Slowly killing what I have for you. While making me realize what I never had.im not a fuckin idiot. I know you are in love with him. all you do is say Scott this and Scott that. What am I to you fucking nothing? Am i just your fuck on the side, am i here just to make you feel better about yourself. I cant fukin believe you dont even take into consideration how much you talk about what you like about him I know you two dated for like 4 years and He is rich and his family is rich and all that shit but why do you keep playing with me. Why do you make it look like we are making love and that it means more to you than fucking during the moment but then the next day you act like it was just for fun. Today you said yeah last nite was definatly fun.... you said it so cold heartedly. I thought you had some feelings from it. You held on to me so tightly afterwards like I meant something to you. Today we spend quality time together and all you say is Scott this and Scott that. What the fuck is this to you? I cant believe you dont feel anythign for me. You seriously dont say anything nice to me. You dont kiss me you dont do anything. You seriously have no fucking feelings about anything. Why should I even stay with you? Yes the fucking is great but i thought after being what you want and doing what you want some how I would be doing something you cared about. really I am a fuckig idiot. When will I learn. I am desperatly trying to find someone I like but everytime I have a chance you come to me acting like you want more when I know better but still doop myself into believing other wise. God is this my punishment for cheating on past relationships? is this my punishment for not loving someone who loves me and not having the heart to tell them that I dont love them back. This is indeed my punishment. How long will you continue to let this prick my heart ....are you doing it until I have nothing left thus forcing me to tell her the truth about how I feel and lay my feelings out there just for her to say I dont care or sorry but leave me with not a care in the world. I know for a fact if tonight I told her I want more and if I cant have more I dont want anything. That she would say sorry and then move on with her life like nothing happened. What should I do? Ok what im going to do is (no matter how horny I am or how nice she is being to me) not even snuggle, hug, kiss, or flirt with her. I will without a doubt be completly ...im going to text her right now and say.."wow i guess you didnt feel like kissing me today. Oh well.".[texted at 11:28]......lets see what her response is...................................................................................................................................................................................................... wow 10 mins later no response. Well thats fukin great! after this christmas I am dropping as if she is (what she apparently feels what I am) nothing. 20 mins later "ha no not at all...U lookd like you wanted to pass out and I felt like i was keeping you up" my response "Im not jealous or anything but you talk about your ex alot and I was kinda getting tired of it. Its hard to hold you or snuggle with you if every other thing U talk about has to do with your ex." .......to be continued ~sometimes when you start to have feelings for someone who has none for you but exhibits all the relations with you as if that person does but still does not have any, one must do what is harder than anything. that is to let themselves down. Becasue the person you like wont be hurt by you saying "forget you" but instead you will be hurting yourself becasue it is you who has all the feelings in the relationship. In other words you will be breaking up with yourself. That is the feat you must beable to overcome. | 
