, the...28th, we came back to campus cuz Russell had a meeting with the Dean to change his major cuz he wasn't doing good with his courses on Friday. Found out some interesting information...if you wanna know, ask.. its about some CPC people.. I don't know who reads this, so I won't say on here.. but wow..anyways...while he was meeting with the Dean, i slept showered and packed to head home.

Originally we were going to go home before we headed to camp for Heritage Fair Festivities, but there was a wreak on 22 that left us sitting for an hour or so in the narrows.. there was a RV in front of us that was heading to the Penn State game, and the boys got out and playe football on the other lane while we waited for the wreck to be cleaned up.. it was funny. Anyways... we headed on over to camp for supper and a singalong with Dave Steele... then hung out with Nick and the Deere's...uh.. some fun people...lol..then Saturday was a massive day of eating.. I ate..*ahem* Ham Pot Pie, Fudge, Cheese Fries, more Fudge, and...um..bought fudge!.. haha.. then Russ got talked into directing traffic for two hours, I just roamed around for awhile until he was done. Then we helped clean up, first moving the trash and the trashcans, getting covered with Garbage juice...yummy!... then we moved chairs.. and by then we were ice cubes smelling like nasty something or other.. so we showered and then i went "Oh shit, what are we gonna do for supper?" soo.. We were gonna meet up with Nick at his parent's and relative's camper to hang out and to eventually go around the camp ground.. So we went to Nick's and talked alittle and then they offered us some supper...soo YAY.. then we went up to the camp ground with a crowd and a half of people.. and they were making mountian pies... and were taking orders.. I ate two regular ones, and Russ had one with pretty much everything they had there to put on it.. I was surprized he ate it!...lol.. it was great. Then one of the parents there made up a game of Jeopardy, which ha.. the one lady was pulling answers outta her ass about Elvis and what not.. it was great.. I got one question...:).. We camped out in Nick's trailer that night.. then got up and had church and then headed home for some massive laundry cleaning and resting.
HA.. Monday night, a tradition in my house, have people over and make pizza, I invited Nicole and Amanda.. Russ was there.. by default...haha.. Then I invited Nick, but he didn't arrive untill after 9. Then Russ being the only guy, wondered what Jamey was doing... soo I checked. He was online and told him was going down and I told if he wanted to he could come over.. He figured he would be called out for work, so he didn't think he could down, but he decided he was "sick" and showed up soon after talking to him online. We started to play Apples to Apples.. If you don't know what kind of joy apples to apples brings to your life.. your missing out.. hahhaha.. Then an hour or so later Nick shows up... Then the boys goooo crazy!... incorporating their own jokes to the games.... calling Nicole Speed bump, calling me Tractor, and Jamey something esle.. i forget.. but yea.. then the night conculded with Russ, Jamey and Nick sitting on my front porch swing with Russ and Nick wearing Pink John Deere Hats.. if you wanna see some pics, look at Russ's myspace.. he's my number one...haha..
Tuesday, we left to come back to school, and then I was debating whether I was gonna stay at school till Monday or Russ said I could go back to his house until classes started... and me being...well.. me.. I went back to his house..Just as we leave campus, his phone rings, its my boss telling him that he was denied his Financial Aid for this next term because is GPA is too low....which is nice coming from the Business office, not the Financial Aid office... anyways.. fought with the computer company for alittle while longer, then fought with a loan company and the school to figure out his college status untill we got back yesterday and is finally registered for classes and can start attending classes... he's hanging by a short thread... I really thought his parents would say.."ok that's it, your comin' home".. I just hope he doesn't screw up...i'll kick his ass... um.. anyways, didn't do much the entire time i was there.. watched tv, took naps... that's about it..We got back on campus around 11:30pm last night, hung out with Russ's roommates for awhile, meghan walked down, then we walked down to my house to meet my new roommate. I brought the crazy bunch with me and i think we scared her... but all is well, she seems pretty cool.

First day of classes were today....8:30, 10:30, 11:30, 12:30 and 2:30 class...im gonna die... that's Tuesdays and Thursdays..but my 10:30 class only has 4 people in it... and we are all girls.. soo it will be good..soo I feel like i have a full-time job and after working from 8:30 - 5 there is STILL work to be done...arg...

Me and Russ are good, as you can see.. ususally after being together for 2 weeks solid, you'd think we'd be sick of each other...it was weird not seeing him until 1:30 today for lunch!...Two months tomorrow, and I am definity attached... and I think he is too which is a good thing...

Apparently i had a ton of stuff to say....

Woah.. requests for updates...this is new.

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 15:10:27 GMT

hmm... lets see..All of you have just started your new school year, meanwhile we are in our second to last week of classes for this term.. all hell has broke lose...stressed out like no other..oh so patiently waiting for the two week break creeping up on us...creeping in a good way... but creeping cuz weeks feel like months!.. hmm..
As I stated in the previous entry.. We did go to Russ's aunts house.. His family cracks me up.. they are really fun. I had a 2 year old boyfriend attached to my hip all weekend, so Russ had some competition. Russ knew I was comin' home with him, so he wasn't worried...lol.. um.. Last weekend, stayed on campus, boring as hell cuz Russ HAD to go home..damn it.. then he doesn't get back till Monday Night at like 10.. like last week. One of my friends, Rochelle had her boyfriend up and she wanted people to ride with her to take him home, so Russ and I agreed to go.. We left at 1 am and didn't get back till 4:30... I missed my first class for the umteenth time.. but oh well... My days have been filled, when im not at class or working, I am Russ's...:)..
Last night..haha.. went to my sister's to take care of Tucker.. I invite Russ, Allen, Clayton and Rochelle to come. We decided to stay over just to get off campus... The boys took their laptops to use the fast wireless internet cuz CPC has the SUCKIEST internet ever.. Then Rochelle came later in her own car cuz she had to stay for a meeting. She got to hershey around 1.. We watched Waitng..ha.. good movie.. Then after the movie we just goofed off.... till...3:30.. we were all awake so we put in another movie..within a half hour, everyone was out, and shut the tv off.......then.. The alarm goes off.. me being the retarded one i am. I got up, walked to the alarm, shut it off and climbed back into my blankets...one hour later.. I wake up, freaked out and said "Um...guys we might have a problem..." I had a 9:30 class and it takes a half hour to get home and getting ready is a bitch cuz we have to dress up... less than 15 mins of cleaning up, we were on our way back to campus. I changed and got ready in 10 mins and got to class on time... woo.. fun times...
Next week, i have 2 presentations to do in front of two classes.. need to do final things for my internet classes... then I'm done for 2 weeks!..coming home for Heritage Fair at camp and bringing Russ...staying home for a few days.. then coming back here for a while.. then going back home... soo if anyone is home on the weekends.. let me know!..
Got and getting roommates.. For a while it was just Jen my original roommate in our townhouse, just us.. It was nice, but the school decided to close an apartment building to renovate it. So three new girls are here.. and they have quite a bit of stuff, but its all good, now its homey.. then we are still getting 2 more girls to complete our house.. its gonna be interesting cuz there are more than just me and Jen in our house...
The boy.. he is wonderful..:) still have the fear of him dumping me outta nowhere, but any one can have that feeling when it comes to relationships...i think he is happy, so we are good...:)

Well that's all for now.. munching on some cookies..:)..yay!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 20:18:38 GMT

YO.. I won't be original...cuz everyone esle updated... I'll update ya'll on my life.. not much going on tho!.. uummm Classes suck. I am on the verge of failing one i think. History of Math....enough said.. I am completely broke... 4.80 in the bank account last week, but got paid Friday, so we are good!.. Got a new boy.. Russ.. He's a sweetheart.. I've got him whipped and he knows it and he doesn't care.. I am not counting my chickens before they hatch, meaning, still in the back of my mind that he may dump me at any point of time.. with my past.. yea.. proally will happy. We've been together 2 weeks, seems like longer.. but hey.. who cares.. um... I am home this weekend, my parents took Leah to the airport Friday morning for her to fly to Horduras for 2 freakin' years.. i love her to death hence why i am bitter... but they stopped at Sarah's and stayed over night, I stayed there also, and then drove all of us today.
Earlier this week, i rolled my window down the whole way and it got stuck...soo Russ the handy man that he is, calls up his mom cuz she worked in an auto glass place for some time and asks what he should do to get the window up. She helps him, he gets the window up and all is well. So then my dad today was like..umm..we are gonna take your car home so i can look at the window....therefore, I am the granny mobile driver of the century...woo for me...
Totally missing Russ here at home.. its sad how much i miss him... damn it..
He made an 130 song MP3 cd filled with 80s Hits...hahha.. i've been listening to it non-stop.... and then i think of him, then i miss him.. and its an on-going Process...
It seemed that the one weekend i come home, everyone HAS to go back to school.. but its all good. Next week, Labor day weekend, going with Russ to his aunts house for a picnic, then its his 21st b-day on Sept. 4..Labor, soo we are going to Hooters..... eck.. im scared.. but hey, first time for everything...
I have a headache.. and i need to clean my room, or work on homework, or work on Russ's b-day gift, or take a nap..
Happy Back to School everyone, Hope to talk to ya'll more since you have a constant internet connection now that you are back at school...Hahah..ok..
bye

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:36:49 GMT

Lots and LOTS of things happening in my life.. not sure if i want it to...

Went to Colorado, super cool but NYC 2002 was better.. But NYC 2006 was good also..if you wanna see pictures, look on my facebook or look on my pic page, http://photos.yahoo.com/emmading330.

The majority of this entry is me venting, so if you don't wanna hear me vent, stop here.

So Rob broke it off with me cuz he feelings changed... later found out that he stayed over with a girl in nashville... I didn't hear it from him, but some several other sources. Then Tristan told me he liked me still. I told him we would play it by ear because I didn't know what I wanted. Soo that lasted about...2 weeks. We went out on a "dateish" type thing, we went to the movies, i paid for my own ticket.. so i dunno if you can consider it a date...but anyways..for about 2 days we were together alot. Then Tristan started to act weird...not talking to me, nothing from him. He told me later that he didn't want to cross the line cuz we weren't dating...WTF.. who cares if we aren't dating... we don't need a label to say if we are or not.. it just matters what we feel. arg. Then we talked alittle more...he said i was leading him on, I wasn't trying to do that at all.. I was trying to figure out what the heck i wanted cuz of my heart being ripped out and ran over. So then cuz i took "forever" to decide what I wanted, he didn't think he liked me as much, therefore not sure if he wanted to be with me... *smack in the face*... SO then Last week I was in colorado for week and we were suppose to think about things...whatever that means.... So then not talking to him for week, i wanted to talk to him.. I im him and all i get is pissy-ness.. glkshdskl... He's a weird one.. that's all i can say. and I am too..

I am writing in this thing when i should be doing my work....

I don't wanna be in school anymore.. I don't wanna be in the real world. I don't know if my major is what I want.. I don't know what I wanna be... God, Please Help me

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 23:01:23 GMT

phsyco Emma has entered the building.. and hopes to leave very shortly...

I am seriously anal and need to stop cuz otherwise, i'll push and won't have anything at all....

which in my case.. it will.............

alshfdlskhfasld..................