For the first time in a long time I believe I have feelings for someone else.  Since Matt and I broke up it has been difficult for me to move on and it's nearing two years since our break-up.  He was such an important person in my life who played a significant role in helping me mature and learn more about myself that I had a difficult time seperating my emotions with what I've learned.

The situation, however, is difficult to explain and even more difficult to handle with the time being.  Now that I think I may have feelings for someone I am pseudo forced to suppress the feelings until the appropaite time arrives.

Alas, it's life.

Currently Playing Lift By Sister Hazel see related

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I've been reading and talking with some freshman, here at Drury, and it felt odd to me that they are going through about the same thing that I did when I was in their shoes.  Starting to question their place at school and in life, feeling lost and unmotivated - maybe it's a part of the college experience.

Cathy, and friend and RA together, were talking about the college experience tonight.  How being in college is time for us to mess up, let everything go, not worry about foolish titles, and have a genuinely great time.  This is the time in our life when we have close to no responsibilities or any long-term commitments.

Though this is the time of our life, time of experimentation and to live life - why do so many of us go through that stage where we question our friendships and doubt ourselves though deep down inside we all know we have the empowerment, sometimes it becomes covered and we forget it's there.

To anyone that reads this, which I think is no one - so perhaps to myself - remember that everything in life happens for a reason and this is simply a growing and learning experience - enjoy.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if we/you/I can't see it yet.  Life does its thing…

Wow!

It's been a long time since I've made an entry.

I'm currently listening to Jason Levasseur - Xanga cannot find the album I'm listening to, not that anyone cares but it's true.

Every few months I go through these stages when I become the happiest person to be involved with whatever I am and just a few hours later I hit an all time low, or at least that's how I feel.

When this happens I take out my aggression on whoever is with me when they don't deserve what I'm doing to them.  Usually, I lock myself away in my room until the phase passes because I'm simply a jerk.  That small frame of time is now.

On another note - I looked at my last entry and a few things that I've accomplished.  Notably I have traveled a few places:

Since my last entry I've made it to Chicago, again, I had a lay over in LA so perhaps that counts as me being there :)  I did make it to Monterey, CA, which was far more than I could have imagined, and better than LA could ever be, or from what I hear.  LA was covered with a thick layer of smog that was visible from a plane and it was gross!

On my wonderful adventure to Athens and Volos in Greece I had a lay over in Italy - so maybe that counts too...right?  There are plenty of other things that I plan to do and I will get them done and maybe it won't be on my list of things to accomplish by 24 but it will only add to the things that I have done.

My life is becoming aligned again with its original direction, which is a comfort.  I keep telling myself that I have a better perspective of what I want to do with my immediate future.  There is no telling what can happen from now and till whenever.

Life does its thing and I just happen to be along for the ride.

Currently Playing Not a Pretty Girl By Ani DiFranco see related

Reality sets in as I begin to notice my age and what I've accomplished thus far in my life.  Which, in my opinion, is not too much.  I'm close to twenty and there is not a whole lot that I have done.

A few things that I want to complete by age 24, for myself:

Skydive

Bungee jump

water ski

snow ski

become a grad student

lose my acne

travel to London, Greece, LA, Mexico City, Italy, and if I can fit it in I'd like to make it to Australia

gain muscle mass

figure out what I want in life

Those are a few things I want to do, just off the top of my head.