Well, I moved out of where I lived tonight. Am now staying with my parents until I can get a new place. Change seems to be my thing right now.

I am also going to start a new Xanga site in honor of all the new starts I am having in my life. Okay, it's to protect my anonymity, but let me have my denial. You can ask here, or email me, and I will tell you the new name (which I am still contemplating). After a week or so, I probably will not be posting to this site anymore. Yes, AmazingMystery, I will tell you where it is. Catch me on Yahoo.

I cannot tell you how much pain I am in right now. I am here on Xanga tonight because I cannot lay down for the pain. I am hoping it will ease up some soon. In the meantime, I am off to read up on y'all.

I watch the SciFi channel alot. No horror shows for me, but otherwise I love scifi. I love the commercial where the guy with all the tattoos goes shopping and fixes a gourmet dinner, then all his tattoos come to life and they all eat dinner as a family. So much love in that commercial, so much darkness at the same time. Okay, I'm wierd, but you still come here.

Yes, I'm sick again. My roommate has been sick for over a month and now she's getting better because she gave it to me. Ugh.

Lately, military jets keep flying overhead. Used to be just one every few days, now it is groups of them quite often. They are so loud and sound so powerful, but we never know if it is a plane going overhead or one trying to land on our heads. "By the time you hear them, they're already gone." I guess we really are at war.

Well, I'm off to watch more reruns of the X-Files.

Okay, I'm done pouring out the dredges of my soul on the other new site.

Yes, I'm still unemployed. Tomorrow I will be calling a lady who wants me to sell her computer services company for her, and says I can sell my web design services to her customers as well. Then wean off of her sales as I build my business. Sounds too good to be true, except I don't like sales. Seems like something I should do, though. Don't like to work for commission either, but we'll see how that goes. If I am not making enough sales in a month, I will probably give it up.

My roommate is redecorating her house.. new flooring, appliances, paint, etc.  It's all well and good for her, but to me it's just an additional stressor. There are great perks to living with her, and living alone may not be good for me at this point, but I am so ready. I need my independence back. I crave living alone. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and how I want to do it. Did you get that? Well, don't worry if you didn't. I just need a home that is mine.

My brother and his wife had separated for a while. Well, separated. They went from living with my parents to him living with my parents and her and the baby living with her aunt. Then the baby lived with my brother and parents for a while... a week or so. Now, supposedly, they are all going to stay at her aunt's. I can't keep up. But she is doing a good thing. She left him and said she wouldn't get back with him unless he got a real job. And wonder of wonders, he did.

Well, sorry to stop short, but roommate is home and I'm sure I am required to do something. Later.

Survivable New Year to you all.

I've been feeling a bit exposed over here to spout my grey and bleak thoughts, so I've established a new site for my deeper moments. If you are interested in knowing where it is, you are welcome to email me. I will consider each request on an individual basis. Hint: The farther away from me you are geographically or relationally, the better your chances of getting the new address.

I am not leaving Xanga. In the meantime, I will try to get back to posting here soon.

Well...

I haven't really had anything to say. I'm just glad Christmas is over. I pretty much stayed in hiding through the whole thing. Never went to the get-togethers I was supposed to.

Basically, didn't have Christmas. Finally, my parents called and I went to eat with them and brother at Denny's late Wednesday night, went back to their house to open the few presents there were, and my brother had a rage. Fun. Thank God it's over is all I can say.

Just feel like everything's "broken" in my life. My finances, my health, my career, my family... my spirit. I'm tired of going through the same old stuff over and over again. I want it to stop.

So, I haven't been here because all I would do is complain, like I just did. My poor roommate. She has to listen to it all the time. I try to stop, but groans of pain or complaints of self-pity escape my lips before I know it. Well, anyways, thanks for your comments and messages. I don't know when/if I will be up to being chatty again.

Hope y'all are okay and I do miss you.